


Destroyed From The Inside Out

by My_Butt



Category: bangtan sonyeondan, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings Apply, Adult Content, Alpha Jeon Jungkook, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bottom Kim Taehyung | V, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Bulimia, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Kim Taehyung | V, Depressed Kim Taehyung | V, Doctor Kim Namjoon | RM, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Expect every ship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jeon Jungkook is Whipped, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Medical Trauma, Multi, NSFW Art, Other, Physical Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Poor Kim Taehyung | V, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Body Play, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Roughness, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sick Kim Taehyung | V, Teasing, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tissue Warning, Top Jeon Jungkook, Triggers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Verbal Abuse, Warnings May Change, What Have I Done, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2020-05-29 16:05:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 63,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Butt/pseuds/My_Butt
Summary: “Get a manager!” Namjoon called out as he pointed in Jungkook’s direction, knowing he had the speed to find someone abruptly.Namjoon returned his focus back to Taehyung and placed his hand onto his shoulder, causing Jimin to recoil from the closeness of Namjoon’s arm.“Taehyung, what’s hurting? You have to tell me or I can’t help you.”





	1. Attack on Bangtan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Get a manager!” Namjoon called out as he pointed in Jungkook’s direction, knowing he had the speed to find someone abruptly.  
> Namjoon returned his focus back to Taehyung and placed his hand onto his shoulder, causing Jimin to recoil from the closeness of Namjoon’s arm.  
> “Taehyung, what’s hurting? You have to tell me or I can’t help you.”

Hoseok’s voice echoed through the practice room as the underlying bass music boomed from the speakers.  
“Again at the break. Ah 5, 6, 7, 8!”  
The seven member group stomped the ground, hitting their spots with effortless ease, gliding through the choreography as Hoseok hummed the tune of the music flowing through the air.

The music paused and Hoseok slid the mouse on the laptop to reset to the part they were practicing. It was a month before their comeback, and everything was running smoothly. The U.S. was setting up interviews, packing in a full schedule for the team once their album dropped.

However, one member was dealing with another issue, finding it hard to focus all of his energy into the performance; and no one had a clue.

The pain ached in Taehyung’s side.  
He pressed his left hand against his upper abdomen just below his ribs as he gripped the fabric of his shirt. His breath hitched in his throat as he took a gasp for some fresh air. The other members were panting from exhaustion, as well, which made Taehyung think the pain was just from being out of shape. Despite putting in hours upon hours of work for this comeback, they did just take a break to film the latest season of Bon Voyage. And with a beautiful vacation means eating lots of local cuisine, regardless of calories and diets.

“Again!” Hoseok boomed, tapping the mouse to begin the music.  
The seven members danced to the upbeat song, with quick footing and fast steps for the next minute.

Another pause began while Hoseok went to reset the music, the members regained their breath and stretched out their limbs.

While the choreography had always been tough, Taehyung’s labored gasps made it especially difficult to continue without the dizzying effects of the room spinning around him. The cool temperature of the air conditioned practice room flooded his lungs, and caused a dryness deep within his throat with every inhale. His lips experienced a numbing, tingling sensation he wasn’t familiar with before.

As his jaw hung slack and his eyes squeezed shut with dark circles shading, Hobi walked up towards Taehyung, who was doubled over, and gripped onto his shoulder.  
“Taehyung-ah, are you okay?”  
Taehyung nodded but was unable to audibly reply due to his quaking exhales. He leaned over and pressed his side furtively to ease the pain slightly.  
Hobi rubbed the younger’s back and leaned his face closer to Taehyung’s ear. Noticing this wasn’t normal exhaustion from practice with the bluish hue decorating the younger’s lips, Hobi’s concern grew wildly.  
“Taehyungie?” He knelt down and placed his hands onto either side of Taehyung’s face. “Taehyungie, what’s wrong?” He saw the pained expression on the younger’s face as his lips parted into a square shape, showing off his white teeth as he winced in pain.

Just then Namjoon overheard Hobi and crossed the practice room’s floor to reach the two.  
“Taehyung?” He stood next to Hobi, leaning his body down to look into Taehyung’s eyes. He gripped onto the younger’s shoulder when he saw him falter and collapse to his knees, nearly landing into Hobi’s lap. Taehyung rolled onto his side as he clutched his abdomen. The pain was causing waves of nausea to overwhelm him and make him succumb to tears.  
Namjoon knelt down and grabbed onto Taehyung’s legs before the boy had the chance to roll onto his back away from the two.  
“Taehyung, what happened? Tell me what’s wrong.” The other members had gathered behind the three with worried, bewildered expressions decorating their weary faces.  
“Taehyung-ssi!” The sound of Jimin’s soft worried voice broke through as he pushed past jungkook to get to Taehyung’s crumpled body. He practically was leaning on him as he grabbed onto Taehyung’s hand and placed his small palm onto his cheek. Jimin felt his friend’s body temperature exceptionally warm. Taehyung opened his eyes and gazed up at jimin’s hurt look. He was so angelic looking with the practice room lights glaring behind his silhouette.  
“What’s wrong, Taehyung?” Jimin asked again.  
All Taehyung could get out was “it hurts” before rolling into jimin’s crouched frame. He clutched onto jimin’s hand causing unbearable pain from the strength of his massive grip. Jimin crouched over Taehyung in a protective state and rubbed his back as he squeezed him in an awkward hug.

“Get a manager!” Namjoon called out as he pointed in Jungkook’s direction, knowing he had the speed to find someone abruptly.  
Namjoon returned his focus back to Taehyung and placed his hand onto his shoulder, causing Jimin to recoil from the closeness of Namjoon’s arm.  
“Taehyung, what’s hurting? You have to tell me or I can’t help you.” Even though namjoon’s heart was racing with worry, he managed to keep his composure as a leader, and the backbone to the group.  
“My side-!” Taehyung projected, exhaling sharply, and reeling in pain. His breathing was still sharp gasps, and he felt the presence of an elephant compressing his chest. His lungs felt deflated and would not function properly. He just wanted some air.

Namjoon lifted Taehyung’s shirt, revealing his dark, tanned skin. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he could see the skin was distended where Taehyung had pressed his nails into his flesh, leaving behind red, crescent moons.  
“Is it here?” Namjoon asked as he gingerly pressed the puffy area.  
Taehyung didn’t flinch in pain from the pressure, but more felt an ease of tension with namjoon’s large hand pressing down.  
Taehyung nodded as he leaned his head back into Hobi’s lap as he rolled onto his back to allow Namjoon a better look at his stomach.  
Hoseok brushed his hands across Taehyung’s cheeks to wipe the skin free of staining tears and sweat.  
The practice room door flew open from Jungkook’s urgency to get back to the fallen member.  
A newer manager, brought on during the American tours over the summer to help with translations as he was fluent in English, was right behind the maknae. He crossed the floor to the huddled group and saw Namjoon pull Taehyung’s shirt back down, as he turned to face the manager. He got up from his knees to allow room for the manager to get closer.  
“What happened here?” The manager asked with little worry in his voice. After hours of practice on a daily basis, he was already used to the injuries received by the members.  
“He just collapsed and said his stomach was hurting during practice,” Namjoon stated.  
Taehyung was no longer writhing around and had stilled in a cold sweat as Hoseok brushed his sweaty bangs off his forehead.  
“What did you eat Taehyung?” The manager asked.  
“He ate the same thing we had at dinner,” jungkook spoke up. He remembered sitting next to Taehyung during dinner and sharing some fried chicken with him.  
“What time is it?” The manager asked looking around for a clock.  
“Uh, it’s about 1:30am now,” Namjoon said, glancing up at the wall clock.  
“Get him to bed and he should be fine by morning. You’ve practiced enough today.”  
The manager got up and began to walk out of the practice room.  
“Sir, don’t you think he should go to the hospital?” Namjoon interjected before the manager had a chance to leave.  
“For a stomachache? No, he’ll be fine by morning.” He turned his back on the group and left the practice room, allowing the door to slowly shut behind him.  
The group looked mystified that the manager didn’t help more, and felt it was careless after seeing the sight unfold. However, the manager didn’t see what the six others had experienced.

Namjoon turned back and crouched next to Taehyung. “Can you stand up?” Namjoon asked, wondering if he’d want to stay in a ball for a little longer.  
Taehyung nodded and braced himself on Hoseok whom carefully pressed the boy’s body forward to aid him with his effort of getting up. Namjoon stood up and grabbed under Taehyung’s armpits to hoist him up to his feet. Taehyung’s knees became weak and he hunched forward as the pain struck like lightning, shooting a jolt of agonizing pain throughout his entire body.  
Namjoon lurched forward, thinking Taehyung was falling, and used his body to prop the younger up.  
“You okay?” Namjoon asked. He knew this wasn’t a simple stomachache, but he couldn’t go against what a manager says. His heart ached seeing Taehyung in this state, but he could only remain hopeful that this would pass by morning.  
“Here. I’ll carry you,” Namjoon said as he crouch below Taehyung so he could climb onto his back. Hoseok helped ease Taehyung onto namjoon’s broad back, and made sure he was steady while Namjoon raised back up.  
Namjoon could feel the heat coming off the boy, and wondered if he may have a fever, or if he was just overheated from practice.  
Hoseok walked beside the two with his hand on Taehyung’s lower back, making sure he didn’t shift, and also to offer a break for Namjoon if he couldn’t carry him anymore.

The other members stayed behind to clean up the practice room and gather their belongings while Namjoon, Hoseok, and Taehyung left for the dorm.

Some time later, Hoseok opened the door to Taehyung’s bedroom and allowed the two to enter before him. Namjoon crouched backwards over the bed and slid Taehyung off his back with Hoseok’s help. He was motionless except for the rise and fall of his chest as he was still breathing heavy.  
Hoseok began slipping off Taehyung’s shoes and socks while Namjoon sat on the edge of the bed. He awkwardly rubbed the bangs off Taehyung’s forehead which were slick with beads of sweat. The younger had his eyes closed, a mix between sleep due to exhaustion, and bearing the pain of his abdomen in a meditative state.  
Hoseok went to the closet and returned with a T-shirt and jammie bottoms to change Taehyung into for the night. He had assumed there wouldn’t be a shower in his near future after seeing how much pain he was in from just attempting to stand up.  
Taehyung opened his eyes and watched Namjoon with a pained expression, signifying his worry of being worthless and ruining the rest of practice.  
As Hobi laid the bottoms down onto the bed, he held out the shirt towards Taehyung.  
Namjoon could tell Taehyung didn’t want to raise his arms from their clutched state on his abdomen to dress himself.  
“Here, Taehyung,” Namjoon quietly said as he reached an arm around the boy’s back to help prop him up.  
Taehyung leaned forward onto Namjoon and rested his head on his shoulder. He really just wanted to stay like this until the pain passed as he found Namjoon very comforting like a father figure.  
The elder male grabbed the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt and lifted it from the tangled limbs, allowing Taehyung to lean back against him. Hoseok handed over the shirt to namjoon’s open hand and took the sweat soaked hoodie he had removed. He proceeded to put the clean shirt over Taehyung’s body and coaxed him to lay back down onto the bed. He immediately turned to his side and curled around namjoon’s hips. Namjoon patted the lithe boy on his back and turned to Hobi.  
“I think someone should stay with Taehyung in case he feels worse. Someone should be with him.”  
Hobi nodded in agreement.  
Namjoon craned his neck to look down at Taehyung curled into him. “Taehyungie, I’m gonna go get a shower and then I’ll be back, okay?”

Taehyung had slipped one of his hands free and was fingering the creased fabric on namjoon’s pants. He didn’t want him to leave, but he already felt like a burden for making everyone skip the rest of practice due to him.  
Namjoon gave a fatherly rub on Taehyung’s back and carefully picked his exploring fingers from the seam so he didn’t get pulled back, or snag his nail.  
“Can you manage to change his pants yourself?” The leader asked Hoseok, implying he would gladly help if needed before his departure.  
“Nah, I got it,” Hobi said dryly. His usual upbeat attitude had disappeared in front of Namjoon.  
As Namjoon walked away, he could hear Hoseok cooing to Taehyung like he normally did towards the maknae line. His caring tone returned for the sake of the younger, meaning ‘everything will be okay’.

When Namjoon finished his shower, he returned to Taehyung’s room and noticed both boys stilled with movement under the covers. He cautiously walked across the floor and saw both were softly breathing in the night’s embrace, clutching each other’s hands as they slept. He didn’t want to wake either member since it would serve Taehyung best to rest. He turned back and left the room, pulling the door gently behind him, wondering if Hoseok would have preferred to take a shower and get out of his practice clothes.


	2. I’m Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t actually think this is the flu, do you?” He asked with a deep sorrow masking his voice. “You just said that for Jimin’s sake, didn’t you?”

Hobi awoke early the next morning, uncomfortable in his constricting pants he wore during practice the previous night.  
It was still dark in the room, so he knew it wasn’t past 6am yet when the sun rays would be filling the room. He groaned and blinked as he went to roll onto his side when he realized his arm had the sensation of pins and needles happening. He glanced down with squinted, tired eyes and saw the top of Taehyung’s head buried into his side near the crook of his neck. Wisps of baby hairs tickled Hobi’s chin as he moved.   
He remembered the events hours ago and felt relieved knowing the pain didn’t keep Taehyung awake through the night. He rolled towards Taehyung and wrapped his free arm around the younger’s torso, breathing in the mixed scent of shampoo and sweat in Taehyung’s colored locks. Hobi gave the boy a snuggle, and felt Taehyung shift and move his head from the pressure of Hobi’s squeeze.

As Taehyung pressed away from Hobi’s side to look at the older male, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes in a groggy confusion of someone else being next to him in his bed.  
“How are you feeling?” Hoseok croaked with a deepness in his voice, not usually heard except for early mornings.  
Taehyung breathed deep and thought for a moment before replying that he felt fine. He hardly remembered getting back to the dorm once he hopped onto Namjoon’s back, causing him to be rocked towards the listlessness of sleep from namjoon’s sway.  
Maybe the manager was correct that it was something he had ate. He felt like a nuisance for showing his weakness last night and causing the members to worry over him to such an extent. With the comeback so near, they couldn’t afford to miss any practice.  
“Is everyone mad that practice was cut short because of me?” Taehyung asked in a worried fashion.  
“No, Taehyungie,” Hobi said as he pressed a heavy hand onto Taehyung’s cheek. He thumbed the length of the younger male’s eyebrow and noticed the heat coming off of his skin.  
“Are you too warm?” Hobi asked, moving to remove the blanket covering them.  
“No, I’m cold,” Taehyung stated.  
Hobi released the blanket and lifted his hand back up to Taehyung’s face. He pressed the back of his hand onto Taehyung’s forehead and then shifted to under his neck.  
“You’re really warm, Taehyungie. Are you sure you feel okay?” Hobi was concerned Taehyung may have a fever with how warm he felt, and being chilled at the same time.  
“I’m okay, Hyung,” Taehyung reassured the older male. He didn’t want to be a burden to the rest of the members, especially after missing the last bit of practice.  
“You can go if you want,” Taehyung whispered as he noticed Hobi still wearing his clothes from the previous night.  
Hoseok moved to squeeze Taehyung closer, rocking him back and forth slightly in his more cheerful attitude that the members were used to seeing.  
“But I want to stay with my Taehyungie!” Hobi reassured the younger, assuming Taehyung’s statement hid the sorrow that he wanted to be left alone instead of worrying over him. The other members knew Taehyung would often feel overly emotional and take things to heart more than others would.   
“Aren’t you uncomfortable in your pants?” Taehyung asked as he poked the fabric covering Hobi’s hip.  
“It’s worth being uncomfortable to be comfortable with you,” Hobi joked, still holding onto Taehyung in a tight embrace.  
“You can go shower, Hyung. Honestly, I’m feeling better,” Taehyung said as he pressed back again from Hobi’s clutches.  
“Alright, Taehyungie,” Hoseok said as he lifted the blanket and rolled onto his back, allowing Taehyung a moment to slide off and free the older’s arm from it’s pinned state.  
“I understand when I’m not wanted....or you’re telling me I stink,” Hobi joked. He pinched Taehyung’s chin and then lifted the blanket back over Taehyung’s lithe body, tucking the fabric up around his neck. He leaned down and gave a quick peck on the top of Taehyung’s head. He was always caring towards the maknae line, but he tended to Taehyung’s needs a little more, much like the other members seemed to, as well.  
Hobi traced his fingers down Taehyung’s arm until he reached his hand. He gripped his fingertips and Taehyung returned the squeeze, much like a simple hand hug.  
Hoseok walked towards the door, but stopped as he gripped the knob.  
“If you need anything, Taehyungie, just ask.” Hoseok was able to switch between cheerful to sincere so effortlessly from years of teaching dance routines, that it seemed like two completely different personas.  
“I will,” Taehyung responded, flashing a quick finger heart towards his Hyung.  
Hoseok smirked at the adorable dongsaeng, reciprocated the heart, and then left the room, pulling the door behind him.

Taehyung nuzzled his head back into his pillow, unable to rest his weary mind. He felt so disappointed in himself. He felt like crying, but also an old numb feeling overwhelming him. He stared out from his bed and traced the shadows dancing across the room. He felt uneasy laying alone, curious if any of the members were angered with him, or worse, wondering if the managers had yet found out practice was cut short.

Hoseok wandered down the lit hallway, wondering why the other members left the lights on. He glanced at his phone in his pocket and noticed it was almost 4am. Not as late as he thought.  
He approached the living area and saw Namjoon sitting on one end of the couch, reading a novel, while Jimin was on the opposite end with his head leaning back on the arm and his feet laying in namjoon’s lap. His eyes were closed, but he didn’t appear to be in a deep slumber.

Namjoon noticed Hoseok in his peripherals and lifted his head up. While putting the bookmark between the pages and lowering the book, he spoke softly, as to not wake Jimin, unsure if he had dozed off.  
“How’s Taehyung doing?”  
With the sound of namjoon’s deep voice filling the room, Jimin stirred awake from his restful state, and jolted forward, eyes fixated on Hoseok. His feet dug into Namjoon’s thigh which made the older male lift the younger’s leg to a more comfortable position as he leaned forward.  
Jimin desperately wanted to see his best friend, but while returning to the dorm, Namjoon told him Taehyung was asleep and to let him rest. So he decided to lay on the couch to keep Namjoon company, despite being assured he could go to bed by the leader. However, he felt himself being comforted sitting next to Namjoon when his thoughts were filled with worries about Taehyung.

“He’s doing alright,” Hobi began, “he said he wasn’t in any pain, but he’s very warm, like he has a fever. He also says he’s cold.”

Namjoon nodded and looked towards Jimin, “I wonder if it’s just the flu.”  
Jimin shifted his gaze and stared into his lap, unsure if he could find the words to contribute to the conversation. He couldn’t form a sentence with all of his worries dancing about in his mind.  
“What if it’s not the flu?” Jimin preciously asked softly, eyes still fixed on his shirt sleeve he had been fiddling with to occupy his hands.

Namjoon placed his hand onto jimin’s shin that was still in his lap and gave it a fatherly squeeze.  
“We’ll keep an eye on him, but I think he’ll be okay.”   
Jimin nodded while avoiding eye contact with the two older males.  
Namjoon was hopeful this was nothing to worry about, but at the same time, he couldn’t recall seeing any member, even Taehyung, reacting to the flu in such a way that he had witnessed.  
“You want to go see him?” Namjoon asked Jimin, knowing the answer, but offering kind words to the younger to snap him out of his delirious thoughts.  
Jimin nodded still hanging his head low, allowing his nimble fingers to pick at a thread on the seam of his shirt.   
“Yeah, but I know he should rest.”  
Jimin raised his head slowly to look at Namjoon, the tears quickly drying before they ever had the chance to fall. Without the leader automatically replying, he found hope that he could go see his friend. He raised an eyebrow and offered a lighthearted smirk at the leader.  
Namjoon patted jimin’s leg and nodded his head.  
“Okay. I’m sure it’d be fine to see him. He’s probably still awake from Hoseok.”  
Namjoon barely finished his sentence before Jimin leapt from the couch and galloped down the hallway towards Taehyung’s room, nearly knocking Hobi down in his path if the elder hadn’t pressed back against the corridor wall.  
Namjoon leaned forward on the couch to rest his chin on his folded fingers. His mind was wrecked with stressing out about comeback and keeping the group together as a whole, plus constantly writing new music.  
Hobi solemnly turned back to face Namjoon after watching Jimin run wildly down the hallway.  
“You don’t actually think this is the flu, do you?” He asked with a deep sorrow masking his voice. “You just said that for Jimin’s sake, didn’t you?”   
Namjoon pursed his lips and directed his eyes at Hoseok. His friend was quite intuitive when it came to reading what he was feeling.  
Namjoon released an audible exhale and leaned back onto the couch, covering his eyes with his arms. The sleep deprivation was tormenting his already weary mind.  
Hoseok walked over to the couch and clasped softly onto namjoon’s wrist.  
“Come on. Let’s go to bed.”  
Hobi was right. It was late and staying up would only hinder the schedule they had lined up for the next day.

Jimin slowed to a crawl by the time he got to Taehyung’s doorway. He didn’t want the sound of his steps to awaken Taehyung if he had, in fact, fallen back to sleep.  
He slowly turned the doorknob until he heard the click, and eased it open. The room was blanketed in nightly shadows, making Jimin blind until his eyes slowly adjusted.   
Pressing the door shut behind him, he saw Taehyung’s silhouette on the bed.  
He crept forward through the room until he reached the edge of the mattress. He leaned down and eased onto the bed. Taehyung shifted with the lightweight pressure next to him and opened his eyes.  
“Hi taehyungie,” Jimin whispered. By this point, he was laying down, facing his best friend, using his curled arm as a pillow.  
Taehyung gave a weak smile and uncurled his arms from the cocooned blanket, holding them open for Jimin to come closer. Jimin leaned in and reciprocated the hug that Taehyung was reaching out for.  
“How are you doing?” Jimin asked as he held onto Taehyung in the warm embrace.  
Jimin waited for an answer, but when he didn’t hear a response from the deep voiced male, he leaned back to try to look him in the eyes. He thought maybe Taehyung had fallen back asleep, but as he made a move, he felt Taehyung clutch tighter to him, not wanting their embrace to be broken. His friend’s face was pressed up against his chest, and he leaned in to rest his cheek onto the top of Taehyung’s head. Buried into his colored hair, Jimin heard the faint sound of a sniff emanate from the friend he held in his arms.  
“Taehyungie?” Jimin called softly, waiting for a reply.  
Still no words, but gripped fingers around his back let Jimin know Taehyung was still awake.  
“Oh, taehyungie,” Jimin purred. He recoiled more and reached for Taehyung’s chin.  
“What’s wrong Taehyung?” Jimin let out a slight chuckle hoping to ease his friend’s tension so he’d open up to him.  
Taehyung’s grip lessened and he reached his hand around to hold onto jimin’s hand that was lifting his chin.   
“I’m sorry!” He sobbed as he pressed jimin’s hand away and attempted to turn his face in the opposite direction than jimin’s gaze.  
Jimin quickly sat up in the bed and reached for Taehyung’s hands to pry them away from hiding his shamed face.  
“Taehyungie, there’s no reason to be sorry. It was late anyway and we had been practicing all evening.”   
Taehyung stopped fighting Jimin and rolled onto his back. He wiped his face free of tears and took a deep inhale to regain his composure. He wanted to believe this was no big deal, but he couldn’t help but worry about future performances; what if this isn’t just something he ate? What if this happens during their comeback? What if he can’t perform for his dear Army?  
Worries raced through his mind causing anxiety to plague his every thought. He was overwhelmed with emotion and struggled to hold everything in.

Jimin sat with his legs crossed and rubbed Taehyung on the chest with his fingertips, waiting for his friend to relax or open up. Taehyung was always willing to speak to Jimin whenever he felt inadequate or overwhelmed with the events of life. Even just sitting beside him while he cried made things better, somehow. Jimin; the ever peaceful and patient friend he held so dear.  
Taehyung allowed his eyes to roll back before closing as he took a shallow inhale.   
“What if this happens again? Or on stage in front of everyone?”  
“Nah, taehyungie, you don’t have to worry about the future. Stressing about that is the only thing that’ll make you sick. Let’s just focus on feeling better today. Like Namjoon-Hyung said, ‘it’s probably just the flu’.....”

“We’re okay, Taehyungie.”

Taehyung reached his hand out and placed it on top of jimin’s, stilling the tickling sensations he had been feeling on his chest. The size difference always made Jimin feel so small and secure when he held Taehyung’s massive hand.  
His fingers curled around, swallowing jimin’s whole hand, only leaving the smaller’s thumb free to rub over Taehyung’s flesh.

“It’ll be okay, taehyungie. 사랑해!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still slowly developing the story with this chapter.  
> But this next chapter will be an interactive one.  
> Just comment the name of one of the seven members. The one with the most comments will be the ‘winner’.   
> 괜찮아


	3. Boyz With Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The one person that gets the bed all to himself is the one that likes sleeping with other members,” J-Hope announced to the cameras, exposing the irony of the situation.

Weeks after Taehyung first became ill, everything seemed to be going well. Their comeback happened and the group set new, and broke, many records. Winning award after award, they were living their dream. The seven kings of comeback had taken over airwaves, television, computers, and stages all over the world. Their lives became nonstop performances for their passion.

The seven members had been continuing their filming for their VLive program Run BTS, despite their busy Comeback schedule. The staff organized multiple episodes that could be filmed within the day to get them ahead for future uploads while they toured in Europe and the US.

The seven boys gathered in front of a bustling terminal at LaGuardia Airport, after flying for hours from LAX Airport to New York.  
They were filming another episode today, and it began late in the afternoon, just after gathering their luggage and filing off the plane.  
The staff illustrated the next few days of filming in accordance with their New York television appearances.  
They were to head to the rental house where they would have to play a game to determine room accommodations. The gimmick was that, out of three bedrooms, one member that was the winner of the game, got to choose his room and have it all to himself. The other six would have to divide between the final two rooms.

After being told the rules of the first game, the members boarded a large van to take them to their new residence for the weekend.

The house was immaculate in size, overlooking the shore of the Atlantic Ocean. Windows spanned the entire length of the Eastern wall, giving the members the refreshing feel of constant sea breeze flowing through the open windows on the balcony above. The house featured two stories with a double balcony, and included an indoor swimming pool, and gaming lounge.

The seven members congregated at the large, oak table in the dining room while the staff setup cameras and computers to begin filming. None of the members were suffering from jet lag, so they were anxious to begin the game. After all, they were used to barely getting any shut eye, even when they weren’t flying through multiple time zones.  
As the crew prepared, they gave a quick rundown of the rules for the game to the boys. Behind the cameras, they were always told before filming so there was little confusion during filming.  
PD-nim listed the rules of the game on a dry erase board for the members:

1\. Hidden around the house are several cards with South Korean facts.  
2\. Find a card and fill in the blank correctly.  
3\. The fact, in its entirety, will lead you to an object with a hidden BTS logo sticker.  
4\. Collect the most stickers to win.  
5\. Some stickers are trickier than others.

“Ohh, Rapmonie-Hyung will be good at this,” Jimin stated, leaning back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest.  
Namjoon had a high IQ, so the other six assumed he’d do the best at puzzle solving.  
“Nah, any one of us should be able to answer facts about Korea,” Namjoon humbly interjected. He understood it wasn’t just filling in the blanks, but also Hide and Seek with inanimate objects. It was fair game for everyone.

The members began filming the opening sequence of their program with the staff. They were full of giggles and giddiness like usual when filming together, constantly worrying about the entertainment value for the viewers.

The staff instructed the seven to begin the game, and each one leapt from their seats to navigate through the house, exploring for clues.

Jungkook ran off to the indoor pool that was at the farthest end of the house. He wanted to spread out away from the others in hopes they’d all be bumping into each other at the front of the house.  
“How big are the cards,” he jokingly asked his personal camera man following him around, knowing he wasn’t going to get any hints.  
He stood for a moment near the pool and looked above him and scanned his eyes down the walls. There weren’t many shelves in this room to hide a lot, so he overlooked an abundance of space he thought was open.  
“Ah!” Jungkook sighed in a higher octave as he cocked his head and ran to the next room, his camera man closely behind him. His concept was to run the fastest, but it showed a carelessness when paying attention to detail was important.

Seokjin slowly roamed around the large kitchen, looking high and low. He opened drawers, but didn’t find any cards.  
“Aish, this is too much,” he exclaimed to his camera man.  
He reached for the refrigerator handle and opened the door. He noticed some food items already stocked for their three night stay, and decided to make a snack before actually participating in the game.  
He pulled out an orange and turned to his camera man. He held his crooked finger in front of his pouty lips, as if eating during the game should be their safely kept secret.  
He began to peel the orange when Taehyung entered and caught his eye. They locked gazes and laughed at each other when Jin realized his snacking had been exposed.  
Taehyung walked up to Jin and fixed his eyes on his treat, waiting like a baby bird to be fed from his mother.

The older male pulled a segment free and fed it to Taehyung, before even having a chance to feed himself first.  
While chewing the juicy citrus, Taehyung opened the fridge, curious to see if Jin had looked for a card in there. He crouched down to look at the bottom shelf, but failed to find anything amongst the groceries.  
“I already checked,” Jin laughed as he continued eating.  
Taehyung looked up towards the top shelf when he noticed a circular purple sticker through the glass shelf adhered to a jar.  
“Ah!” Taehyung exclaimed as he stood up and lifted the jar of kimchi from the shelf. He pulled the sticker from the bottom and held it out in front of him to show Jin what he just found by a fluke. He laughed realizing he found the sticker without locating the clue.  
“Aigoo, Taehyung-ah!” Jin scoffed with food packed to the side of his mouth. His eyes only noticed food when he had looked earlier since his stomach had been growling for hours previously.  
Taehyung laughed as he ran from the kitchen in search of another sticker. Knowing what he was looking for, he didn’t worry about finding clue cards anymore, and instead, lifted objects and decorations throughout the rooms in search of the stickers, completely bypassing the main aspect of the game. He planned searching each room, assuming multiples wouldn’t be in the same room, but further throughout the house.

Jimin entered one of the bathrooms on the second floor and instantly spotted a card behind the mirror.  
He picked up the card and read it aloud to the camera man following him.

“The (blank) is South Korea’s national flower.”

Jimin looked up at the camera and pretended to not know the answer for entertainment of suspense.  
He pointed and exclaimed with the snap of his fingers, “the Mugungwha is the national flower!”  
He moved to stare at the card trying to think of what he should look for now.  
“Do I have to find a flower now?” He asked his camera man, not expecting an answer but more of a rhetorical question for viewer dialogue.  
He scanned the large bathroom looking at the decorations. He noticed a single fake hibiscus flower sitting in a glass vase on the windowsill and ran over to pick it up. He saw the sticker on the bottom and snatched if off. After replacing the flower back haphazardly, he held the sticker in front of the camera and laughed maniacally as he ran from the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Namjoon walked into the master bedroom where a lone kingsize bed sat in the middle with the foot facing an opened sliding glass door that led out to the balcony. The wind softly blew the sheer curtains giving the room an ominous feel during the daylight hours.  
Aesthetics aside, namjoon’s beautiful brain was focused solely on searching for fact cards.  
He scanned the room with his dark eyes and quickly spotted a purple card poking out from under the vanity.  
“Oh!” Namjoon exclaimed as he glided his way over to the card. “You guys are slipping with your hiding spots,” he joked with his camera man. He remembered previous episodes where the staff found absurdly difficult challenges for the members to perform.  
He flipped the card over to reveal the fact and read it aloud to the camera:

“(Blank) is considered bad luck since it’s the same Chinese character for Death.”

“Oh, this one’s easy; it’s four,” Namjoon stated. The realization of the second part to finding the sticker struck him rather quickly that this was not as simple as he once thought.  
“Now what does ‘4’ go to?” Namjoon pondered while glancing around the room.  
“Is the answer gonna be in the same room?” The leader rhetorically questioned aloud.  
“Hmmm...”  
Namjoon wandered towards the bed and recklessly tossed the comforter down like the God of Destruction. Eschewing the fluffy down pillows, he spotted a second purple card hidden in the shadows.  
“Ah-ha,” Namjoon gleefully cheered as he picked up the second card:

“Along with Tokyo residents, Seoulites get the least amount of (blank) of any residents of major cities in the world, just fewer than 6 hours a night.”

“Six hours of sleep?” Namjoon smirked at the camera, already knowing the missing part was for rest, “that would be a blessing to get that amount every night.”  
“Does sleep mean the sticker is in the bed?” Namjoon lifted the sheets, but found nothing out of the ordinary. He lifted a pillow and reached inside the thin pillowcase until his fingers were tickled by something foreign.  
“Oh!” Namjoon reacted. He pulled a sticker from the case and gave a proud smile, revealing the dimples on his cheeks.  
“So ‘4’?” He looked again at his first card, now understanding something with a ‘4’, or possibly counting to four, would be correct.  
His eyes gleamed over a clock hanging on the wall, subtly looking out of place in this room.  
He reached up and pulled the clock from the hook it was hanging on and spun it around in his hands. He could already see the purple sticker stuck to the back, and immediately pocketed his second finding.  
Namjoon was now leading the game with two stickers to his finding.

Jimin slowly wandered through the hallways with his camera man leading in front of him. He tended to lose his competitiveness with his fellow members in lieu of giving a better performance for the entertainment value.  
While he still played the game to a certain extent, offering comedy to the viewers was at the forefront of his mind.  
As jimin suavely sashayed down the second story hall, he casually opened a linen closet to take a gander.  
Out in the open at his eye level, jimin noticed a fact card tucked between two fluffy towels.  
“Ah-ha,” jimin announced victoriously.

“The most common family names in South Korea are (blank), (blank), and (blank).”

“Three blanks?” Jimin questioned looking at his camera man. “Are the other facts like this?”  
He looked back at the fact card and searched the nooks and crannies of his mystified brain for three possible answers.  
“Well, ‘Kim’ has to be the first,” jimin laughed. “I mean, we have three Kims on our team.”  
He stood in the hall looking at the card when Taehyung’s footsteps could be heard accelerating up the stairs.  
Jimin made eye contact with his friend and they both coyly smiled at the other.  
“Jimin-ssi, did you find a sticker?” Taehyung asked with his deep, gravely voice.  
“No, just the fact card,” jimin said as he moved to hold it out for Taehyung’s viewing.  
“Help me, taehyungie.”  
Taehyung read the card held in jimin’s delicate hands. He took the opportunity to grasp onto jimin’s wrist to steady his hand better. A mix of exhaustion and adrenaline were causing a jitteriness in jimin’s quaking body, which was common during the first two months after a comeback.  
Jimin stared at Taehyung’s handsome facial features while he carefully contemplated the missing blanks on the card.  
“Do you know it, taehyungie?” Jimin asked in a lovingly lilt.  
“Kim?” Taehyung questioned.  
“Yah, Taehyung-ssi! That’s the one I got.” Jimin laughed as he placed his hand on the back of Taehyung’s neck, giving it a soft squeeze. He enjoyed touching Taehyung since his body size was larger than his own. His neck was thicker, his fingers were longer, and he had grown drastically over the years after debut, while jimin had only gotten smaller in size.  
“Where’d you find the card?” Taehyung asked his friend.  
Jimin pointed into the linen closet and lifted some of the towels. “It was wedged in between these.”  
Taehyung shifted to start rifling through the towels to see if he could find a sticker hidden.  
“Maybe we don’t need the card if it’s on one of the towels,” Taehyung guessed.  
“We?” Jimin asked. “Are we a team?”  
Taehyung paused and flashed his square smile at jimin.  
“We’re always a team.”  
Jimin’s heart pattered for his adorable friend.  
He turned to face his camera and pointed towards Taehyung, “yah, this guy’s cute!”  
Jimin decided to move on to another room in the house instead of lingering on the fact card he had procured. Taehyung could hear Jimin muttering down the hall in defeat, giving up quite quickly in the hunt.

After watching jimin cross the hall and exit down the stairs, Taehyung turned to the staff and lifted the card to his chest.  
“Kim, Lee, Park?” His square smile was radiating as he waited for recognition from the staff.  
He watched the Director names Kim reach into his pocket and pull out a purple sticker. He held it out towards Taehyung, and the younger graciously took it with both hands.  
“Ah, thank you!” Taehyung gleamed with a slight bow.  
He now tied the game with Leader Namjoon.

Halfway through the allotted time, the members were finding fact cards and retrieving stickers for themselves.  
J-Hope accrued the sticker found in the kitchen on a pack of Gim brand seaweed snacks after reading the fact:

“South Korea harvests more than 90% of the world’s (blank) consumption.”

Solving the fact with the hidden word ‘seaweed’, J-Hope soon found his first sticker of the game.  
The second fact card he found in the kitchen proved great confusion:

“South Korea’s national dish is (blank) with over 170 variations.”

J-Hope solved the fact with the word ‘kimchi’, but when he found the jar in the refrigerator, the sticker was missing, not knowing Taehyung had found that particular token earlier without the clue. He would remain stupefied in the kitchen until the end of the game due to unforeseen circumstances.

Yoongi was proving to be a master at the game when he stumbled upon the laptop hidden on the second balcony. He thought the laptop placed between two double sized wicker chairs was a bit strange, so he moved to search around it.  
He found the grandest of clue cards when he realized there were three incomplete facts on one card. Surely the owner of this card would leapfrog to the front of the pact and edge out the competition.  
All of the clues on the card revolved around the same common theme:

“92% of South Korean population are (blank) users.”

“The microchips for Apple’s iPhones are made by the South Korean company (blank).”

“In 2011, South Korea passed a law called the Shutdown, or (blank), Law that bans anyone younger than 16 from online game sites.”

Yoongi was very knowledgeable with computers after spending the majority of his life using them to develop songs, and produce music.  
“If I know the blanks, what do I do then?” Yoongi asked one of the staff members that had been positioned on the balcony for filming.  
For fear the clues were too difficult to get to the next step, the staff member hinted at using the laptop for the location of the stickers  
Yoongi lifted the screen that had been angled nearly closed, and watched the screen flash to the desktop.  
Multiple manilla folder icons filled the screen. Yoongi slowly read the descriptive words under each icon until he found one titled ’Samsung’.  
He clicked the file as he explained to the camera for future viewers that Samsung made the Apple chips for iPhones.  
The folder opened up to a white screen with a single purple BTS sticker in the center of the screen.  
He looked towards the staff member that was reaching out to hand him a hard copy of the sticker for his virtual find.  
“Ah, okay! Okay!” Yoongi understood and proceeded to read each of the remaining files knowing the other two answers were somewhere in plain sight.  
“I’m assuming since the theme is electronics,” Yoongi groaned to himself in his monotone voice, “the answer to the first one is ‘92% are internet users.”  
He calmly clicked on the folder labeled ‘Internet’ and watched the screen transition to the image of the purple BTS sticker once again.  
The same staff member handed over the second sticker to Yoongi, who was flashing his gummy smile.  
Without hesitating, Yoongi returned his eyes to the laptop.  
“And that means the last one would have to be....” he hovered the mouse crosshair over another folder and clicked, revealing the last hidden virtual BTS sticker.  
“The Cinderella Law!” Yoongi triumphantly announced.  
The second eldest collected the third and final sticker from the balcony location, and scurried back inside in search for more clue cards.

Jungkook wandered about the house, passing members in adjoining rooms, but he resisted searching where others had been.  
He carried a sticker in his possession that he found on the underside of the roof of the changing room near the pool house. He never found the clue card stating the missing piece of the puzzle:

“All South Korean (roofs) are curved at the ends giving the appearance of a smile.”

He procured the sticker and hustled away without giving a second thought of finding a sticker before possessing the clue.

Namjoon found two more clue cards in the master bathroom:

“Only 3.2% of Koreans are (blank) which ties japan for the lowest.”

And: 

“Instead of air heaters, Koreans have heated floors, called (blank).”

Namjoon scoffed at the first incomplete fact calling it ‘too vague’.  
“I know the second one is ‘ondol’, but does that mean I have to look under the floorboards?”  
Namjoon looked around the room when he heard footsteps growing closer to his location.  
He flicked his head back to see Taehyung enter the doorway.  
“Hyung, did you find anything?” Taehyung asked in a deep voice masked with aegyo intentions.  
Despite feeling competitive, Namjoon was stuck on his clues and thought about making an alliance with the younger.  
“Do you want to work together?” Namjoon asked, “I have two clues from this room. We can each take one.”  
“Okay, okay,” Taehyung quickly agreed, moving next to Namjoon to read the clue card he possessed.  
Namjoon wrapped his arm around Taehyung’s waist and allowed him to read the card he held in front of him.  
“I know the second one is ‘Ondol’, but I can’t figure out the first one, or where to look for ‘Ondol’,” Namjoon conferred.  
“Hyung, there’s a radiator there behind the door,” Taehyung gestured towards the silver object. It was an older accordion radiator that seemed out of place for the updated, modern style house.  
Namjoon raced over and reached his hand into the shadows behind the heater, pulling back a purple sticker.  
“Alright, V!” Namjoon cheered the younger for his cunning deduction.  
“Now we have this vague one,” Namjoon said as he held the card back out to let Taehyung take it and decipher the fact. Namjoon always thought Taehyung had a brilliant mind since he looked at problems differently instead of in a rigid, black and white aspect.

Taehyung read the card, but agreed with Namjoon that the fact was very vague in what it was stating.  
He remembered finding his first sticker without ever locating the clue, and thought maybe luck could strike a second time.  
“Hyung, what if we just look around for the sticker instead of solving this. I think they’re in the same room as the cards are found.”  
Namjoon smirked at Taehyung’s sneaky demeanor and patted him on the back of the neck.  
“Only you would think a step ahead of everyone else,” Namjoon complimented the younger.  
They split up in the room and began looking under, behind, and inside various places.  
Taehyung knelt down and opened the cabinet beneath the sink and noticed a peculiar piece of equipment under the pipes. He lifted a body fat scale and saw the purple sticker attached to the underside of it. Taehyung could have coyly snuck the sticker in his pocket since Namjoon was preoccupied on the other side, but he decided to hold onto the honor and integrity, and called to the older male.  
“Hyung!”  
Namjoon turned and saw Taehyung holding a purple sticker.  
“It was on the scale,” Taehyung said.  
Namjoon grabbed the sticker from Taehyung and looked back at the fact card.  
“Only 3.2% of Koreans are ‘overweight’,” Namjoon deduced.  
“Here, Taehyung-ssi,” Namjoon said as he handed the purple sticker back to the younger male. “Our deal was to split them.”  
Taehyung took the sticker and felt excited that he was already doing well in the game.  
The two divided up and left to search the other rooms in the house.

Yoongi, Taehyung, and Namjoon entered a three way tie for the prize.

“ONE STICKER REMAINS!” The staff member’s voice boomed through the house by use of the intercom connected to each room. “SINK OR SWIM!”  
Cameramen picked up each individual reaction as the announcement was overheard. Some remained puzzled with the last bit, while others kicked it into overdrive.  
Jungkook did an about face and ran for the lower level, tracing his steps back to the pool where he first searched. He bumped into Taehyung whom was also hastily running towards the first floor.  
They giggled as they playfully pulled on each other to be the first member to the pool room.  
They watched Suga scuttle past the foot of the staircase with his tiny, rapid steps, making his way, also, to the pool room.  
The three members entered the room and found J-Hope already looking around.  
Jungkook was in a land of confusion since this was the first room he attempted a search on. He must have carelessly overlooked the clue since he barely spent a minute looking.  
Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin joined the rest of the group, and the room suddenly became crowded with cameramen and staff members.  
“Ah, I found it!” Jin exclaimed with glee as he ran from the spare towels with a fact card.

“(Blank) is the national sport.”

“Taekwondo!” Jin yelled out immediately after reading, causing everyone to freeze in their tracks and look at the staff director, waiting for confirmation that he was correct. But the staff members had no reaction, like filming wild animals for the Discovery Channel.

“Jin-Hyung,” jimin laughed, watching the elders antics. “You have to find the sticker, not just yell ‘Taekwondo’!”  
The other members burst into audible laughter as they watched the eldest become flustered after solving the clue for everyone, instead of secretly keeping the card to himself.  
“What’s ‘taekwondo’ supposed to mean?” Namjoon asked to no one in particular.  
“Yah!” J-Hope shouted as he flicked his hand out to point a slender finger at the pool.  
His teeth were showing while we laughed in a wide grin at how sly the staff was.  
“It’s at the bottom of the pool!”  
Hobi noticed the blurry sticker adhered to the bottom of the pool.  
All of the members halted their actions, not wanting to get wet, except for two playful souls:  
Taehyung was already spring boarding into the pool while jungkook was just a few seconds after as he took a moment to remove his jacket.  
The older hyungs watched their dongsaengs and even cheered them on, no longer caring about results.  
“Taehyungie’s a strong swimmer,” jimin said watching his friend get close to the sticker.

Jungkook playfully pulled onto Taehyung’s sides, knowing he wasn’t going to make it in time with Taehyung’s head start.  
Taehyung kept kicking until he was in arms reach, even managing to ignore the maknaes tickling fingers on his legs. He ripped the sticker from the bottom, and both boys kicked up to the surface.  
Taehyung held up the sticker and several members applauded him.  
As the boys crawled out of the pool dripping wet, jimin wrapped a fluffy towel around Taehyung while Jin comically enveloped jungkook in a towel with a hug.

The members stood in a filed line for the last bit of filming for the episode.  
The staff prepared to read the results and each member casually talked about their experiences.  
“Yah! This kid found a sticker on a jar of kimchi without even finding the clue!” Jin joked.  
“I found that card!” J-Hope announced in disbelief. “I stayed in the kitchen almost the whole game looking for that sticker! Yah, Taehyung-ssi!”  
Taehyung laughed when he realized his startling find had kept a member preoccupied, and most likely, to lose the game.  
“Taehyung was good at that,” Namjoon admitted, “he helped me find one that way.”  
“I found one outside like that, too,” jungkook confessed.

The staff began their result findings:

“In last place....with zero stickers....  
Jin!”

The members laughed hysterically at Jin’s misfortune at playing games.

“Next....is a three way tie....each finding only one sticker....  
J-Hope, Jimin, and Jungkook.”

“The ‘J’s’ are all out!” Namjoon laughed, feeling excited since he held three stickers in his possession and half the team was out of the running.

“And the winner is......”

The members stood in suspense. Each knew how many stickers they obtained, but none of them knew how many the others had found.

“Taehyung!”

Taehyung’s last pool sticker put him in the lead with four total. He cheered for himself and did an aegyo victory dance.  
“The one person that gets the bed all to himself is the one that likes sleeping with other members,” J-Hope announced to the cameras, exposing the irony of the situation.  
“That’s okay, I’ll have enough pillows,” Taehyung sheepishly responded, despite agreeing that he didn’t enjoy sleeping alone these days. His mind was constantly restless, and having someone next to him helped comfort his tormented thoughts for the moment until he slipped into dreamland.

The members dispersed from filming the game segment, and finished the evening eating New York popular delicacies of pizza and New York cheesecake for dessert. Although the members agreed the Americanized treat was too sweet to the foreign palettes, jungkook found the overly sweet taste very alluring, and considered it simply to be excessive calories to bulk his muscles during his workout tomorrow morning.  
Between witty banter at the dining table, and various connotations of memories so far, the members casually passed the time laughing until early evening approached.

Taehyung hesitantly sipped his soda with the sudden onset of nausea overwhelming his core. His mind disappeared from the conversation while he slowly focused on breathing deep, long breaths to squelch the acidic burn erupting from within.

Jin’s agreed punishment was cleanup duty since he didn’t find any stickers during the entire game earlier, according to the staff.  
This meant the other members had some free time to relax in the house while cameras were busy filming Jin.

Taehyung retired, without a word, to the master bedroom with his suitcase so he could change into sleepwear to feel more comfortable. His stomach was reeling in pain and the onset dizziness was creating a sharp headache, pulsating Taehyung’s aching brain.  
Once changed, he laid under the covers and felt a clammy chill overwhelm his entire body. His feet and hands were freezing and he couldn’t stop the vibrational shakiness developing throughout his body. His skin prickled with goose flesh, and his teeth quietly chattered as he curled the blanket around his neck and rocked in a childlike fetal position.  
A pressure in his abdomen took his breath away as he felt his lungs being strangled for air with every compressing expansion of his diaphragm with his heavy inhales.  
The pain became excruciatingly unbearable and salty tears welled in the boys eyes, quickly streaming down his angled face that he buried into his pillow.  
Ghostly moans escaped his puffy lips and he moved to slowly rock back and forth in an effort to ease the pain.

It was happening again. The excruciating pain was back, but this time, things would only get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The winner voted on by the readers was Taehyung!  
> Thank you so much for participating last week.  
> This chapter was longer than expected, but I didn’t want to split it into 2 parts since next week’s chapter takes a turn and I didn’t want it pushed back a week.


	4. Save Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing is your fault,” he spoke softly but firmly. “The people out there only care about your health right now. They don’t care about filming, they don’t care about schedules, they don’t think being here is a waste of time....they only care about you. So when they come back here, you’re not going to apologize to them. They know you didn’t do this on purpose. I don’t want you to feel bad about this, or blame yourself. Do you hear me?”

Taehyung laid awake in the king size bed, alone with a sick pit in his stomach. The pressure in his abdomen had returned shortly after dinner, but Taehyung quickly retired to his room to lay down away from the others as to not worry them in regards to what he had been dealing with in secret.

Darkness had yet to fall, and a summer storm had moved in to the New York area to cascade rainfall onto the rental house.  
Taehyung watched the soft raindrops fall from the roof in front of his window. Watching the droplets cause the leaves to dance on the tree outside would, normally, have given him a sense of euphoric peace; but peace eluded him in this sickening state.  
Acrid acid built in his stomach and a wave of nausea overtook his whole body. He rolled to his side and began breathing slow exhales to ease his trembling mind in a method of meditation.  
With his mouth beginning to water, he darted for the bathroom down the main upstairs hallway.  
Barely able to slam the door shut behind himself, he lifted the toilet lid and felt the dry heaves overtake him.  
Burning stomach acid stinging his esophagus as he wretched his dinner out, his eyes watered and exhaustion consumed his last bit of strength. He collapsed to his knees with a thud, and leaned his face onto his arms, nearly hanging his body into the bowl.  
With an empty stomach now, he could really feel the pain aching in his side. Feelings of being stabbed with a sharp, burning rod piercing his abdomen made tears speckle out of his tightly squeezed eyelids. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the sudden urge of being choked.

A knock happened against the bathroom door as Taehyung rested his exhausted self on the floor.  
“You okay?” He heard Jin’s muffled voice through the wooden door.  
Before Taehyung could respond through his heaving labored breaths and dull moans, the doorknob clicked and Jin slowly peered his head passed the door frame.  
After realizing Taehyung was not well, Jin quickly rushed in, pressing the door closed behind him, and running over to help Taehyung.  
He dropped down to a squat next to the young male and placed his hands on Taehyung’s back.  
“Taehyungie, are you okay?” Jin asked in a motherly tone.  
He brushed Taehyung’s sweat soaked bangs from his forehead and noticed the glassy eyed slits barely open, showing only the whites of his rolled back eyes.  
“Oh no!” Jin exclaimed as he stood up and grabbed a washcloth from the sink. He ran it under the cold tap water and rushed to wring it out, leaving behind a lot of excess liquid to drip down his thin arm.  
He returned to squatting back next to Taehyung and pressed the cold cloth against the younger’s skin. He was burning up with a fever, causing great worry for the eldest. He wiped Taehyung’s mouth clean, and then pressed the cold cloth against the boy’s neck that was dripping with sweat.  
“Come here, Taehyung,” Jin instructed to the dazed younger as he coaxed him to lift his head from his arm.  
Taehyung softly moaned in protest, reeling his body in pain with the slightest pressure on his torso when his core tightened with the movement.  
Jin closed the lid to the toilet and pressed the handle to flush the contents away.  
He leaned back to sit against the wall and pulled Taehyung closer between his spread legs, having his back lay against his broad chest.  
With the younger leaning his head back onto the eldest’s strong shoulder, Jin proceeded to wipe Taehyung’s entire face and neck with the soaked washcloth to help cool him down.  
The acidic breath he could smell with every exhale coming from the boy caused his stomach to churn in agony. The acrid stench of vomit and bile lingered on his breath and billowed with his sharp exhales of pain.  
Jin noticed Taehyung clutching his abdomen in the same location he remembered from weeks ago during the cancelled practice.  
“Oh, Taehyung-Ah,” Jin exclaimed as he hindered his wiping to wrap his arms around his dongsaeng, placing one hand on top of Taehyung’s to feel the pressure being furtively applied to the invisible wound. He comfortably rocked softly while gripping onto Taehyung. He could feel the stinging sensation of tears prickling his sinus, but managed to hold strong for the one he held in his arms. He didn’t want to worry Taehyung, especially while he was this ill.

Taehyung laid motionless in Jin’s arms, allowing the elder to gently rock back and forth. As Jin pressed his left hand against Taehyung’s slender fingers, he felt the grip slack a bit from the clutched state it was in moments ago.  
Jin’s worry peaked when he felt Taehyung begin to shake. He grabbed one of Taehyung’s hands and held it out, realizing the slender fingertips were blue and vibrating uncontrollably.  
“Taehyungie?!” Jin exclaimed with great distress, voice rising in volume than when he had first entered the room with his dongsaeng.  
“Taehyung, please wake up!” Increasing panic overtook Jin and he felt hopeless and lost.  
He pressed his palm onto Taehyung’s chest to feel his heartbeat; to feel it rise with breath.  
He held his own breath while he concentrated on feeling Taehyung’s chest rise and fall slightly.  
“Taehyung, please don’t do this to me! Please?!” The tears he once managed to hold at bay came pouring from his dark eyes and fell against Taehyung’s neck as he pressed his chin against Taehyung’s jawline to beckon his pleas in the boy’s ear.  
“Oh God, please!” Jin’s voice rose to an audible yell with every request. He shifted Taehyung in his arms so he could lift his chin and angle his face towards his own. Taehyung’s puffy lips were a dark shade of purple, and his jaw was slack.  
Jin felt panic overwhelming his every thought. This shouldn’t be happening. This was a young, healthy kid. He shouldn’t be in the bathroom in the evening, checking to see if his family member was still breathing.

“Help!” Jin screamed out while still clutching Taehyung. “Please, someone help!” His voice cracked with an outburst of tears flowing freely. He was crying for the life of the kid he held in his arms.  
“Help! Dear God, help!” He continued screaming, not giving a moment of time to pass without trying to get someone in that room.  
“Taehyungie, please wake up,” he cried uncontrollably as he placed his hand onto Taehyung’s cheek and gave a jostling tap.  
“Please just be okay!”  
The movement of Jin fidgeting to constantly check Taehyung’s chest for a heartbeat caused the boy’s hands to fall limply against Jin’s thighs.  
“No, taehyungie, please don’t do this to me!” Jin absentmindedly gripped onto Taehyung’s hands and held them back against his chest like they were before.  
He moved a hand across the boy to reposition Taehyung’s face, tilting his chin up with his thin fingers so he could press his lips lovingly against the swollen cheeks, giving Taehyung a dry kiss. Without breaking skinship, Jin continued leaning in as he cried onto Taehyung, “I’m begging you! Please! Just wake up!”

Jin heard footsteps slapping against the hardwood floor and then the door burst open, unveiling his savior to be none other than Namjoon.  
He was, once again, the responsible one to take on a task much more mature than he should have been subjected to during his young age.  
He ran into the bathroom and crouched down next to Jin and Taehyung, careful not to disturb anything as he didn’t know what had happened, yet.  
Jin’s chest heaved as he choked on his breath from the falling tears pouring out.  
The sight Namjoon saw was heart wrenching as he watched his Hyung grip the lifeless body so tightly against himself, trying to hold on to sanity as it was being ripped away thoughtlessly.  
“He won’t wake up!” Jin cried out in fearful terror. He was still clutching Taehyung tightly to his chest, revealing bluish/purple lips on the younger’s open mouth.  
“Here, lay him down,” Namjoon said, attempting not to freak out in front of Jin, even though he could tell the eldest was past the point of composure.  
He helped slide Taehyung onto the floor, allowing Jin to pull his leg out from underneath the limp body. Though Jin didn’t want to release Taehyung from his embrace, he obeyed Namjoon’s commands.  
“Taehyung?” Namjoon called as he tapped the soft cheek of the boy. He tilted Taehyung’s head back to clear his airway and leaned down to his lips to listen for the sound of air movement.  
“He’s still breathing, Jin-Hyung,” Namjoon reassured the eldest, but couldn’t fathom why he wasn’t waking up. His breath had a crackling sound with every slow inhale like sputum was stuck in his airway.  
“Roll him to his side and hold his head, Jin-Hyung,” Namjoon said, even though he was in the process of rolling Taehyung to his side before he finished his sentence.  
Jin lifted Taehyung’s head and placed it on his thigh while he continued to rub his back, and down his arm.  
“He was throwing up and then he passed out!” Jin informed the leader between fits of tears. “I don’t know what happened!”

Namjoon watched as Jin began rocking back and forth to comfort himself, now gripping back onto Taehyung’s arm and running his hand through his dark hair, slicking it back against his scalp with sweat. He pulled out his cellphone and quickly called for an ambulance since Jin couldn’t speak English very well in the foreign country, nor did he think Jin could pull himself together to understand what he was saying through the nonstop tears.

While Namjoon was on the phone with the operator, pacing the length of the bathroom, and Jin whispering crying pleas to Taehyung that was limp in his lap, Min Yoongi stumbled into the doorway and saw the fiasco unfolding before him. He had heard the screams emanating from Seokjin and came to see what the commotion was about.  
“What happened,” Yoongi asked, running into the bathroom and crouching down next to Jin. He put his hand on Jin’s back, feeling it was all the consoling he could do for him now.  
Jin cocked his head and cried out to Yoongi, feeling he couldn’t contain anymore composure.  
“He won’t wake up, Yoongi!” A hitch caught in his throat, and more guttural sobs emerged. Jin bowed his head to rest it softly on Taehyung’s shoulder while clasping tightly to the youngest’s cold hand. Yoongi rubbed Jin on the back, and watched Namjoon pace the floor.  
Just then, more members and staff could be heard racing down the hallway to aide in the help. They heard the commotion from the lower levels and came to see what was the matter. Everything became a blur for the members, like life was being played in slow motion.

——————————-

Taehyung rolled his tired eyes and weakly blinked in the bright fluorescent lighting from above. His body felt heavy and he attempted to raise his hand to rub his puffy eyelids, but was met with resistance.

“Taehyung-Ah, don’t move your arm.”

Taehyung turned towards the monotoned voice, but still couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes without feeling the light burn his retinas.  
He smacked his chapped lips and felt an acidic desert in his throat, making him want to cough the dryness away.  
He cleared his throat trying to bring up some moisture when he felt cold fingers wrap around his hand.

“How are you feeling?”

He heard the low voice again, but still was struggling to open his eyes. He felt overly exhausted, and his head was dizzy with painful movements and confusion.

“Taehyung-ssi?”

He heard the voice repeating itself. He allowed the blinding light to break through the darkness as he slowly winked the slits apart.  
Once his eyes adjusted after a moment, he saw Yoongi sitting by the edge of the white bed, wrapping his small, pale hand around his tanned skin. He noticed his Hyung had puffy, red eyes like he may have been crying earlier.

Taehyung poked his tongue through his parted lips to try to moisten them before speaking.  
With a hoarseness in his throat, he managed to croak out a sentence to his elder, “where am I?” He was surprised by the gravely deepness that he heard come out of his own mouth.

Yoongi moved to scratch his nails softly against the skin of Taehyung’s arm as he spoke, “you’re in a hospital.”

Taehyung’s confusion doubled as he didn’t remember anything that had happened after finishing dinner. He forgot about going to bed, throwing up in the bathroom, and passing out in Jin’s arms.

Yoongi continued speaking, “you passed out in the bathroom and Jin found you.”  
After a moments pause, Yoongi asked, “you don’t remember anything?”

Taehyung sullenly shook his head. Why didn’t he remember anything?  
“What’s happening? Where is everyone?” Taehyung started questioning in a slow, softer volume to erase the pain he felt when he tried to speak.

“They drew your blood, and took you away for a chest X-ray and a CT Scan when you came in. You have an IV in your hand since you were dehydrated, and they gave you a steroid shot. You were receiving oxygen, but they took that out about an hour ago when you went back for one of the tests.”  
Yoongi continued on to answer Taehyung’s second question.  
“The others are in the waiting area since you can only have one person back here at a time. Namjoon was here to talk to the doctors, but he went to tell the others after you were done with your tests. And now, I’m here since I’m the best at sitting.”  
Taehyung stared at Yoongi through his monologue, and gave a weak smile at his hyung’s attempt at a joke.  
He turned his hand upwards and held his palm out with his fingers spread. Yoongi reached out and interlaced his fingers with the younger member.

Taehyung’s voice cracked as a hitch in his throat caught when tears suddenly trickled down his cheeks.  
“I’m sorry, Hyung!” Taehyung bellowed. Seeing the redness around yoongi’s eyes, and knowing the members were all worrying in the waiting area made Taehyung feel terrible about himself. He gripped tightly onto yoongi’s hand, nearly constricting the blood flow from reaching his fingers.  
“No, Taehyung,” Yoongi stated. “There’s no reason to apologize. Things just happen that we can’t control sometimes, and this is one of them.”  
Taehyung bit his lip trying to stifle his sobs, but he couldn’t help feeling like the weakest member and undeserving of what he’s received.  
“Taehyung-ssi, look at me,” Yoongi sternly demanded.  
Taehyung tilted his head to look at Yoongi whom was looking at their balled up fists. The elder placed his second hand on top of Taehyung’s and rubbed the skin with his thumb.  
“Nothing is your fault,” he spoke softly but firmly. “The people out there only care about your health right now. They don’t care about filming, they don’t care about schedules, they don’t think being here is a waste of time....they only care about you. So when they come back here, you’re not going to apologize to them. They know you didn’t do this on purpose. I don’t want you to feel bad about this, or blame yourself. Do you hear me?”  
Taehyung hesitated, not wanting to admit Yoongi was right. He felt this was his fault, some how, but he couldn’t say that to his hyung’s face.  
“Taehyung-ssi?” Yoongi called, still waiting for acknowledgement from the younger.  
Taehyung could feel the burn of tears fall and run down his cheeks. He turned away and felt the frustration and embarrassment overwhelm his emotions.  
Yoongi released Taehyung’s hand, causing the younger’s heart to drop. He thought Yoongi was upset with him and was ready to walk out. But he watched Yoongi stand to grab a tissue from the counter and came back to the bed to lovingly wipe the hot tears staining Taehyung’s sunken cheeks.

After battling depression himself, Yoongi was always very careful to notice if the other members exhibited behaviors of the illness since he didn’t want them to experience the same sadness. He also knew that simply telling Taehyung nothing was his fault, wouldn’t be efficient enough to keep the internal demons at bay that plagued the boy’s mind.  
“Here, scoot over,” Yoongi said as he began scooting his small frame next to Taehyung’s.  
He leaned back against the raised bed and placed his arm around Taehyung’s neck, pulling him lightly into a side hug.  
Taehyung went to roll into Yoongi, but felt the IV pull in his hand, hindering his movement slightly.

“Have you been feeling sick?” Yoongi interrogated, noticing that Taehyung’s crying had stifled into audible sniffles.  
“I’ve been feeling fine, Hyung,” Taehyung reassured him.  
“Don’t lie to me, Taehyung-ssi. I’m not going to feel better just because you’re hiding information from me.”  
Yoongi was talented at making sure he heard the truth when he asked personal questions. He was relentless when it came to opening up with emotions.  
“Have you felt sick?” Yoongi questioned a second time.  
Taehyung didn’t audibly respond, but Yoongi felt the pressure of the boy’s head nod against his shoulder as confirmation.  
“Why didn’t you tell anybody?”  
Taehyung, again, kept silent and just shrugged his shoulders like a child about to be reprimanded for his actions.  
Yoongi sighed before continuing, “how often?”  
Taehyung’s voice was soft and slightly muffled, but he answered the question.  
“Off and on since that practice.”  
Yoongi knew he was talking about the practice that was cancelled before their comeback. He guessed with the comeback approaching, Taehyung didn’t want to worry anybody about his illness, so he hid it from the others as best he could.  
Yoongi tilted his head to rest it against Taehyung’s hair before asking another question.  
“What does it feel like?” He asked, this time in a softer voice filled with curiosity.  
“It feels like I’m being stabbed in my stomach and then I can’t breathe,” Taehyung opened up. He took a moment to wipe his eyes and nose and then repositioned his head back against yoongi’s shoulder.  
“When it happens during practice, I can’t catch my breath and I get really dizzy.”  
Yoongi just listened to Taehyung describe the pain while he softly rubbed his thumb across Taehyung’s fingers that rested on his thigh.  
“Sometimes it stops within a half hour....other times it doesn’t stop hurting until I wake up the next morning.”  
“Once a week? How long?”  
“It’s been happening more frequently, but I can handle it-“  
“Taehyung-Ah,” Yoongi interrupted. “If you’re feeling sick, you should tell us. This is serious, now. Don’t let this go, and don’t try to hide it from us.”  
Taehyung felt scolded and didn’t know what to say to Yoongi anymore. He wanted to apologize, but remembered what Yoongi had told him. So he quietly sat, resting his head on his Hyung’d shoulder. He wanted to figure out how to get better on his own, and tried to think of what was triggering his upset stomach. He was fine the entire day they were filming Run BTS, and became ill after dinner.  
Was it the food making him sick? He did notice a trend with feeling sick after eating, quite frequently.  
Was he developing an allergy to something?

——————————-

Yoongi sat in silence with Taehyung, not knowing what to say to the young member.  
Feeling relieved that he was no longer holding onto that secret, Taehyung’s mind felt at ease and he could feel his eyelids becoming heavy with sleep.  
With a sudden twitch of his hand, Yoongi could tell that Taehyung was falling asleep. He decided to take advantage of occupying the same hospital bed, and catch up on some much needed rest for himself while they waited for the results from the tests.

The two members stayed intertwined until a doctor entered the room.  
“Excuse me, we have Mr. Kim’s results,” the doctor announced, causing Yoongi to stir awake from his restful state.  
“Ah, one minute,” Yoongi said in English to the foreign doctor as he slid off the bed.  
He quickly walked out towards the waiting area to retrieve Namjoon for the English conversation.

Namjoon quickly got up from his seat amongst the other members and hurried back to Taehyung’s room.  
“Hello, sir,” Namjoon said offering a handshake to the doctor. “I’m his brother and interpreter.”  
The doctor kindly shook Namjoon’s hand and opened up the file he held in his hands.  
“Mr. Kim’s chest X-ray showed signs of foreign growth in his lungs, and with his fever at 102 degrees, he’s battling an infection.”  
Namjoon listened carefully to what the doctor had to say while Taehyung didn’t understand any of the medical jargon being spoke. He watched to see if Namjoon’s reaction to the results could be interpreted as bad news, but the elder had a stone cold expression, giving Taehyung no cues as to what could be going on with his health.

The doctor continued, “it’s called aspiration pneumonia. That’s why his skin turned blue since he wasn’t getting the oxygen that he needed. Perhaps when he was throwing up last night, he inhaled some of the stomach contents into his airway, causing the bacteria to infect the lungs. In serious cases, it only takes a matter of hours for the bacteria to grow.”  
Namjoon nodded at the doctor. It had been several hours since Taehyung went to his room after dinner, before Jin found him vomiting in the bathroom. And with so many tests, it was now early the next morning in the hospital.  
“We gave him a steroid shot for his lungs, and that should help strengthen his immune system. We’ll give him a prescription for antibiotics that he’ll need to take for two weeks to get rid of the infection.”  
“What caused him to become sick?” Namjoon asked, wondering about the main cause that started all this.  
“It was probably something he ate. I can give you a referral to a gastroenterologist where they can do more outpatient tests, but the ER isn’t equipped to run those tests.”  
Namjoon felt slightly defeated without getting an answer as to what was making Taehyung ill, but he accepted the results and thanked the doctor.

The doctor left the room, and Namjoon turned to face Taehyung, not wanting to tell him that they didn’t find the cause that was making him initially sick. With his big, dark eyes staring up at him, Namjoon could tell Taehyung was scared.  
He pulled the chair close next to the bed and reached out to hold Taehyung’s hand.  
“He said it’s an infection in your lungs. You’ll have to take antibiotics for two weeks, but that should clear everything up.”  
Taehyung nodded his head that he understood, but he could tell Namjoon seemed bothered by the results, like he wasn’t telling him all of the details.  
“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Taehyung sheepishly asked with concern in his voice.  
Namjoon rubbed his hand over his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sighed a response, “they don’t know why you got sick.”  
Taehyung just stared innocently at Namjoon waiting for him to elaborate.  
“They’re gonna refer you to another doctor that can test for that, but...” Namjoon trailed off, unsure of how to explain this to the younger.  
“We’re not going to be in New York much longer, and then we’re going to fly to another state. Well have to cancel the show in Texas to do the testing and get-“  
“NO!” Taehyung shouted in a panic as he jolted up rigid in the bed, nearly ripping the IV from his hand. “We can’t cancel the concert!”  
Namjoon stood up and placed his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders to guide him back onto the bed.  
“I know you don’t want to, but we should get the tests done.”  
“No! Please Hyung! I’m fine! I promise! I’m fine!” Taehyung shouted with tears in his eyes as he wrapped his slender fingers around Namjoon’s arms, gripping tight. Even with injuries, they had never cancelled a concert. The fans meant too much to them.  
“Shh, Taehyungie stop,” Namjoon ordered, noticing a small speck of blood coming out from under the piece of tape securing the IV to Taehyung’s hand.  
“Please, Hyung? I swear, I’m okay!” Taehyung’s voice was breaking and tears of regret started welling up in his eyes. He hung his head and sobbed in defeat. He covered his face with his hands causing a steady trickle of blood to seep from the wound.  
“Taehyung-ssi,” Namjoon said, grabbing for the boy’s hand with the IV. He held the thin hand so it was above Taehyung’s heart for the bleeding to slow down while he waited for him to calm and not let his adrenaline pump the blood out.  
“Listen to me, Taehyung,” Namjoon consoled in a quieter tone now, “when you get discharged from here, we’ll see if we can visit the specialist for a consultation and ask if he can make a recommendation for someone in Texas since we’ll be there for about two weeks.”  
“No, Hyung, I’ll be fine-“  
“Taehyung-ssi, stop,” Namjoon interrupted. “I know you’re scared, and I know you’re worried about the concert and ARMY.....”  
He paused for a moment, planning out his next sentence carefully.  
“If I don’t force you to get help, and you get sick again... I’ll never forgive myself.”

Namjoon sat back down into the chair, releasing Taehyung’s hand to fall back into his lap. The bleeding had hindered and clotted into a rusted red patch under the tape.  
Namjoon placed his hand onto Taehyung’s thigh and rubbed over a tensed muscle under the sheet.  
“I can’t erase that image from my mind, Taehyung-ssi,” Namjoon quietly spoke, looking at his hand, almost in a trance as he pictured the moment he found Taehyung and Jin in the bathroom.  
“I heard Jin screaming.... it was a terrible sound. And when I opened the door...” he trailed off as he attempted to stifle tears and regain his composure.  
“I opened the door, and Jin was holding you.” He shook his head with great sadness and allowed a single tear to roll down his cheek as he painfully squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn’t often the members witnessed Namjoon cry, and when he did, it was for serious reasons.  
“I thought you were dead, Taehyung,” Namjoon whispered as he looked him in the eyes. He had never seen Namjoon look this way; a mix of complete anguish and a frightening sorrow.  
Namjoon curled his lips as he released more tears with the confession, “you were so blue, and lifeless... That image will forever haunt me. And I never want to see that again.”  
Taehyung had tears of his own falling and he reached out to curl his fingers around Namjoon’s hand. He remembered what Yoongi said, but he didn’t know what else to say.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hyung!” Taehyung uttered just before bursting into tears at the realization of how much pain he brought on to the other members. He had no recollection of the whole evening up until a moment ago.  
Namjoon quickly stood and leaned across the bed to wrap Taehyung in his arms. Taehyung reciprocated the hug, tugging onto the IV, and buried his head into Namjoon’s broad chest. He could hear the rapid heartbeat of his Hyung, and felt great remorse for what he put him through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was piecing together chapters I wrote and noticed the time stamp on the oldest one was from August 2017 as the last time I edited that. So this story has been slowly worked on for 2 years now.  
> It’s the filler chapters that balance the flow of the story that are my current struggle. They tend to bore me, but in the end, are necessary to have a complete story that makes sense.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	5. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You have a smaller one here,” Namjoon pointed a little lower at a second scaly patch, running his fingertips across the soft skin and sending shivers up Taehyung’s spine from the slight tickle.  
> He twisted Taehyung’s hips and guided him to turn more so he could follow the path of dark circles to his back.

“Taehyung-ssi.”  
The voice broke into Taehyung’s dreams, snapping him out of an uneasy slumber.  
“Come on, get dressed.”  
Taehyung slowly blinked open his eyes and took in the dark shadows in the room. It was still early before the dawn, and he wanted to roll over to finish sleeping.  
He felt his body being shook from side to side, and looked towards the person disturbing his sleep.  
He saw Hoseok hovering over the edge of the bed, waiting to make sure he awoke.  
“Come on, Taehyung-ssi. You gotta get dressed for your appointment,” Hoseok whispered as to not disturb the other member in the room.

The group was now in Texas preparing for the concert, and promotions.  
Upon a recommendation from the gastroenterologist in New York, Taehyung had an appointment with a different gastroenterologist in Texas. With the consultation in New York, the specialist ordered an endoscopy, bloodwork, and an ultrasound the day after the members were expected to arrive in Texas.

The members had a chance to sleep for a few hours before taehyung had to get up and leave for his appointment. He had fasted for the previous day to prepare for the tests scheduled by the New York doctor, leaving his empty stomach free from sickness.

Hoseok handed a hoodie and comfy pants to Taehyung to rush him further along.  
Namjoon walked past the door and poked his head in.  
“Hoseok, are you coming?” Namjoon asked his friend in a whisper.  
“Yeah, I’ll go,” Hoseok said as he took Taehyung’s pajamas from the boy, watching him lazily change his clothes in his dazed stupor.  
“Okay, I’ll be downstairs.” Namjoon felt it was necessary for him to go, not only for interpreting, but due to the fact that he was the leader of the group. He felt obligated to keep everything in order, even in personal matters such as the health of the other members.

Taehyung finished getting ready, and the three members, including a manager, drove to the outpatient hospital.  
While the manager sat in the waiting area with Hoseok, Namjoon went back to the room with Taehyung, and sat in a chair by the wall.  
The nurse took Taehyung’s vitals, and ran over the list of symptoms the hospital received from the New York residence.

“The doctor will be in shortly to see you, just remove everything, except your underwear, and put on this gown,” the nurse said before quickly leaving the room to tend to the next patient.

As Taehyung removed his hoodie to put on the hospital gown, Namjoon reached out and grabbed the younger’s arm to halt his movements.  
“Come here for a second,” Namjoon commanded as his face contorted in mystery while he pulled Taehyung closer. The boy was standing in between Namjoon’s spread legs, while the elder grabbed onto Taehyung’s sides and angled his torso slightly to get a better look.  
Namjoon rubbed two fingers across Taehyung’s stomach where he noticed a dark, round, scaly patch, a little below the ribs, on his right side.  
“What’s this?” Namjoon asked, wondering if Taehyung had noticed before now.  
“I don’t know,” Taehyung answered, unsure of when the mark showed up.  
“You have a smaller one here,” Namjoon pointed a little lower at a second scaly patch, running his fingertips across the soft skin and sending shivers up Taehyung’s spine from the slight tickle.  
He twisted Taehyung’s hips and guided him to turn more so he could follow the path of dark circles to his back.  
“You have two more faded ones on your back too,” Namjoon said, insisting on rubbing each spot subconsciously, like they would rub away as if they were a smudge of dirt.  
Taehyung shifted to see if Namjoon was still checking out his skin for more spots, causing the elder to notice he still hadn’t gotten dressed and the doctor would be in shortly.  
He released the younger boy so he could finish dressing into the hospital gown, but was still concerned on their appearance.  
“Do they itch or anything?” Namjoon asked as he watched the boy finish changing.  
“No, not really. I didn’t even know they were there.”

The doctor entered the room and asked multiple questions to Namjoon about Taehyung, despite being faxed a report from the New York location with a brief rundown of his symptoms, along with the ordered tests.  
“The nurses will start an IV and get you prepped for the ultrasound first,” the doctor instructed, “we’ll draw some blood, and then you’ll get prepped for the endoscope next. Should only take about an hour for everything. Sound okay?”  
Namjoon confirmed with a nod, and watched the doctor exit the room.  
“You’re going to get an IV, then an ultrasound, and then the scope,” Namjoon interpreted for his young dongsaeng.  
“Are you staying with me?” Taehyung asked with large eyes.  
Namjoon saw that Taehyung was scared of the tests in this foreign country, and not understanding what everyone was saying around him didn’t help.  
“I’m not sure,” Namjoon hesitated.  
“I don’t know if they’ll need to talk to you for anything, or if I’ll sit in the waiting area with Hoseok.”  
Taehyung exhaled a sigh, wishing to just go back to the hotel and work on preparations for the concert instead of waiting for tests in the hospital. His regrets and overwhelming guilt of his failing health wreaked havoc on his happiness during this portion of their comeback. He was quickly falling into a depression, not knowing what to do to make things up to his fellow members.  
Namjoon reached out and interlaced his fingers around Taehyung’s hand. He could feel it slightly trembling in his grip.  
“It’ll be okay, taehyungie.”  
Taehyung nodded slightly in agreement, but he felt the tears he was holding back begin to burn his nose.  
Namjoon didn’t say anything. He saw Taehyung fighting back the tears, but accepted the fact that the kid was scared. If he wanted to cry, he wouldn’t have told him to stop.

The nurse entered the room and proceeded to give Taehyung his IV and draw several vials of blood.  
“Will he need anything interpreted during the tests,” Namjoon asked politely to the nurse.  
“For the ultrasound, the technician will ask him to hold his breath at certain moments, and to roll onto his side at a point, but he’ll be asleep during the endoscopy.”  
Namjoon confirmed with a nod and voiced a thank you to the nurse before she left the room.  
Taehyung looked wearily towards Namjoon with hopes that he’d be with him for the tests. He was fine being on his own, normally, since he considered everyone a friend, but when it came to doctors running tests, he became very uneasy and riddled with anxious thoughts.  
“I’ll be there for your ultrasound, but you’ll be asleep for the other test,” Namjoon said as he patted the top of Taehyung’s hand. He could still feel the faint vibrations every time he touched the tan skin, but he knew this was for the best.

Taehyung was wheeled back to the room where the ultrasound technician was stationed. They provided a chair next to the bed for Namjoon to sit in, and the technician took her seat on the opposite side with the computer.  
She placed a folded towel on the bed, pulling down the blanket a little to uncover Taehyung’s abdomen, and then moved to lift the gown to expose his skin.  
Namjoon felt Taehyung grip his hand when his skin was exposed, but he just sat patiently, rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand. He knew he was frightened to go into the endoscopy alone after this, so he attempted to comfort Taehyung as best he could without interfering with the technician performing the test.  
“This should be warm,” the tech said as she squirted a heated gel onto Taehyung’s abdomen.  
She applied the wand that was picking up images of his organs, displaying them on the screen in front of her. She would click keys every so often, then move the wand around to a new part of his stomach.  
“Deep breath and hold when you’re ready,” the tech said.  
Namjoon repeated the interpretation for Taehyung to follow.  
After a few minutes, the tech had him roll onto his left side so she could look at the right portion of his upper abdomen. He clutched onto namjoon’s hand with great concern that this test was nearly over and he’d have to be alone for his second test.   
Namjoon didn’t react much while the hospital staff was around to keep from embarrassing Taehyung, but he really just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay once the tests were over and they received the results.

As the tech wiped the excess gel off of Taehyung’s stomach, she told Namjoon they were done with the imaging, and that he’d be wheeled straight back into the gastroenterology department to get his endoscopy done, and that Namjoon could return to the waiting room for the duration of the procedure. 

“They’re gonna take you back for your final test, now, so I’m going back to sit with Hoseok and PD-nim,” Namjoon told Taehyung as they waited alone in the ultrasound lab for a nurse to come move the bed to another room.  
“It’ll be okay, we’re almost done,” he continued when he watched Taehyung release a deep exhale.  
Namjoon stood up and ruffled his hand through Taehyung’s colored hair before giving it a loving pat.

The same nurse that wheeled Taehyung’s bed before, arrived to move him a second time.  
Namjoon was pointed towards the waiting area, and the nurse began her rapid pace to get the bed back to its next location.

As she locked the bed in place next to a new piece of medical equipment, Taehyung watched a different nurse moving tools around to prep him for his procedure.  
She explained something to him, but Taehyung couldn’t wrap his head around what she was saying.  
She inserted a needle with a discolored liquid into his IV port and explained he would begin feeling relaxed. Taehyung picked up on the words ‘go to sleep’, and he guessed that was the anesthesia from his own interpretation.  
She wrapped a plastic tube over his ears and under his nose to provide fresh oxygen during the procedure.  
While he watched the nurse attach things and lay out tools, the doctor came to Taehyung’s bedside and spoke.  
Taehyung could normally understand English a little better than what he was able to pick up on right now, but he was stupefied with everything that was going on, and the anesthetic running through his system that was making him drowsy.  
The doctor brought a plastic porthole towards Taehyung and motioned for him to open his mouth so he could secure the mouthpiece in place.  
Taehyung could feel his eyes getting heavy as he listened to the doctor’s voice counting down.

—————————

“Is he awake, yet?” A hazy voice blurred through Taehyung’s peaceful dream.  
“Mr, Kim?”  
.....  
“Taehyung-ssi?”  
Taehyung awoke startled with the surrounding setting. He saw the doctor at the foot of his bed, and Namjoon standing to his left. He was in an open room with curtains dividing hospital beds for patients waking from similar procedures.   
“How are you feeling?” The doctor asked Taehyung.  
“Okay,” Taehyung drowsily responded in English. Even though he woke up quickly, he could still feel the urge to close his eyes and sleep off the rest of the anesthesia.  
The doctor gave a despairing sigh before giving his diagnoses, “I looked at your stomach and small intestines, but didn’t see any ulcers. So I took a biopsy of the lining to test for H. Pylori, and check the villi for celiac disease. Ummm, I did see an indent on your stomach, so I went back and checked your CT Scan you had in New York, but I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary there. So I’m not sure what that is, just how your organs look, I guess.” The doctor said with a lack of professionalism.  
The doctor continued speaking without a break, giving no time for Namjoon to interpret the diagnosis to his dongsaeng. He diligently listened on.  
“We did an ultrasound of your biliary tract, and found some masses in your gallbladder, so I’m going to order you to follow up with an ultrasound every six months to see if the masses change size.   
“Uhh, if they grow to measure 10 millimeters, we’ll go ahead and proceed with surgery to remove your gallbladder.”  
Namjoon followed every word the doctor had to say, but was disappointed they didn’t have an exact cause for Taehyung’s sudden illness.  
“Until the results come back for the bloodwork, and the biopsy, I can write a prescription for Zofran for the nausea, and an acid blocker. I’ll also discharge you with a diet plan for ulcer care. It has a list of bland foods that won’t cause any acid build up. The usual....umm, small meals, eat throughout the day...” the doctor read a list of details for the diet Taehyung was meant to follow.  
“Right now, I’m going to write a diagnosis of non peptic ulcer dyspepsia. That means you exhibit symptoms of having an ulcer....without actually having an ulcer. Other than waiting for the other results, that’s about it for today.”  
“Thank you, sir,” Namjoon said as he took the folder filled with copies of diagnoses, prescriptions, diet plan, and images of Taehyung’s endoscopy.  
“I want to see you back in a week when I get the results of the biopsy, and then we’ll decide a plan of action from there, okay?”   
Namjoon wasn’t concerned with the tour schedule since they were set to be in Texas for the next two weeks. They’d be able to schedule his next appointment early before any events, especially since their tour dates and promotions were already scheduled themselves.  
“Yes, thank you,” Namjoon said as he reached out to shake the doctor’s hand for his kind services.  
The doctor shook hands with both members and left the room abruptly to see the next patient and make his rounds.

Taehyung heard the doctor, but couldn’t decipher anything he was saying, and was lulled back to a doze during the conversation, assuming Namjoon would take care of everything like the leader and father figure he had become.

“Taehyung-Ah,” Namjoon called as he shook Taehyung’s arm to wake him up.  
Taehyung woke up a second time to see he was still in the hospital.  
“Come on, get dressed,” Namjoon said as he laid Taehyung’s outfit on the bed. “I got your discharge papers here, so we can leave now.”  
Taehyung slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.  
“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asked as he unfolded the shirt to usher him along. He moved to Taehyung’s back to begin untying the strings of his gown.  
“I’m just tired,” Taehyung spoke in a groggy tone. For once, he actually wasn’t feeling nauseous.   
“We can go back to the hotel and sleep for awhile.” Namjoon disrobed Taehyung and helped him put his arms and head through the shirt before moving to unfold the pants.  
“Here, kick your legs over,” Namjoon instructed, holding the pair of pants out.  
Taehyung slowly twisted in the bed, pulling the sheet out from his cocoon encompassing his legs. He placed his feet at the waist band and Namjoon pulled them up to his thighs.  
“Up,” Namjoon instructed.  
Taehyung stood barefoot on the cold hospital floor and held onto Namjoon’s shoulders while the elder pulled his pants up the rest of the way, tying the drawstring to fit his thin frame.  
“You ready?” Namjoon asked, grabbing the discharge folder and looping his arm around Taehyung’s waist to help him walk out to the awaiting vehicle that Hoseok and the manager had brought around to patient pickup.  
Taehyung nodded and leaned his weight onto Namjoon, not wanting to use his own strength to walk out of the hospital. He was alarmingly tired from the busy comeback schedule, plus adding the anesthesia on top of everything, he was ready to pass out for a good several hours.

They approached the rental car and Namjoon helped guide Taehyung into the backseat with Hoseok.  
“Taehyungie, how are you?” Hoseok asked in a more gleeful tone than what he expressed this morning, pulling onto Taehyung’s shirt and ruffling his hair in a playful way.  
Taehyung just groaned as he crawled to the middle to lean against his Hyung.  
Collectively, Namjoon and Hoseok helped fasten his buckle for the car ride back to the hotel since Taehyung was already attempting to go back to sleep against Hoseok’s shoulder.  
Namjoon settles in the front passenger seat, and the manager began the drive back.

“What’d they say?” Hoseok asked his friend, curious about the results. He had his arm around Taehyung’s shoulder, slightly propping him up so his head didn’t flop around during the turns.  
“They’re waiting on two tests to come back, but so far they’ve just said he has symptoms of an ulcer without actually having an ulcer.  
He’ll have to follow a strict diet for awhile and take acid blockers, until his next appointment.”  
“That doesn’t sound too bad, I guess,” Hoseok announced.  
Namjoon didn’t like the results they received. He didn’t believe something relatively minor could be the answer to why Taehyung developed an illness so suddenly, and lasted for such a duration. He suspected something more was hidden than just symptoms of an ulcer. 

—————————-

The group arrived back at the hotel after getting stuck in traffic for over a half hour, giving the members a chance to nod off for the remainder of the trip.  
The manager awoke everyone when they arrived at the hotel, and they went their separate ways to each of their rooms, as the managers and staff were down the hall a ways from the group.

Taehyung was more awake and walking just fine on his own, now. He awoke sometime on the freeway and listened to the sound of Namjoon’s slight snoring, and the manager’s GPS announcing directions towards the hotel. He overheard his Hyung delivering the diagnosis to the other occupants in the vehicle, but he didn’t think the results sounded so bad.   
As he watched the members fret constantly over him the past week, he began to feel like a nuisance to the group. He was frustrated with his weakness and didn’t want to be the cause of stress, especially during the comeback promotions.   
He was actually feeling fine, and wasn’t experiencing any nausea for the first time in a long while. He didn’t know if it was because his stomach was empty from the fasting for the tests, or if he received something that was supposed to help him with the illness during his stay. He never asked Namjoon directly for his results other than what he overheard in the car. However, the way his Hyung delivered the message made him think there may have been more to it than Namjoon said to the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody notice the titles are BTS songs corresponding to the theme of each chapter?
> 
> A disclaimer for next week.   
> I began writing chapter 6, but took a break and moved on to the next chapters due to the theme. I have still not decided on whether I want to keep it tame, but it was going to be adult themed when I started it.  
> I’ve read several comments on fanfics where the authors were blasted for having members hookup, so I stopped writing it. Then I thought, MB you should just write what you want to read.
> 
> Let me know your opinion. I could always write the chapter so people can easily skip it and pick up chapter 7 without missing any details, as well.
> 
> As always, stay healthy.


	6. Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung deeply inhaled with a slight moan at the intimate sensation he was feeling as Jimin’s hands danced across his skin, sending currents of euphoria throughout his body.  
> “사랑해,” jimin whispered as he pressed his pursed lips against Taehyung’s quivering throat. Taehyung cocked his head back, allowing jimin to decorate the tender flesh of his throat with moistened kisses.

Taehyung arrived back at the hotel room with the other two members, and navigated his way to the room he was sharing with jimin for the next few days of their tour.

He saw jimin laying on the bed playing a video game with his handheld system, still comfortable in his sleepwear. It seemed he rarely slept anymore, yet always had enough energy to go around. But this time, jimin couldn’t go back to sleep once Taehyung left the bed for his appointment. He was curious for the outcome of the tests, and his restless mind wouldn’t quiet down long enough for him to fall back asleep.  
When jimin noticed his friend standing in the doorway, he laid down his game and offered a heartfelt smile and beckoned for Taehyung to come lay down in the bed they were sharing.

“How did it go?” Jimin asked with curiosity lingering in his voice.  
“They didn’t find anything; I’m okay,” Taehyung falsely explained, as he kicked off his socks and crawled under the covers next to his friend.  
“Nothing?” Jimin asked perplexed, wrapping an arm around his bedmate.  
“Just that it feels like I have an ulcer without actually having one,” Taehyung elaborated.  
“Well, what does that mean?” Jimin asked, still confused on the diagnosis.  
“I just have to take medicine so I don’t get sick. But other than that, I’m fine.”  
Jimin squinted in disbelief feeling his friend was omitting some details for some reason he was unsure of.  
Jimin felt hurt that his friend may have been withholding information from him, but he didn’t want to call him out on the matter incase Taehyung was just tired and wanted to go back to sleep for a bit without divulging in conversation. He had planned to ask him later in the day in hopes he’d open up to him like normal after he got some much needed rest.  
Taehyung twisted under the covers so his back was facing jimin, now. This led jimin to scoot forward to press the entire length of his body against Taehyung’s, and snaking his arm across his friend’s side until his hand rested firmly against his soft tummy.  
He pressed his pillowy lips against Taehyung’s tan neck and breathed his scent in with a deep inhale. His slow exhale caused Taehyung to flinch from the tickling sensation and he turned slightly to peer at jimin with his peripherals.  
“You gave me goosebumps,” Taehyung said with a flash of his square smile as he held up his arm, pulling up his sleeve to show his friend his goose flesh.  
Jimin reached out and curled his small hand around Taehyung’s and pressed it back against his friend’s chest. He squeezed him tightly and breathed heavily again against Taehyung’s neck, cutting off his exhale with a chortled laugh as he watched him flinch away again.  
“Jimin-ssi!” Taehyung whined with his boxy grin.  
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” jimin said, pressing his head back against the pillow, pinning some of Taehyung’s hair underneath. He leaned his face against Taehyung’s head and ran a finger against the skin on taehyung’s arm.   
Taehyung opened his hand and jimin tangled his fingers to intertwine them together.   
The arm that Taehyung was laying on, wedged underneath his neck, jimin reached across to press it against Taehyung’s chest, nearly looping his hand into his armpit. He gave a slight squeeze and felt Taehyung flinch again.  
“Stop tickling,” Taehyung laughed as he lazily wriggled his torso from jimin’s grip.  
Jimin laughed and hugged his friend.  
“Taehyungie, are you sure you’re feeling better?”   
“I am,” Taehyung began. “I don’t feel sick today.”  
When jimin didn’t say anything, Taehyung craned his neck to try to look at his friend.  
“Why?”  
Jimin raised up onto his elbow and was now looming over Taehyung, whom had rolled to lay on his back. Jimin gave a pat with his other hand against Taehyung’s chest and then moved to slowly glide it down and rest it over his stomach.  
“I just want to make sure you’re okay. I care about you, and I want you to get better.”  
Jimin held his hand on the spot where he remembered Taehyung clutching in pain during his illness a month ago.  
Taehyung placed his hand on top of jimin’s and, with his other free hand, wiggled his fingers on the underside of his friend’s chin in a playful manner.  
“I promise, I feel fine,” Taehyung clarified.  
“Here,” Taehyung said as he held his arms open.  
Jimin leaned in and curled into Taehyung’s side with his face sunk into the crook of his neck. Taehyung held onto jimin’s small frame and pressed his cheek onto the top of jimin’s head, letting the wisps of baby hairs tickle his sensitive skin.

After awhile of the two settling into each other’s comfort, Taehyung quietly blurted out, “am I a nuisance?”  
“No, taehyungie,” jimin quickly dismissed with great dejection. “Why would you ask that?”  
“I get the feeling I’m just a burden to the group during our promotions since becoming ill. The hyungs have to keep pausing everything to go with me to appointments, or help me catch up on rehearsals. I’m starting to feel bad about everything and I don’t know how to make it up to them for all that they’re doing for me.”  
“Taehyungie, they’re going with you because they’re worried about you, not because they have to. We love you so much, and we just want you back to being healthy. You’re not a burden. We all want to go to your appointments with you, but all seven of us together would just get in the way and we would get noticed by the public. And to keep from worrying ARMY, we don’t want to draw any attention to your hospital visits.”  
“I know....you’re right,” Taehyung sighed in agreement with his friend. He didn’t think anyone would tell him truthfully if he was becoming a burden, but he wanted to voice his opinion to his best friend of how he was feeling lately with his illness.  
“Taehyungie,” jimin called out quietly, but he couldn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t know what to say that would bring his friend out of his depressing worries.  
Jimin reached out and cupped Taehyung’s warm neck. He lovingly caressed the skin under Taehyung’s sharp jawline, and back to the nape.  
Taehyung deeply inhaled with a slight moan at the intimate sensation he was feeling as Jimin’s hands danced across his skin, sending currents of euphoria throughout his body.  
“사랑해,” jimin whispered as he pressed his pursed lips against Taehyung’s quivering throat. Taehyung cocked his head back, allowing jimin to decorate the tender flesh of his throat with moistened kisses.  
Jimin could hear Taehyung’s breathing becoming louder as he continued to kiss the sensitive area, letting his tongue nip the salty skin.  
Taehyung pressed his body closer to jimin and rubbed his hands down the back of his thin shirt. As he reached the hem, he slipped his hands under the fabric and felt the sudden warmth of jimin’s skin on his palms. He forced a hand up the groove of jimin’s back, massaging the tight muscles as his fingers caressed the smooth skin.  
Jimin ran his fingers through Taehyung’s hair and watched him reel his head back in ecstasy.   
Taehyung looked back into jimin’s eyes with a drunken lust that desired to be fed. His hot, breathy pant was stifled when he pressed his lips hard against jimin’s forehead and gave a long, deep kiss, inhaling heavily the fresh scent of his friend’s colorful hair. He wrapped his arms tightly around jimin’s shoulders, practically smothering his face into his chest.  
“Taehyungie,” jimin said, pulling down on Taehyung’s arm to release his tight hold around him.   
Jimin held his hand open in between them, and Taehyung moved to intertwine their fingers and clutched the newly balled fists against his heart.   
Jimin cautiously glided his leg over Taehyung’s hip so it was encapsulating his friend close to himself. He could feel the pressure of Taehyung’s resting leg between his thighs now, and it stimulated some passion in his groin. He subconsciously ground his hips on Taehyung’s knee as he readjusted where he placed his top leg.  
Taehyung watched his friend with his big eyes that were fully awake, and found it cute the way jimin easily fell into his erotic trances just from a slight touch.  
Jimin coyly flashed his smile, showing off his slightly crooked front tooth and immediately became shy. He recoiled away in embarrassment, before Taehyung shot his arm out to halt his progression away from him.  
“No! Don’t leave,” Taehyung quickly demanded, pulling jimin back to where he had been, even moving to press his knee more into jimin’s groin so he could watch his friend roll his eyes back and let his mouth gape in ecstasy.  
“I love it when you do that,” Taehyung confessed.  
Jimin shyly covered his mouth with his hand and leaned in giggling, “Yah, I can’t help it. It just happens.”  
“I don’t mind. I like seeing you in pleasure.”  
Jimin froze his laughter and looked back into Taehyung’s honest eyes. He watched as he blinked slower and saw the double lid over his tired eyes forming. Taehyung nervously poked his tongue out to lick his lips, and moved his hand to grip jimin’s side under his shirt. He allowed his hand to explore the soft skin, eventually moving to his lower back.  
Jimin breathed heavily with pleasure from the massage after feeling the ache of stiff muscles from relaxing in bed.

“Taehyungie,” jimin called again.  
Taehyung stilled his hand and moved it to a more comfortable position on Jimin’s upper back, while he waited for his friend to speak. He could feel the heat emanating from his skin and it felt comforting, like his own personal heater.  
“I’ve missed this,” jimin said as he snuggled his face into Taehyung’s neck.  
“What do you mean? We do this all the time when there aren’t cameras.”  
“No, I mean, I’ve missed you.”  
Taehyung leaned back to look at jimin’s facial expression. He didn’t understand what he meant since everything had seemed the same and he didn’t know what could have changed for his friend, but not for him.  
“But we’ve all been together this past month so much for our comeback, we’ve actually been closer than usual, in my opinion.”  
Jimin gave a brief sigh, unsure of how to word his sentence. “I don’t know what I’m trying to-“  
“What are you trying to say?” Taehyung asked, getting a little annoyed at the accusation that he had changed somehow.  
Jimin was caught off guard with Taehyung’s coarse tone that he wondered if he should back off and forget the conversation just so he could remain in this position that he missed so fondly.  
“Why are you taking offense, Taehyungie?”  
“I’m not taking offense, I just don’t like when people say I’m changing when I’m not.”  
“I didn’t say that, Taehyung. Why are you getting upset with me?” Jimin asked with stress in his quaking voice that he would lose the closeness they just got back.  
“Because I’m frustrated with everything that’s happening!” Taehyung voiced, allowing the veins in his neck to stand out with force as he became more audible. “I feel sick all of the time, and I’m so worried I won’t be able to perform during the concerts because the doctors can’t find anything wrong with me! When all I want to do is lay down because I don’t feel good, I have to push forward with lessons, and promotions, and practice! I’m so tired of worrying that I can’t focus on the comeback and I notice more mistakes! Nobody knows what I’m going through, and how I’m constantly feeling sick! I am angry with my health, and I know that doesn’t make sense, but I want to be mad at something!”  
Taehyung had tears welling in his eyes as he let his rant flow out of his mouth. He was finally releasing his pent up frustrations and just said everything that he was bottling up from the group.  
“I hate this, Jiminie!” His voice broke with the final sentence as he allowed a sob to break his concentration. Even though it hurt, he felt relief finally admitting to the pain he’s been keeping secret.  
“Please don’t be mad, TaeTae,” jimin said while he rubbed his hands over Taehyung’s eyes to wipe away the few tears that had fallen. He felt his heart ache as Taehyung divulged his worries to him and expressed the pain he had been carrying by himself.  
Taehyung could feel more tears coming and knew they weren’t going to stop. He pulled jimin close again and wrapped his arm over him while burying his lips against his hair. At this angle, he knew jimin couldn’t see his tears fall and he thought it wouldn’t cause his friend so much grief if he couldn’t see it happening.  
“Taehyungie, why didn’t you tell me you were so sick?” Jimin said in a muffled voice against taehyung’s sweatshirt sleeve laying near his mouth.  
“What could you do? It would just cause you worry,” Taehyung said with a diminishing tone.  
“Taehyungie, I’ll always be here to help you carry the burden. If something hurts you, I want to know so I can share the pain. I love you more than I could ever tell you. And even if you don’t express it in words, I can see that something is wrong. So please don’t keep anything like this from me. Okay?”  
Taehyung gave a tearful nod while biting his bottom lip as he heard jimin’s remark to shoulder the burden in regards to his illness.   
“사랑해.” Jimin said in dialect, placing his hand against Taehyung’s heart.  
“사랑해.” Taehyung replied back.

—————————-

It had been a week and Namjoon and Taehyung were preparing for the follow up hospital visit in Texas. They had performed two days ago at the sold out concert, and Taehyung had seemed to be doing better.  
His fellow members didn’t notice he was skipping meals. After realizing he felt fine during his fast for the tests at the hospital, he drew the conclusion that food was the reason for his illness. He noticed even a jelly snack from Jin would send waves of nausea rolling through his abdomen, forcing him to run to the bathroom to relieve himself.  
He couldn’t remember his last meal since arriving in Texas, and managed to excuse himself from all meals with the members saying it was due to his strict diet the doctor had him on.

As Taehyung and Namjoon waited in the hospital room for the doctor to arrive, Namjoon looked carefully at the way Taehyung’s clothes were hanging from his gaunt frame. He understood all of the members would lose a lot of weight during their hectic schedules when a comeback happened, so he let it slip his mind at how Taehyung had been thinning out more than he normally did during promotions.  
“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asked, hopeful Taehyung would open up.  
Taehyung ceased his roaming eyes around the hospital room to look at his Hyung when he heard his deep voice break through the silence in the air.  
“I’m fine.”  
Namjoon nodded knowing full well Taehyung would utter those very words with little thought. After all, he had been hiding his symptoms for over a month now from everyone to keep them from being concerned.  
“Do you still have the spots on your stomach?”   
Taehyung shook his head. “No, they’re gone.”  
“Let me check your back,” Namjoon requested, curious if Taehyung had even checked.  
“No it’s okay, I checked,” Taehyung said while holding up his hands in a defensive gesture.  
They were disrupted when the doctor entered the room with a grim expression on his face after seeing Taehyung sitting on the bed.   
“Your tests all came back negative. Which would normally sound like good news, but seeing your weight loss in just a week, still has me concerned we didn’t run the right tests to find the cause of your illness. You went from 141 pounds last week, and had a weight of 129 pounds today.”  
Namjoon translated for Taehyung when the doctor paused, and Taehyung shyly looked up towards the doctor when Namjoon mentioned his weight loss like a scolded child. He was used to kilograms, but understood the formula to know he had dropped a significant amount.  
The doctor turned to Namjoon and asked, “can he speak English at all?”  
Namjoon nodded, “he knows a little bit.”  
“Then could I ask you to step out for a moment so I could talk to him privately?”  
Namjoon was suspicious for the reason he couldn’t be in the room, and whether Taehyung was hiding something he couldn’t admit to in front of him, but he did as the doctor requested without hesitation.  
“Yes, sir,” Namjoon said as he arose from the chair and headed towards the door the doctor was politely holding open for him.

The doctor turned back to Taehyung.  
“Mr. Kim, I asked your friend to step out so I could talk to you privately. I need you to be honest.”  
Taehyung nodded, understanding most of what the doctor was saying.  
“Have you been eating?”  
Taehyung didn’t think it mattered if it was keeping him from becoming ill during their promotions, but he answered truthfully.  
“Not....a lot.”  
“About how much do you eat a day?”  
Taehyung gave a slight shrug since he hadn’t been eating at all lately.  
“When did you stop eating? How long has it been?”  
“....test? Since test.”  
“You haven’t eaten for over a week?”  
Taehyung dismissed the minimal snacks he attempted to eat since he ended up throwing them up anyways from his terrible nausea.  
He shook his head with a no.  
“Why aren’t you eating?”  
“Don’t want to get...hmmm, sick,” Taehyung slowly said in broken English, to the best of his ability.  
“You realize not eating will make you sicker, right?”  
Taehyung stared blankly which made the doctor think he didn’t understand his English. Taehyung figured he was going to feel ill regardless of whether or not he ate. But avoiding food seemed to be working best for him during their busy tour schedule, so he went with the lesser of two evils for the sake of the group.  
“If you continue to starve yourself, you’re going to become very ill later on. And any tests that I run to find out a possible diagnosis for your illness could come back as false negatives since you’re not eating. So everything will be inconclusive until you start eating again.”  
Taehyung was getting confused with the amount the doctor was saying, and shifted awkwardly on the bed. He was uncomfortable and wanted Namjoon back in the room with him.  
“Why aren’t you following the diet plan I gave you?” The doctor asked.  
“I still.... feel... sick.” Taehyung could feel his brain going numb as the doctor spoke to him. He wasn’t able to decipher much of the sentences and became lost in thought when he couldn’t focus anymore.  
“I’ll have no choice but to order another scope to check your insides, only this one will be a colonoscopy to look at your intestinal tract since everything else came back negative.”  
Taehyung slightly understood the threat, but he was confident considering the group had to fly out of Texas in a day and he wouldn’t be around for anymore testing.

—————————-

The two members arrived back at the hotel room, and without turning to look back at Taehyung, Namjoon demanded, “Come here, Taehyung.” His tone seemed harsh in a nonsensical way. Taehyung couldn’t help but feel he was in trouble with the way Namjoon wouldn’t even look in his direction as he traipsed down the hallway with Taehyung in tow.  
Namjoon opened the bathroom door and waited for Taehyung to enter.   
“Sit,” Namjoon said while pointing to the lidded toilet seat as Taehyung passed in front of him through the doorway.  
Namjoon closed the door and twisted the lock to ensure their privacy together. Taehyung could feel his heart begin to race at a rapid pace.  
Without looking at him, Namjoon spoke, “what did you talk to the doctor about that I had to leave for?” He leaned over on the sink, stretching out his stiff back muscles.  
Taehyung was dumbfounded hearing Namjoon speak so coldly to him, like the elder’s pride had been hurt after being sent away.  
“I, umm... I-uh,” Taehyung stuttered on his words, unsure what to say. He felt like he was in trouble and he wasn’t sure why Namjoon seemed so upset. Had he done something wrong?  
“Taehyung-Ah, as the leader of the group, I have to take on many responsibilities. And one of them is making sure the group functions as a whole. This means, one person can’t be hiding something from the others. It displaces the trust and the group will slowly break apart. I understand why you wanted to keep your illness from us, but it’s actually damaging once we find out you’ve been keeping secrets. So when I ask you now, ‘what did you talk to the doctor about’, I need to know for the sake of the group to work at it’s best.”  
“Hyung, I didn’t really understand what he was asking. I understood some of it, but I got confused when he began saying words I’ve never studied.” Taehyung wasn’t completely lying at this point. He understood more than what he let on, but he was fearful Namjoon would begin watching him during meals to make sure he was eating. And then what if he became sick before a concert, or during an interview? He needed this secret to be kept for the benefit of the group.  
“What part did you understand?”  
“He just asked me a few questi-“  
“Taehyung, I need to know!” Namjoon interrupted in a shout. It was rare for him to lose his composure, but he was feeling great stress as the leader with everything piling up on top of each other.  
Taehyung reeled back at the sudden outburst and hung his head down, allowing his bangs to softly fall in front of his eyes. The sharp tone he heard startled him to the point he thought Namjoon was becoming furious with his childish behavior.  
“He wanted to know if there was anything I wanted to say that I thought I couldn’t say in front of you,” Taehyung said quietly, averting his gaze into his lap.  
“And was there?”  
Taehyung thought telling namjoon now would have defeated the purpose of having him leave the room back at the hospital in the first place, but he wasn’t about to mention the irony of the situation at the moment.  
Taehyung shook his head.  
“What other questions did he ask?”  
“What?” Taehyung figured he had given the answer Namjoon was looking for, and he couldn’t think of anything else without admitting to his starvation techniques to feel better.  
“You said the doctor asked you a few questions. What else did he ask?”  
“He asked if the medicine was helping and I said I had felt better.”  
Namjoon gave a relaxing sigh. He felt guilty for speaking to Taehyung with such a harsh voice when it was really just an innocent conversation he had privately about his health that the doctor chose to have. It’s not like Taehyung had asked him to leave.  
“Is that it?” Namjoon asked a little kinder to ease the tension suffocating the air.  
Taehyung nodded, desperately wanting the interrogation to end.  
“Are you mad, Hyung?” Taehyung cautiously asked.  
Namjoon let out another deep exhale. He spun around to lean his hips against the porcelain sink and had his arms crossed in a closed off notion across his chest, but he was more standing for comfort while he tried to think of how to handle the situation and not to intimidate his dongsaeng.  
“No, Taehyung; I’m not mad. I’m just...” he paused trying to think of what emotion he was feeling. “I’m worried.”  
“I’m worried about you, I’m worried about the other members, I’m worried about the comeback, I’m worried about writing the next album,” Namjoon trailed off listing his woes, knowing others felt the same pressures with the majority of what he had been stressed about.  
Namjoon turned and kneeled in front of Taehyung. He grabbed onto Taehyung’s balled fists and held them sweetly in his hands gentle hands. Lovingly, he peered into Taehyung’s dark eyes and flashed a reassuring dimple.  
“With everything I’m worried about, I apologize if it comes off that I’m mad with you. I don’t intend for it to seem that way, and I only care about your health and safety. I didn’t bring you in here to yell at you, I just wanted to hear what you had to say first in case there was something you felt you couldn’t tell me or the others.”  
Taehyung was crushed by Namjoon’s soft hearted confession. He so badly wanted to tell him he was afraid to eat, and that he was also frustrated with being sick all the time, but he was terrified he would be forced to eat with them to ensure his health. Here his Hyung was, confessing to him all of his worries, and he had the audacity to hide information from him. He felt terrible. The guilt was building, but it didn’t compare to the fear of eating food that could push him far enough to open up and ask for help.

After a pause to see if Taehyung had anything to say, Namjoon continued, “What did the doctor say about your weight?”  
Taehyung’s stomach flopped with the line of questioning. “He just said it was a lot in a week.”  
Taehyung hurried to add more information in his defense to not raise suspicion, “but we just had the concert, and I’ve been on the strict diet, so I lost from that. I’ll gain it back since I can eat regularly again.”   
He was lying. He didn’t plan to eat again. At least, not during the promotions and World Tour.  
“Did he mention a follow up appointment?”   
Taehyung shook his head. He knew there wouldn’t have been any time left in Texas for a third visit, but after having the doctor in New York set everything up in a different state for them, it was worth asking.  
“He said everything was fine, so there was no need.”  
Namjoon confirmed with a nod and looked away. He didn’t like that he wasn’t in the hospital room with Taehyung to hear anymore the doctor had to say, but there was nothing he could do about it at this point in time.  
After a moment, he looked back at Taehyung, rubbing his thumbs against the pronounced bones in his hands.  
“The 129 pounds he mentioned was your weight with clothes on, wasn’t it?”  
Taehyung didn’t respond. He froze while staring into Namjoon’s prying eyes.  
“That means your weight is less than that.”  
Namjoon sighed and turned away again. He was unsure what to do in response to Taehyung’s low weight since he admits he was on a very strict diet for the past week.

“Taehyung-Ah, just make sure you are honest if you get sick again, okay? We’ll be here to help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *사랑해 translates to ‘I love you’.  
> 사-sa 랑-rang 해-hae 
> 
> After hearing a few comments, I decided to keep this chapter more innocent. I think it turned out better than the original draft I had written.
> 
> 사랑해요!💜


	7. Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing!” Taehyung shouted with tearful waterfalls decorating his reddened face.  
> “There is something going on, now what is it? Tell me!”  
> “No!”  
> “Taehyung!”  
> “Stop!”  
> “Taehyung!”  
> “Let go!”  
> “Taehyung!”  
> “It’s for you!”  
> “....” the three members all stilled there movements with Taehyung’s admittance to the rapid fire questioning.

The group was now in Japan for the last leg of their World Tour, performing at the sold out Tokyo Dome for several days.   
Things had calmed down in regards to Taehyung’s health, but he never gained back the weight he had lost in Texas. In fact, he seemed even thinner.

————————-

With an argument before the concert, and a reconciliation afterwards, Taehyung was still feeling an anguished heartache from seeing Jin upset. His work ethic and perfectionism led him to call out the eldest and try to help him with improving the concert performance. But Jin felt his pride sullied and retaliated back by shouting at Taehyung.

Come nightfall, Taehyung laid in his bed with his arm covering his eyes. Sleep escaped him with all of the anxieties dancing in his mind. The rest of the house was quiet with the dead of night, except for a soft, low breath heard from Namjoon sleeping down the hall, but it wasn’t enough to distract the tormented mind Taehyung had been afflicted with.

Hot tears snuck past his arm that was pressed over his face and ran down his cheeks. He never meant to upset his hyung, and he felt remorse for what may have been disrespectful to his elder.

Taehyung heard the creak of the floorboard and looked towards his bedroom door in surprise by the sudden interruption to his plagued thoughts racing through his mind.  
He noticed Jin standing in his doorway, after his eyes adjusted to the blackness of the room. 

“Hey, Taehyungie,” Jin whispered.  
“Hyung!” Taehyung exclaimed as he sat up in his bed and wiped the drying tears from his face.

“Can I lay with you?” Jin asked. He knew taehyung had a habit of sleeping in the members’ beds when he wanted some skinship and to feel comforted by others, so he didn’t think the dongsaeng would object to his intrusion.

Holding in his emotions, Taehyung bit his bottom lip and nodded his head in acknowledgement. He wanted to lay with Jin, but he didn’t feel deserving of the other’s love and comfort since he hurt him earlier.

Jin carefully closed the bedroom door behind him and waltzed across the room until he reached Taehyung‘s bed. Before sitting down, he leaned over and placed his hands gently on the younger‘s cheeks and tilted his head upwards until their eyes met.

Jin used his thumb to rub away a falling tear from Taehyung’s face.  
“I don’t want you crying anymore over this,” Jin stated with love in his voice. “Do you understand, Taehyungie?”

Taehyung tried to look away in shame, but Jin pulled his gaze back with his firm grip. Taehyung’s long, slender fingers wrapped around the elder’s wrists. He wanted Jin to release his face since he knew he was going to fixate on this moment for days on end until he felt he had finally learned from his mistake for calling out a member with such disregard.

Jin exhaled knowing full well the younger would dwell on this without a doubt in his mind. It was the way Taehyung had always handled stressful situations, until he finally became overly emotional and lost it in his room, or secretly in the bathroom.

“Go ahead and wash your face and then come back to bed,” Jin whispered. He softly patted Taehyung’s neck to urge him on.

Taehyung pushed the comforter aside and dangled his thin legs over the edge of the bed. Jin stepped aside to let him head to the bathroom and wash himself up.

After a moment, Taehyung reentered his own bedroom to find Jin laying in his bed. Still full of sadness, his heart momentarily felt warmed with love knowing he wasn’t alone.  
Jin lifted the comforter and patted the bed for Taehyung.  
The thin male padded across the chilly room, eager to get back into his bed.   
As he crawled under the cover, Jin placed the blanket over the younger male and wrapped his arm around Taehyung’s torso. He pulled him in to himself, wrapping both arms around Taehyung and burying his face into his brunette hair. A mix of shampoo and sweat filled his nostrils while he rubbed soothing circles against the thick hoody onto his dongsaeng’hs back.

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” Taehyung was the first to speak after returning to the room. He mindlessly pressed his palms onto Jin’s chest, and neatly traced the fabric seam around his buttons while he focused on his apology.

“Taehyung-Ah, you’ve been getting upset with me more and more over the past few weeks.” Jin didn’t beat around the bush when he had something to say to the others, and being the eldest in the dorm, he felt showing his own openness and honesty was the best way to have the other members show the same towards him.  
“It feels like we’re drifting apart, and I’m curious if it’s just me, or if it’s towards the other members as well.”  
Hearing Jin confront him about his attitude, Taehyung felt the embarrassment and guilt twist his heartstrings in sorrow. Whenever he had problems in the past, he would confide in either Jin, his nurturing Hyung, or jimin, his best friend.  
Jin could sense Taehyung was becoming more upset as he felt the muscles in his dongsaeng’s back tighten up. He took the moment to rub his left palm up and down the length of Taehyung’s back to try to relax the boy. He was taken aback when he felt the noticeable ridges of ribs and sharp vertebrae as he ran his hand under the fabric of Taehyung’s hoody. The touch of skin had formed so many questions in Jin’s mind that he wanted to ask the boy:  
‘Are you upset with me?’, ‘Are you frustrated with your health?’, ‘Are you feeling okay?’, ‘How are you mentally?’, ‘Are you eating well?’

With all of these questions flooding his mind, he took a moment to take a deep, ujjayi breath to readjust his mental clarity.  
As he exhaled a slow sigh, he placed a hand softly against Taehyung’s cheek and rubbed the raw skin near his cheekbone, chapped from the staining of tears. He watched Taehyung’s puffy eyelids lift to unveil big, black eyes peering up at him.  
“Are you happy, Taehyungie?”  
“Huh?” Taehyung was confused by the vague question and didn’t know how to answer until Jin elaborated on what he was looking for.  
“I don’t know what to say to you anymore. I never know if you’ll open up and be honest since you seemed to have withdrawn so much away from the group. I never know if you’re hiding things, thinking we’ll feel better not knowing, or you don’t trust us.”  
Taehyung could hear the tension rising in Jin’s voice as he let his sorrows and concerns be vocalized. But he never broke eye contact as he listened to his Hyung explain himself. Jin’s confession was heartfelt, and Taehyung began to see the pain welling up in his hyung’s eyes as he continued.  
“You’re getting very thin, Taehyungie. Your back-“ Jin choked on his next word, not wanting to admit to Taehyung’s weight loss.  
He wrapped his arm around Taehyung, burying the boy’s face against his shoulder, and resting his head on top of the younger’s. He touched his hand against Taehyung’s bony back and gripped at his skin.  
“Don’t, Hyung,” Taehyung said with his voice cracking from the start of burning tears surfacing. He was ashamed of how his body looked, and didn’t want to let his Hyung continue to touch the bones if he knew it was causing him so much pain to feel everything. He attempted to push away, but Jin gripped onto him even more.   
“No. Stop running away from me.” Jin scolded the younger, but with a hint of pleading in his voice.  
“Why are you doing this?” Jin asked while he poked and prodded at Taehyung’s bones.  
“I’m not doing anything,” Taehyung defended, raising his voice an octave higher than normal with the ferocity beginning to manifest. He didn’t want to have this conversation with Jin. He didn’t want the members to ask about his weight loss.   
“Taehyung, you’re getting so thin, I can feel your bones,” Jin argued back, allowing the sadness to linger in his sentence.  
“It’s just from the tour! Everyone loses weight,” Taehyung said pressing against Jin’s chest to break free from the older males tight hold. He didn’t want the roaming fingers to touch him anymore. He was self conscious and embarrassed.  
“No, it’s not, Taehyung,” Jin was beginning to get angry with Taehyung’s defense. He just wanted him to be safe and healthy, and he didn’t know how to help if he continued to hide things from him.  
“You never eat with us anymore, and you’ve been growing more moody with everyone!”   
Taehyung was now sitting up trying to get Jin to release him from his clutches. He nearly toppled out of the bed as he attempted to pull Jin’s hand from his wrist, but he caught his footing and back stepped away from the bed. Jin was still grasping onto him like a vice grip, leading him to hop out of the bed to prevent Taehyung from escaping the room. He tripped slightly as the blanket tangled around his legs and he forcefully clawed nails into Taehyung’s arms by accident to prevent himself from falling to the floor.  
This led Taehyung to scream out his next sentence from the pain and emotions.  
“Stop, Hyung! Everything is fine! I’m just busy-“  
“Stop lying!”  
Both boys were now standing in the middle of the room, continuing the slapping of hands away from limbs, both remaining persistent with their fight. Jin grabbed onto Taehyung’s shoulders and jerked him out of anger as he hollered.  
“Stop lying to me, Taehyung!” Jin was feeling his pride sullied allowing a younger person to slap his hands away carelessly.  
Taehyung’s voice escalated to a raspy cry as he twisted to get away from Jin.  
“I’m not lying! Let me go!”  
Taehyung was fighting with all his might trying to get Jin to release him. He no longer cared if he hurt him with his thrashing since his sole focus was getting away from his elder at that moment.  
“How could you act this way towards me? Don’t you care?! Where is your respect?!” Jin shouted, no longer cautious of the words flowing past his lips.  
Taehyung froze after hearing Jin’s complaint, feeling defeated with the truthful words of the sharp tongue.   
With tears escalating, Taehyung broke down and could only sob as he shamelessly pushed Jin’s hands away. Of course he cared. That’s the whole reason he was doing this. He wanted to protect the members from stress. He wanted to free them from his burden.  
Jin grabbed ahold of the hem of Taehyung’s hoody and pulled it up in one fell swoop as he lurched forward, knocking Taehyung off balance. This allowed Jin to easily pull the fabric up, over Taehyung’s head and down his loose arms.  
Taehyung thoughtlessly reached for the falling article of clothing giving Jin the opportunity to reach his hands around Taehyung’s torso and spin him around so his back was pinned against his chest.  
As Taehyung pounded his fists against Jin’s arm that was pinning him against the elder, Jin used his other hand to grasp Taehyung’s neck and jerk his head still next to his own face.  
“Look at yourself, Taehyung,” Jin yelled as he held his dongsaeng’s neck, forcing him to gaze at his reflection in the mirror.  
Despite the dark shadows dancing in the room, the sight of Taehyung’s naked body took its toll on Jin’s heavy heart. He lost his composure and cried from seeing the emaciated flesh on bones before him. Until this moment, Taehyung had been careful to constantly wear baggy clothing to hide his frame.  
“Oh goodness! You’re so thin,” Jin gasped as he cried in realization of the reality of the situation. He released Taehyung’s neck and moved to hug the younger with all of his love, rocking back and forth like the motherly role he had taken on in the group. The pain Taehyung must have been enduring to get to this point made Jin’s heart hurt with empathy.  
“Hyung, stop!” Taehyung cried out, letting the weight of his body drop down as his knees gave out. He was angry, he was sad, he was embarrassed. He crumpled into a lump on the floor with his head pressed into his hands as he was overcome with emotions. He couldn’t bear hearing Jin cry because of what he was deliberately doing to himself. He had never wanted to hurt the other members.  
Jin crouched down and laid his face against his arms on top of Taehyung’s arched back. He felt regretful for yanking Taehyung’s clothing off the way he did, especially after seeing the boy in his current condition, but he never guessed his dongsaeng was this sick.  
As both males cried tears of shame and regret, Jin uncurled his arms and roamed them around Taehyung’s neck for a warming back hug.  
“Taehyungie, please-,” Jin coerced. He rubbed a falling tear away by grazing his face against Taehyung’s hair. “Please let me love you.”

————————

The two were startled when the bedroom door swung open, revealing a smaller silhouette in the doorway.   
“What’s all the shouting?”  
Yoongi stepped into the room, taken aback by the sight in front of him. His Hyung, red in the face with streams of tears, and the ghastly, skeletal figure of Taehyung, balled up underneath him, sobbing as well.  
Yoongi’s initial thought was that Taehyung had become sick again, but quickly dismissed that idea when it occurred to him that he overheard the shouting from down the hall for awhile.  
“What’s going on here, Hyung?” Yoongi asked politely to the eldest.  
“Yoongi, look at him,” Jin said as he sat up and motioned towards Taehyung, whom was slowly uncurling to get away from Jin.  
Yoongi could count the ribs he saw in Taehyung’s back, even in the darkness of the shadow filled room.  
“He’s sick, Yoongi-Yah,” Jin cried out, mindlessly gripping onto the fabric of Taehyung’s pants, and wiping his tears from his sore eyes.  
“Taehyung-ssi,” Yoongi called as he entered the room towards the two.  
Taehyung uncurled the rest of the way and swatted Yoongi’s hand away as he reached for his arm to help him up, like an injured puppy biting a helping hand from the amount of stress happening at the moment.  
“Please, get out!” A flustered Taehyung cried out with great desperation.  
“No,” Yoongi sternly voiced, irritated from the rudeness of having the younger slap his hand away. “You clearly need someone right now, and you think being a brat will make us leave you alone.”  
“Stop!” Taehyung shouted impolitely, subconsciously gripping and tugging at his hair in frustration.   
“Taehyungie, please?” Jin continued to cry. His heart was in pain watching his Taehyung change in demeanor. This was unlike his usual character. He would never speak without honorifics, he would never fight back, or be rude towards the Hyung line.  
Taehyung twisted and scurried back to sit against the wall further away from his hyungs, drawing his knees in close to himself, still riddled with tears and gasping for air through his hyperventilated breaths.  
“Please, I beg of you! Just leave me alone!” Taehyung covered his face with his hands as he released a heavy sob, frustrated with everything happening. He couldn’t stand himself for the way he acted towards his hyungs. It was unforgivable.  
“I’m not leaving you, Taehyungie,” Jin announced as he crawled closer, gently placing his hand on Taehyung’s shin, but careful not to be kicked away like a shunned creature that had been bitten by a ferocious beast once before.  
Yoongi allowed the bedroom door to quietly close so the other members wouldn’t be stirred from their slumber with the sounds of the echoing voices dancing through the silent hallways.  
“Taehyung-Ah, talk to us,” Yoongi said, moving to sit gingerly on the floor, facing the angry male.  
“I don’t know what to say, I just want you to leave me alone,” Taehyung whined as he slapped his fists against his knees. The veins in his neck were protruding as he forced his voice out as a scream to get his frustrations across.  
Yoongi waved his hand while shaking his head, “that’s not going to happen. We both care for you and aren’t going to leave until this is resolved tonight.”  
Taehyung slammed his elbow against the wall in a fit of anger, leading Jin to quickly gather his arms into his hands to hold them steady so he couldn’t hurt himself.  
“Stop, Taehyungie!” Jin cried out.  
“Let go of me,” Taehyung shouted back, trying to pry Jin’s hands from his arms.  
“Taehyung-ssi, Stop!” Yoongi finally raised his voice to a guttural growl, as he shouted his command. He moved forward and grabbed onto the hand that was prying at Jin’s, and yanked it to his lap.  
“This isn’t you, Taehyung-ssi! You wouldn’t act this way! What is going on with you? What is wrong?” The concern in Yoongi’s eyes gave him a fearful expression that Taehyung had rarely seen before, leading him to hate his actions and for being so careless as to getting caught.  
“Nothing!” Taehyung shouted with tearful waterfalls decorating his reddened face.  
“There is something going on, now what is it? Tell me!”  
“No!”  
“Taehyung!”  
“Stop!”  
“Taehyung!”  
“Let go!”  
“Taehyung!”  
“It’s for you!”  
“....” the three members all stilled there movements with Taehyung’s admittance to the rapid fire questioning.  
“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked in a more calm manner, feeling aghast by the outburst remark.  
“Never mind.”  
“No, what did you mean? You can’t take it back now. What do you mean ‘it’s for me’?”  
Taehyung couldn’t go back now. He had let it out to get yoongi’s persistent shouting to cease. He leaned his head back against the wall and took a sharp inhale trying to figure out how to explain what he meant.

“Taehyung-ssi?” Yoongi softly said as he jostled Taehyung’s arm to snap him out of his trance. He cupped his hands around Taehyung’s balled fist and softly rubbed the tight skin stretching over his bony knuckles.  
Taehyung exhaled his hot breath, ready to finally give up out of sheer exhaustion. He lowered his gaze back to Yoongi and shook his head.  
“I don’t know,” he quietly whispered.  
“Talk to us, Taehyung-ssi. Whatever you want to say to us.”  
Taehyung curled into himself even more and shook his head furiously as he choked on a hyperventilated hiccup of tears.   
“I can’t!” Hearing Yoongi’s compassion, even after acting so disrespectful towards the two elders, made Taehyung crumble in tormented thoughts of hatred towards himself.  
Both Jin and Yoongi continued to hold onto each of Taehyung’s balled fists so he wouldn’t attempt to punch anything anymore in his heated state.  
“Taehyungie,” Jin finally spoke, stifling his tears long enough to get what he wanted to say out in the open. “I love you so much. I don’t care that you pushed me away, or the things you said. I know this isn’t who you really are. I forgive you for everything. But please, tell me what is wrong. We already can see that something is very wrong with you,” he motioned towards Taehyung’s skeletal frame.  
“Taehyungie, please,” Jin begged.  
Taehyung stared at his eldest Hyung, hurt from hearing how much pain he was causing and yet receiving forgiveness when he was undeserving.  
“I don’t know what’s wrong, Hyung!” Taehyung confessed staring intently at his Hyung for help. His big, bloodshot eyes practically begging for someone to save him from himself.  
“Are you eating?” Jin asked.  
Taehyung averted his eyes to stare shamefully at his legs. He shook his head, no longer wanting to hold onto the secrets.  
“Why not, Taehyungie?”   
Taehyung continued looking away from both hyungs as he responded.  
“I felt better when I stopped eating. And I thought, if nothing goes in, nothing will come back up and I can continue promotions. Nobody would have to go with me to doctors and everyone could focus on the comeback and World Tour.”  
“Oh, Taehyungie,” Jin cooed to the younger as he moved in to sit against the wall next to Taehyung, wrapping his arm around the boy’s shoulder to comfort him.  
“I didn’t want people to think of me as weak, and I got mad.”  
“And you began to displace your anger towards Jin-Hyung lately since he kept trying to get closer to you?” Yoongi deduced after hearing their altercation before the concert. “And this was your way of trying to push him away.”  
Taehyung gave a doe-eyed look as Yoongi evaluated the situation.  
“How long has it been since you’ve eaten?” Yoongi asked.  
Taehyung chewed on his bottom lip, not wanting to tell them the truth, especially while feeling naked with his skin exposed to them.  
“Days?” Yoongi asked.  
Taehyung looked scared to admit the truth.  
“A week?”  
Taehyung hung his head in pain as the tears welled up once again. He was ashamed to hear his Hyung saying the length of times with such heartache in his voice, knowing the amount of time was actually much longer.  
“Oh, Taehyungie!” Jin said as he reached his arm around and pulled him close for a warm embrace. His hands laid on the individual ribs and sharp shoulder blades, and he was torn with emotion. He desperately wanted to help his dongsaeng, but he didn’t know what to do in this situation.  
“Taehyung-Ah,” Yoongi said while readjusting and scooting in front of Taehyung with his legs crossed and scratching his temple in ponderance.  
“You know it's been inevitable that we would write you a part in Cypher to perform with us, right? However, the situation that arises with these circumstances at the moment, has given me the opportunity to give you an ultimatum: I can leave the new lyrics the way they are with you being able to perform with us....but you have to eat every meal with me up until recording.   
“However, if you do not take care of your health, I will have an alternate version of Cypher that excludes you from the song."  
Taehyung felt the surge of anger and desperation strike once again from his anxieties at the mere thought of being guilted into eating.   
“But what if I get sick again?” Taehyung asked, fearful of his illness flaring up at a future time. "Hyung, can I think about this?"

"No Taehyung-ssi; because there's only one correct answer. You NEED to eat. I WANT you to perform with me. But at the rate you're going, you won't be able to perform with any of us, for any of our songs, because you'll be in the hospital getting serious help."

Taehyung leaned his head down and wept in frustration. He always loved playing around, singing Cypher with the rap line; but he was so anxious about eating again and fearing he’d get sick once more.  
Jin squeezed Taehyung into a side hug and allowed the younger to rest his head on his broad shoulder.  
“Come on, Taehyungie. You know it’s the right thing to do,” Jin said softly next to Taehyung’s ear.  
“You can’t stop eating,” Yoongi spoke up. “You will die if you don’t eat. I mean, you’re already very thin. It’ll impact your dancing, your energy, your looks... I don’t even understand how you’ve been able to go this long and continue with the busy schedule without eating.  
“And what about ARMY? They’ll notice soon enough. Don’t you think they’ll be upset if they found out you were intentionally starving yourself? What if they start emulating your methods to lose weight?”

Taehyung still had his head buried into Jin’s neck as the eldest held on to his bare shoulder. He was exhausted from everything. His eyes were dry like sandpaper from crying, it was late in the evening, and the lack of nourishment was taking its toll on him.  
He had angled in more towards Jin so his knees were laying in the elder’s lap. He was close to passing out, now, but was trying to pay attention to everything his hyung’s had to say.   
He knew Yoongi was right, but he was plagued with the war in his mind to proceed with starving so he could continue performing without getting ill for the remainder of their comeback schedule.

“What do you say, Taehyungie?” Jin said, patting lightly on the boy’s thigh that he had wrapped his arm around. He could tell Taehyung was very tired at this point; he was feeling his heavy eyelids drooping as well.  
“Come on, Taehyung-ssi. Just agree to it.” Yoongi coaxed.  
Despite his anxious thoughts screaming inside of his head to refuse Yoongi’s offer, Taehyung softly spoke agreeance to the ultimatum, allowing the two elders to feel like progress was being made.

Jin lifted his hand from where it was squeezing Taehyung’s thin thigh the whole time Yoongi was offering the ultimatum, and placed it lovingly on the base of Taehyung’s neck and hugged him even closer. He pressed his dry lips against Taehyung’s sweaty forehead and passed a peck to the soiled skin.  
“Thank you so much, Taehyungie!” Jin whispered to the younger.   
He proceeded to place both of his hands on either side of Taehyung’s face and looked him in the eyes while holding him gently. “I love you so much and there’s nothing I won’t do to help you right now.”  
Taehyung acknowledged the love with a slight nod against Jin’s hands.  
Yoongi tapped his hand against Taehyung’s and offered reassurance, “we’re both here for you, and will be always. Anytime you have something you need to say, you come find me and I’ll listen. Okay?”  
Taehyung allowed the words to catch in his throat with a gasp from trying to stifle the tears long enough to answer, “Okay.”  
“Alright,” Yoongi gave a squeeze to Taehyung’s hand like a hidden hug. “It’s very late now, so we should all get back to bed before tomorrow.”  
“Taehyungie, are you going to be okay?” Jin asked in a sympathetic voice, rubbing his fingertips against Taehyung’s sticky skin.  
Taehyung’s big eyes locked with Jin’s and he spoke cautiously, “are you still sleeping here?”  
“Do you want me to sleep in here?” Jin asked. He knew Taehyung would rather have someone in his bed with him, but he wanted to hear him say it aloud, especially after the escalated fight they had just endured.  
Taehyung shied away, unsure if Jin asked because he no longer wanted to lay with him after their scuffle and heated exchange of words.  
“Taehyungie,” Jin began, placing his hand against the younger’s ear and stroking his hair back, “it’s okay; you can say it. I still feel the exact same way as when I walked in here. Do you still want me to sleep with you?”  
Taehyung nodded.  
“Okay. Let’s go to bed then.” Jin shifted forward from the wall and Taehyung pulled his legs back from Jin’s lap, wrapping his arms around himself, subconsciously still trying to hide his figure from the other members.  
Yoongi handed Taehyung the hoody that had been laying in a heap on the floor near the bed.  
After Taehyung pulled his clothing back over his torso and adjusted the hem, he noticed Yoongi standing in front of him with his hand outstretched. Taehyung reluctantly took the offer and made his way to his feet, feeling a pat on his back from the older male before walking back towards the bed where Jin had wandered over towards.  
“굿밤,” Yoongi said as he opened the bedroom door and began to exit.   
The other two males offered their pleasantries before Yoongi left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

Jin laid down first after picking the blanket up off the floor and waited for Taehyung to crawl into the bed before pulling the cover over their bodies.   
“Taehyungie, I’m going to hug you, okay,” Jin proclaimed before reaching his arm out to pull Taehyung into him. He understood that Taehyung felt ashamed of his current looks, and didn’t want him touching his thin body, so he offered the warning to prepare the younger that he was going to hold onto him.  
“I’m sorry, Hyung,” Taehyung said before Jin had a chance to wrap him up, causing him to hinder his actions.  
“I already said I forgive you for that,” Jin said, thinking Taehyung was referencing the way he spoke to him in a disrespectful manner, and aggressively hitting his hands away.  
Taehyung looked away, wondering if he should leave it at that belief, or continue the apology with the real reason.  
Jin noticed Taehyung’s solemn expression and decided to question the young male.  
“What were you apologizing for, Taehyungie?”  
“You started crying when you saw my body. So...” Taehyung paused for a moment, trying to think of the appropriate wording for his next sentence. “I’m sorry for the way I look.”  
“Taehyungie, no!” Jin lurched forward to hug his dongsaeng, and to show that he wasn’t disgusted by his body one bit.  
“I cried because I could physically see the pain you were in; and also because I carelessly hadn’t noticed your suffering before tonight.”  
Taehyung relaxed after hearing Jin confess why he became upset at the sight of his unclothed body, and that it wasn’t due to the sight alone.

“I don’t want to lose weight.” Taehyung softly admitted with his rough voice.  
“I know, Taehyungie.” Jin brushed Taehyung’s hair back as he raked his fingers through the soft strands. He could tell Taehyung was nearly asleep as he watched his eyelids blink slower each time, and his face sunk against his balled fists more. He wondered if that was the reason Taehyung began to open up to him in conversation now.  
“Taehyungie?”  
“Hmm?” Taehyung softly moaned.  
“What made you stop eating?” Jin hoped Taehyung wasn’t yet asleep and would continue talking.  
“I thought food was making me sick.”  
“What made you suspect that?”  
“I felt better when I stopped eating for the tests.”  
“Is that when you stopped eating?”  
“Mmhmm.”  
“Taehyungie?”  
“...hmm?”  
“What do you weigh now?”  
“....” Taehyung’s eyes had closed and his breathing had deepened.  
Jin refrained from asking anymore interrogating questions so Taehyung wouldn’t have his sleep disturbed. He continued to run his long fingers through Taehyung’s hair, until sleep finally overtook his own body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • 굿밤 is an informal expression of ‘goodnight’. 굿 (goot) 밤 (bam)   
> It’s a version of Konglish (Korean English) as it uses the English sound for ‘good’, and 밤 (bam) is Hangul for night.


	8. Anpanman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yah! I can’t keep kissing Taehyungie. I’m never gonna be able to look at him again.”  
> “We’re voting,” Namjoon announced to end the debate. “All for V and J-Hope to kiss?”  
> Everyone’s hand darted into the air, minus the two in question.  
> “Yah! Really? Nobody even sided with us?” Hoseok exclaimed.  
> “I really don’t want to kiss Suga-Hyung,” jimin joked.

BigHit Entertainment received a special invitation for the group to come tour the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame located near the shore of Lake Erie in Cleveland, Ohio. As their schedule was free at the moment, they accepted the offer and flew to North America for the week.   
They had wrapped up their World Tour, and finished promotions for their comeback, leaving the group time to work on side projects and smaller works to get a jump ahead on next month’s activities that were dutifully scheduled accordingly.  
The company made accommodations to rent a lakeside house in Geneva-on-the-Lake, and proceeded to schedule filming for their Vlive series while staying abroad.

As BTS sat on the bus traveling from their rental property towards Cleveland, the director began to explain the week’s filming schedule for the Run BTS series.  
The theme for the multiple episode Run was going to be Anpanman.  
“Anpanman?” Hoseok repeated.  
“Like Ironman?” Jungkook jubilantly shouted out, showing his youthful passion for the superhero.  
“Or Superman! Whoo-wah!” Hoseok said, imitating using his chest to deflect a bullet.  
“It is, in fact, Superman,” the director confirmed.  
“Whoa!” Hoseok laughed at the surprise of randomly guessing correctly.  
“We get to meet Superman?” Jimin asked with innocent charm in a rhetoric manner.  
The director continued:  
“the creation of Superman was in Cleveland, Ohio. There’s an exhibit on the first floor of the historical Cleveland Public Library featuring the superhero that we can view during our stay.”  
The group cheered in awe; from excitement for comic book characters, to the love of museum collections, they were all glad to get a chance to experience where the most iconic superhero was created.  
“After we view the collection, the library is allowing us to film, after hours, inside of the establishment so we do not disturb the public, and we can have access to all the floors in the entire building.  
“We will relocate to the pop art wing, where we will pay homage to the Rookie King episodes, and play a version of Silent Library.”  
The group offered a mix of cheers and groans after remembering certain punishments doled out to individuals.  
“Hey, maybe Taehyungie and Hobi-Hyung can have a second kiss together,” Jimin jousted, referencing their liplock from the distant past.  
“Aw, Taehyungie, I hope you’re a better kisser than the last time,” Hoseok joked.  
“I always seem to be on the receiving end of kissing punishments,” Taehyung sullenly announced as he recalled his punishment with Jimin during a BTS Gayo episode, as well as, the Rookie King episode with Hoseok.  
The director made his final announcement as the group continued their road travel down the long interstate:   
“when we arrive in Cleveland, we’ll tour the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame first with limited filming. Afterwards, we will move to the library and begin our itinerary there.”  
“What about eating? Are we having dinner between locations?” Jin asked, already feeling his stomach growling from the lack of snacks on the road trip.  
“Yes. We will provide food between locations from a local restaurant.”  
Six out of the seven members cheered at the idea of dinner as they were all feeling peckish after having such an early breakfast at the airport, and missing lunch due to travels. But Taehyung remained mute at the first mention of food. He still had anxieties around food and eating, especially after slowly introducing meals once again to his daily diet.

Taehyung had been following his end of the bargain and ate dinner every night with Yoongi; sometimes the occasional meal with Jin, instead, when Yoongi was busy working and pushed dinner late into the evening. Taehyung noticed certain nights he would go to bed nauseated beyond belief, and awaken with pains in his stomach. But he hesitated mentioning it to anyone.  
Yoongi and Jin would ask some days how he was feeling, but Taehyung insisted everything was alright. He was starting to become desperate to return to skipping meals just so he could feel better again, but the two eldest wouldn’t allow him the chance to avoid their meal together. Taehyung strongly desired to have a part in Cypher, and to know it was close to coming to fruition made him try to keep up with his end of the bargain. However, in his desperation to continue moving forward with work, he began taking drastic measures to relieve the pain he experienced from time to time when it became unmanageable. 

———————

After touring the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the group found a location near the lake where they could have the dinner provided to them by the BigHit staff.   
There wasn’t much filming in the museum, except for a few clips that would be uploaded to their YouTube channel, and photos for multiple social media outlets. 

They received Korean Fried chicken from the local Korean restaurant in Asian Town, as well as bakery items and boba tea from Koko Bakery to squelch their appetites.  
The members casually chatted while eating their meal as they watched boats and jet skis skate across the lake, taking time to enjoy the beautiful weather.

Jin suspiciously watched Taehyung toss pieces of a pork bun at seagulls down below in the water, while sitting a ways back from the rest of the group. He noticed him pick up the bakery item, but he had yet to see him take a bite on his own accord.  
“Here, Taehyungie, try this,” Jin said, holding out his chopsticks with a piece of chicken squeezed between them.  
Taehyung raised up his hand to block the offer from his mouth and kindly refused.   
Jin didn’t want to bring attention to the fact Taehyung hadn’t eaten anything since the cameras were constantly rolling for behind the scenes action. He slowly lost his appetite as his heart sunk from watching his dongsaeng refuse food and try to make it look like he was eating without anyone noticing. But Jin was wise to what was going on amidst the group.

“Do we have time to use the bathroom before filming in the library?” Jin asked the director with important reasoning.  
The director agreed and allowed the members to have their makeup touched up, as well, while the cameras stopped rolling and were being transported to the next shooting location.  
“Taehyungie, come here,” Jin said as he grabbed Taehyung’s arm, and pulled him along behind him, giving him no option of refusal again.  
They crossed the grass and went back inside the museum to use the restroom, noticing Jungkook had followed behind to use it as well. Jin didn’t want to tell him his intentions were to confront Taehyung about throwing food away, but he no longer cared to keep this a secret from the other members. It should have been addressed as a group sooner than later, anyway.

As the three entered the bathroom, Jin spun around and spoke steadily, stopping the two younger in their tracks, “why weren’t you eating anything, Taehyung-ah?”  
Taehyung flicked his gaze over to the youngest who was now standing close to them with his mouth open, still surprised from Jin’s sudden accusation.  
“Hyung, you didn’t eat?” Jungkook could have sworn he saw him eating, but that was all the illusion Taehyung wanted people to see.  
“I didn’t want to feel sick since we have filming later,” Taehyung admitted.  
“Taehyungie, how do you know you’ll feel sick if you eat now? Have you been feeling sick when you eat with us?” Jin asked, referring to himself and Yoongi.  
Taehyung didn’t want to admit to it, but he also didn’t want to start an argument at a time like this in a foreign location between shoots.  
“More often than not,” he muttered.  
Jin stared into Taehyung’s big, dark eyes and could tell he was being honest, finally. He felt discouraged now after thinking they were making progress, only to find out Taehyung was still experiencing symptoms of his previous illness and suffering alone in silence.  
“Has it been bad?” Jin asked after experiencing, firsthand, how bad it could get with Taehyung throwing up and passing out from his illness.  
“Not that bad.”  
“What’s it feel like?” Jungkook asked with a concerning tone, transitioning to acting more like a Hyung towards the older than the maknae.  
“I get really nauseous right after eating, and sometimes get pains in my stomach.”  
“Why didn’t you say anything when Yoongi or I asked if you were doing okay?”  
Taehyung shrugged, unsure of why he refused to acknowledge his illness to his hyungs. “It can’t be fixed.”  
“You can’t skip eating today, you know that right?” Jin sternly remarked.  
“I know. I just have to eat in the evenings so I’m at home when I start to feel sick.”  
Jin sighed with great demise, feeling defeated since Taehyung was right; there was nothing any of the members could do to help or hinder. He understood from Taehyung’s reasoning why he was avoiding eating for the moment, and would rather skip the food until later.  
“You’ll eat tonight after filming?”   
“I’ll eat tonight,” Taehyung swore.  
Jin stared at Taehyung for a moment, realizing there was nothing more to promise. He took a step forward and gave Taehyung a hug. “Come here, Kookie,” Jin commanded as he reached his arm out for jungkook to come in.   
Jungkook accepted and wrapped his arms around the two. He had noticed Taehyung’s drastic weight loss, but he wasn’t informed by any of the others that Taehyung had been starving himself for weeks to avoid feeling sick. As the maknae, he was constantly left in the dark when it came to hardships the others were experiencing. He would notice when one of his hyung’s were struggling, but they never directly came to him for advice. Only on small occasions would Taehyung come to him to explain his worries while he just sat and listened to him. But Taehyung seemed to be more distant during the tour than usual, and not as playful like he used to be.  
After a moment, jungkook softly spoke against Jin’s shoulder with his face pressed lovingly, “I’m not sure why you guys came in here, but I really do have to pee.”  
Jin grunted an unexpected laugh at the kindhearted soul that was Jungkook. He broke free from the embrace to allow him the decency of relieving himself.

——————

As the seven members got the chance to tour the empty library freely, they branched out into several groups to explore the different levels.   
Namjoon and Yoongi went to the third floor where the collection of chess sets were stored. They were fascinated by the giant chess set with the grid board painted on the ground, leading them to take the opportunity to play a match. 

Jimin and Taehyung stayed on the first floor in the main building to listen to the caretaker speak about the Superman exhibit featured for the weekend. The lovely, older woman spoke enigmatically about the character, allowing the inner ear translators to decipher everything she said so that the ‘95 line would be able to interpret and understand the language.

Jungkook and Hoseok made their way down to the tunnel passageway that connected the historical building to the newly developed Louis Stokes Wing. They found a giant chalkboard with unfinished sentences about the future some people had already filled in over time. Jungkook took a piece of chalk and proceeded to draw images of his answers on the board, allowing Hoseok to guess what he was answering through illustrations.

Jin wandered the wings alone, trying to immerse himself in the beauty of the library architecture, even looking out the window at the beautiful Eastman Reading Garden; however, his mind was distracted at every turn. He continued to blankly stare at the exhibits, but his eyes were blind to the abstract objects in front of him, while his mind was busy recalling the conversation he had with Taehyung moments ago in the bathroom.  
Jin traipsed up the final flight of stairs and found Namjoon and Yoongi alone playing chess.  
He walked over with his arms crossed and stood on the sidelines to watch the gameplay.  
Namjoon glanced over at the new spectator of their game, but quickly lost his focus when he noticed Jin’s gloomy expression.  
“Jin-Hyung, what’s wrong?”  
Yoongi paused his strategic thoughts and looked over towards Jin to see the reason Namjoon questioned the eldest.  
Jin shook his head with despair and by a heavy heart, unloaded his burden on the leader, “Taehyung didn’t eat anything at dinner.”  
Namjoon stepped away from the chess game and walked closer to Jin so their conversation wouldn’t be heard through echoing voices.   
Yoongi had informed the leader of the ordeal between himself, Jin and Taehyung nights ago, leading to the ultimatum being set for the younger.  
However, despite being aware of Taehyung’s actions, Namjoon gave him the benefit of the doubt to try to correct his ways before intervening.  
“Did you confront him?”  
Jin nodded, “I told him I saw he took food, but then tossed it to the seagulls without ever taking a bite. But he said he didn’t want to eat and become sick since we still have to film for a few hours.”  
“Has he been feeling sick?” Namjoon questioned.  
“He told me he’s been feeling sick after almost all of his meals.”  
“Why didn’t he say anything when I asked?” Yoongi interrupted, feeling dejected by the younger ignoring his effort.  
Jin sighed a saddening thought and answered, “he didn’t see the point since we can’t fix it for him. I guess he doesn’t want us to worry about it so he wasn’t honest.”  
“He’ll have to eat after filming, either when we go back to the house, or before, but he knows his end of the bargain.” Yoongi sternly said.  
“We’ll make sure he eats,” Namjoon confirmed in an attempt to relieve Jin of his despaired emotions and worries. He softly patted the eldest on the shoulder in an effort to reassure his Hyung that he’d be there to take some of his troubles away.  
Jin nodded but couldn’t get the anxious thoughts to leave his mind. Being the eldest, he took it upon himself to make sure the younger members were watched and cared for, whether it was healthy meals, or mental health, he strived to tend to everyone the same; even if it caused him greater grief.

——————-

The group entered the literature wing where the comic books and mangas were stored alphabetically by author on dusted shelves.  
A table had been moved to the center of the room, and cameras were at the ready for filming.  
As the members took their seats around the table, they reminisced about the last time they played similar games on Rookie King when they were still young in their debut.

The director shuffled the deck of cards, fashioned with skulls and cross bones and purple hearts decorating accordingly, before delivering the rules for the deciding round.

“This round will determine the dealer that is safe from all punishments,” the director explained as he handed the deck to Jimin whom proceeded to scatter the lot face down on the table.  
The members jutted out their lanky arms, grasping cards in hopes they’d flip the lucky heart to escape the game punishments for the event.  
As they looked steadily around with hands at the ready, Hoseok gave the count, “하, 둘, 셋!”  
Cards were slapped onto the table, revealing six skulls and one purple heart that was happily cheered for in front of it’s owner, Yoongi.  
The ambitious Yoongi got up from his seat and moved to the head of the table as the dealer of punishment cards for the next round.

As the game began, members received their punishments at every hand:  
Jimin had to drink a cup of lemon juice and whistle within five seconds: SUCCESS.  
Hoseok had to kneel down on a massage mat while being handed multiple two kilogram bags: FAIL.  
Hoseok, again, had to drink a mystery drink, revealing it was the notorious sand eel beverage the staff loved to prepare: FAIL.  
Jimin, again, had to have members apply makeup to his face, in which he then had to take a selfie and post it to social media: SUCCESS.  
Namjoon received the punishment of having wax strips applied to his legs and then ripped off by each member, minus Yoongi whom just spectated the fiasco: SUCCESS.  
Jin and Jungkook received the dual punishment of having to wear pantyhose on their heads and stretching to reach candles to be blown out in a hurry. The loser, Jin, whom couldn’t stop laughing long enough to gather a breath of air needed to blow out the candles, had to be spanked by the competitive winner, Jungkook: SUCCESS.

Up next was the punishment ‘Smoothie King’.  
Yoongi received the tall glass of blended Burger King fast food meal, and took a whiff of the concoction. He immediately plugged his nose with his fingers and held the glass away from him, coughing out the assault of scent from his lungs.  
The others laughed, but were leery of getting the punishment.  
Yoongi dealt the cards to each awaiting victim, and gave the count, “하, 둘, 셋!”  
A slap of cards as they hit the table, revealing the lone skull laying in front of Taehyung. He covered his face and grimaced at the idea of drinking the blended atrocity moving across the table towards him.  
He couldn’t refuse the drink like he wanted to; the same way he was able to with dinner. With cameras filming, Taehyung knew he had to attempt to drink the beverage.  
He picked up the glass and heard the snickering emanating from Hoseok’s direction.  
He plugged his nose and let the cocktail of disgust run down his gullet. He could feel his gag reflex activate almost immediately, causing him to spit out what was in his mouth, and leaving a splatter of thick orange drink on the table in front of him.  
The members laughed as they watched Taehyung cover his snickering square mouth and wipe his lips clean of the remnants of food spilling down his chin. With Jin sitting across from him, some of the spittle had landed on his arm, leading him to hurl his chair backwards to escape the spray.  
While the members controlled their hooting and hollering, Taehyung was given paper towels to clean his face, and wipe the mess on the table.  
He continued to smile for the cameras as the perfect actor he had become; but inside, his mind was screaming with anxieties. He feared he would instantly become sick with the tiny amount of filth that got down his throat. He could feel the onset wave of nausea filling his stomach, slowly curdling and climbing it’s way up his esophagus, only to rest in the back of his throat where it made his mouth salivate with disgust.

The group was near the end of their game, and wrapping up filming after a few more rounds of gameplay, with the finale being ‘Revisiting the Past’.  
“Oh, this one doesn’t sound good,” Jin smirked, as he took the last card on the table.  
Yoongi gave the count and the six members flipped their cards face up.  
Everyone was dumbfounded as the entire table was scattered with skulls glaring up from the white backgrounds.  
“No one’s safe?” Jimin questioned looking around at the cards.  
“Yah! I knew this was going to be a disaster round!” Jin laughed with his windshield wiper guffaw.  
Yoongi’s gummy smile was the only one shining as he lifted the title paper to reveal the punishment hidden underneath on their game board.  
‘Kissing Kin’  
“Hobi-Hyung and Taehyungie have to kiss again?” Jimin guessed from the vague answer reveal; the image still fresh in his mind since the topic was brought up earlier in the day.  
The director made his announcement:  
“Either Taehyung-ssi and J-Hope-ssi can take one for the team and kiss each other, or all of the members will have to kiss Suga-ssi on the cheek.”

Let the anarchy ensue.

“Wait! I’m not safe?” Yoongi coughed dimly, slowly letting his smirk escape his face at the sudden realization of the rottenness of the staff.  
“V and Hope can kiss,” Jin laughed.  
“Hey, I don’t want to kiss Taehyungie again,” Hoseok interjected.  
“I don’t want to kiss Hobi-Hyung.... he drank sand eel,” Taehyung quietly muttered, feeling defeated this round.  
“You both have to kiss no matter what we choose,” Namjoon pointed out. “You either kiss each other, or you’re kissing Suga-Hyung.”  
“It’s different; one is on the lips and one is on the cheek,” Hoseok defended.  
“Let’s vote,” Namjoon commanded, leading the debate as a democracy.  
“I don’t want to vote, Taehyung and I will be outnumbered.”  
“Can I vote?” Yoongi joked. “I’m voting for you two to kiss.”   
“Yah! I can’t keep kissing Taehyungie. I’m never gonna be able to look at him again.”  
“We’re voting,” Namjoon announced to end the debate. “All for V and J-Hope to kiss?”  
Everyone’s hand darted into the air, minus the two in question.  
“Yah! Really? Nobody even sided with us?” Hoseok exclaimed.  
“I really don’t want to kiss Suga-Hyung,” jimin joked.

The director spoke from behind the cameras:  
“Okay. The decision is to have a repeat kiss between J-Hope-ssi and Taehyung-ssi.”

“Yah! Really?” Hoseok exclaimed again.   
Everyone knew which way the voting would sway, including the two doomed to lock lips.  
“At least there isn’t lipstick this time,” Yoongi said, not helping to ease the two twirling minds.

Taehyung and Hoseok got up from their seats and moved to the front of the table, closer to the cameras.  
“Hold hands!” Jungkook giggled.  
“Say something nice to each other,” Namjoon jeered.  
Hoseok grabbed onto Taehyung’s hands and looked at the younger in his eyes.  
“Taehyungie,” Hoseok began then abruptly averted his eyes towards the group as he began to crack in the anticipation.  
Hoseok had tears in his eyes finding the circumstance too funny not to laugh. His voice was now higher as he attempted to suppress his laughter long enough to speak.  
“Oh! Taehyungie. I’m sorry I drank sandeel.”  
The other members laughed at Hoseok’s humor.  
Taehyung smirked with his square smile and spoke quickly, “and I’m sorry I had the fast food smoothie.”  
The group overreacted with laughter.  
While everyone was losing composure at the ridiculous situation, Hoseok abruptly released Taehyung’s hands and grabbed his shoulders, swinging him around the pivot of his foot and allowing the weight to rest in his arms. Hoseok cleverly placed his hand over Taehyung’s mouth and kissed the skin on the back of his hand, hiding the slyness from the cameras as his back was facing each one.  
He pushed Taehyung back up to his feet, but Taehyung took an immediate knee as he laughed with his mouth wide open at Hoseok’s cunningness.  
“That scared me!” Taehyung laughed through tears as he wiped his eyes.  
None of the members felt like exposing Hoseok’s trickery, feeling this was better for broadcasting.  
“Wah! Taehyungie,” Hoseok began as he patted the younger on the shoulder, “I don’t think I’ll be able to look at a burger and fries again without thinking of you.”  
“I don’t think I can look at you again,” Taehyung quipped, gathering his composure to finish filming the ending.  
“Ready,” Yoongi began, “Bangtan on three. 하, 둘, 셋!”  
“달려라 방탄!”

—————————

It was now late in the evening, and the group was set to hop on the bus and drive back to Geneva towards their accommodations.  
“Are we going to eat anything?” Jin asked, knowing the road trip would be over an hour away and his appetite was now ravenous.  
“We will provide snacks on the bus, but we will be eating a during a campfire back at Geneva since we have more filming to get done before calling it a night,” the director explained. “I will explain your next mission on the bus when we depart Cleveland.”

Taehyung was becoming more annoyed as the hours lingered on. He was desperate to get back to the house so he could get rid of the slop he sucked down unintentionally before it had a chance to cause him any pain. He knew the road trip would be over an hour away, and by that time, it would be too late to get rid of the contents in his stomach.  
Taehyung excused himself from the group to use the bathroom as the other members filed onto the bus. 

After several minutes, Taehyung returned to the bus and took his seat next to Jin, having pulled his hood up and brushing his bangs over his eyes before climbing aboard.  
Jin eyeballed the younger and noticed the skin around his eyes was reddened with traces of bloodshot lines decorating the whites of his large eyes. He became concerned Taehyung may have been crying for some reason while away, but hesitated asking since he wasn’t sure if some cameras were still recording.  
He reached his hand out and placed it on Taehyung’s thigh, waiting for the younger to look over in his direction.  
As Taehyung’s attention diverted to the eldest, Jin mouthed, “you okay?” He didn’t want to speak aloud and bring attention to Taehyung’s blotchy face since cameras were in the midst of turning on.  
Taehyung nodded slightly and angled his body towards the window, away from Jin, leaving the elder’s hand to be brushed away with the rotation of his torso.

With cameras rolling, the director made the announcement of what their next mission would be for the VLive series:  
“With the theme of Anpanman, you will be writing letters and reading them to each other about what makes that individual superior in your eyes. You can write the letters now, during the ride as we will leave the lights on for you. Then you will read them during the campfire tonight.  
“The person you will write to will be the next person older than you, with Jin-ssi writing to the youngest. Same years will have Taehyung-ssi to Jimin-ssi, and J-Hope-ssi to RM-ssi.”

“Yah, I have the leader,” Hoseok exclaimed with jubilance. “He’s perfect in every way; my letter will become a novel.”  
“You want to switch?” Jin joked. “I have the Golden Maknae.”  
The director passed out notepads and pens to the group so they could begin working on their letters.

As the members snacked on gummies, boiled eggs, and soda, they passionately thought about their letters they were to write to each other. Some steadily wrote with ease like it came naturally to idolize each other; others were distracted and moved forward to pen tapping until an idea sparked in their mind.  
The bus was, mainly quiet, minus a few whispers here and there, but most were focusing on their letters.  
Jin tried to write his letter for the maknae, but was distracted by another young blood sitting next to him. He watched Taehyung doodle on the side of his note paper wondering if he was having trouble thinking of the perfect words; which seemed unusual since Taehyung normally wrote very well, especially when it came to his best friend, Jimin.  
As Jin snacked on the gummies he was sharing with jungkook, whom was sitting catty corner to him, he took one from the pack and held it out towards Taehyung. The distracted youth looked at the brightly colored jelly held between Jin’s slender fingers, but shook his head in denial of the offered treat.  
Jin looked at Taehyung and gave a silent pleading expression asking Taehyung to eat something.  
He raised the gummy and offered it a second time, but Taehyung still didn’t accept the present.  
Jin rescinded the offer and sighed aloud.  
Yoongi looked up from his paper and turned around to side eye Jin whom was seated behind him. “Can’t think of what to write?” Yoongi half joked with the eldest.  
Jin faked a smirk and looked around the bus to see what everyone else was doing. He noticed Hoseok staring blankly out the window while biting his pen, and both jimin and jungkook drawing pictures on their note paper instead of writing.  
“Director-nim, are we reading our letters right away when we get back?” Jimin preciously asked.  
“You will have a little bit of time while we set everything up,” the director explained.  
Production setup for a campfire, bringing in food, camera and microphone placement, and sound tests could take up to an hour or more, so the members had plenty of time to work on their letters later.  
“There’s a possibility we’ll have to postpone the campfire since there’s a lake effect rainstorm heading towards the area, but we’ll keep to the schedule for now.”  
Jimin lowered his pen and turned to Yoongi whom was seated next to him, “that’s good, I’m starting to get motion sickness from writing.”  
“I’m going to sleep for the ride if we have time back at the house to write,” Yoongi denounced.  
As other members followed suit, hunkering down in their seats and propping their heads against neck pillows, Jin watched Taehyung continue to tap his pen quietly against his note pad, looking like he was lost in thought and unable to focus on the task at hand. He was concerned for the kid, and his empathy was getting the best of his emotions now. He couldn’t imagine how frustrating life would be if everything he attempted to eat made him sick to his stomach, and to add on a busy touring schedule, promotions, interviews, and meet and greets? He understood why Taehyung went to such drastic measures to cure his desperation. He probably would have done the same thing, especially with the timing, considering they were in the midst of the comeback when he first became ill.

Jin laid his notepad and pen onto the floor next to his seat, deciding to write once he got off the bus. His restless mind was only focused on Taehyung.  
He lifted his arm and angled his body so he could easily reach Taehyung’s back where he proceeded to rub a heavy hand against the fabric of his shirt.  
Taehyung, whom was leaning forward in his seat, tilted his head to look at his Hyung while he mindlessly bit at his thumbnail.  
“Are you done writing?” Taehyung sheepishly asked.  
Jin shook his head, “no, I’m gonna write it back at the house where I can focus. What about you?”  
Taehyung shrugged, “I can’t think of how to write this.”  
Jin wanted to talk to Taehyung more, but several cameras were still filming for the chance to pick up bonus content that could be uploaded later, so he was careful of what he said to not embarrass the younger.  
He leaned over and picked up his pen and paper and scribbled down a sentence. Then he wrapped his arm around Taehyung’s shoulder and pulled him in to lean on him. He angled the notepad so Taehyung could read what he had just written:  
‘Are you feeling okay?’  
Taehyung laid his notepad on his thigh and wrote his response:  
‘I don’t want to film anymore.’  
Jin was minorly shocked when he saw more writing than just a brush off ‘yes’ answer that he assumed would be written. His sympathetic heart ached for the young male.  
The scribbling of the pen etched upon the paper:  
‘Not feeling well?’  
‘I’m getting really tired.’  
Jin wasn’t sure if the statement meant their usual form of becoming tired from being active in their busy schedule, tired from the long day and he doesn’t want to talk anymore, or tired from his lack of nourishment taking its toll on his frail body.  
Jin wrote again:  
‘Did you cry in the bathroom? Your eyes were red.’  
Taehyung looked sullen at the sentence Jin had wrote. He deeply inhaled, unsure of how to respond.   
He hovered his pen over the paper with trembling fingers.  
Jin observed the shakiness of Taehyung’s hand and firmly rubbed up and down the length of Taehyung’s arm to help sooth the younger.  
Taehyung pressed the pen down and let the ink flow:  
‘I threw up.’  
Jin felt nauseous himself after reading the sentence. He was torn between leaping out of his seat to hug Taehyung and tell him everything would be okay, but he was a prisoner to the running cameras at the front of the bus, leaving him only to lean his head onto the younger to console in secrecy.  
‘What made you sick?’  
Jin couldn’t remember Taehyung eating, and even pointed out that he had skipped his meal with the group before switching locations earlier.  
‘Smoothie punishment.’ Taehyung wrote.  
Jin had completely forgotten about the smoothie, despite being the one that got sprayed when the younger spat it across the table.  
Jin pieced the puzzle together, realizing the puffy, red eyes were from the force of retching, his pale skin, and the long, trembling fingers was also from losing fluid.  
Jin didn’t know what to do at the moment. Between filming for their series, and knowing Taehyung had been ill, he felt stuck in the moment between remaining professional for business purposes, and wanting to throw everything away just so he could tell Taehyung they were going to the hospital to get an answer on what’s making him chronically ill.  
Jin finally wrote:  
‘I’m sorry. I wish I could do something for you right now.’  
Taehyung didn’t want to burden the others with what he was doing, or how he was handling the situation regarding his illness, so he quickly scribbled a message:  
‘It’s okay. I’m used to it now. I was just complaining.’  
Jin read the note and knew this was the end of Taehyung opening up to him. He would sacrifice his happiness to make sure the others felt joy, even leading him to keep secrets as long as the others were doing well.  
Jin didn’t write anymore, but continued to trace his hands along the fabric of Taehyung’s hoody for the remainder of the ride. He was burdened at the moment, unsure of what to do. So he quietly kept it to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> •하, 둘, 셋 (ha, dul, set) is the shortened version of one, two, three in Korean. ‘Ha’ is shortened from ‘Hana’.  
> •달려라 방탄! (Dallyeora Bangtan!) is the cheer BTS yell during their Run BTS series. It means ‘Run Bangtan’ in Korean.


	9. Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🎶I could make it better  
> I could hold you tighter  
> 그 먼 길 위에서  
> Oh you're the light🎶 
> 
> Jungkook softly sung the small verse with his lips grazing Taehyung’s neck as he held him to his chest.  
> The tears suddenly filled Taehyung’s weary eyes without warning, cascading down as he tightly winced with heartache listening to the soft, soothing vocals of the maknae.

“We’re going to have to postpone the campfire until tomorrow as it is currently raining at the house,” the director announced to the group after receiving a call from editors back at the hotel near the rental property.  
“You’ll have the evening to yourselves to decide room’s and finish your letters once we arrive.”

Most of the members were glad to have the evening free to rest, finally. They had a busy day and hardly had a chance to visit the house after departing the airport early that morning.  
“How are we going to choose rooms?” Jimin asked to whomever was still awake on the bus.  
“How many rooms are there?” Jin asked.  
“I think I saw three when we dropped off our luggage,” Jungkook responded.  
“Double beds, or singles?” Jin asked the youngest, whom was the only one that scouted out the rooms before departing for their adventure.  
“One has two queen beds, another has two twin beds, and one is a single king.”  
“We should make everyone sleeping right now stay in the single bed room,” Jin evilly laughed.  
“That’d put the rap line all together...it’d be like Canada again,” Jungkook hooted.  
“Should we do walk ins to decide like usual?” Jimin asked, not feeling creative enough to think of anything different.  
“I don’t care who I sleep with; I just want to sleep in a bed, or on the sofa,” Jungkook chimed in with his easy going personality.  
“We should go with the one you have to write your letter to, ending with the oldest,” Jin said and then hesitated to see if the others caught on to his scheme.  
“Hey! That means you’d get the single to yourself!” Jungkook announced after realizing Jin’s plan.  
“Taehyungie, you want to share rooms?” Jimin asked his friend.  
“I’m fine with wherever,” Taehyung mentioned without a care. He was relieved to not have the campfire tonight, but now dinner with Jin was the focus on his mind.  
“Hobi and Namjoon-ah can take the singles in one room,” Jin pointed out.   
He slightly raised his voice, but gave little effort to let it get loud as he angled his head in the direction towards the leader, fast asleep on the bus, “Namjoon-ah.... Hobi.... if you don’t want to sleep in the same room, speak now. No objections? Okay then.” He comically turned back to the maknae line to finish his decision, “they’re okay with taking the small beds together.”  
The three youngest laughed at Jin’s antics, allowing the mood to stay relaxed on the bus.  
“You three want to take the double queens and I’ll take the king with Yoongi?” Jin asked the three members still awake.  
“You don’t want the one bed by yourself?” Jimin asked.  
“No. This way everyone has someone to share with, so it’s fair. One of you three will get a bed to yourself, though.”  
Jimin looked at Jungkook across the aisle and then cocked his head to look at Taehyung.   
“One of hugs in his sleep and the other hogs the center of the bed.”  
“Put them together,” Jin laughed. “They’ll just both lay on top of each other by morning.”  
“I don’t care,” Jungkook stated with no disposition to decide on his own.  
“We’ll be here for a week,” Taehyung pointed out, “we can alternate who gets to sleep alone each night.”  
“There you go, Taehyungie,” Jin commended with a pat on the younger’s thigh.  
“Kookie, you can have the bed and Taehyungie and I will share tonight,” jimin told the younger.  
“That’s fine,” Jungkook honestly did not care if he was alone or with someone. After traveling to so many hotels over the course of their debut to now, Jungkook had shared a bed with all of the members multiple times.  
Jin leaned back in his seat and raised his leg up to stretch it out against the seat Jimin was sitting in. “Won’t those three be surprised when they find out their sleeping arrangements have already been set,” Jin chortled, referring to the unconscious rap line that had no say so in deliberations.

——————

After dinner, Jungkook laid down on the single bed he decided to occupy for the night. He reclined his arms behind his head and gave a deep stretch to release his tight muscles. He came in the room to get a shower, but wanted a brief rest before finishing up for the evening, even though laying his dirty body on top of the clean bed riled his mind.  
While laying carelessly in the bed, he heard the bathroom door close and the shower come on; however, what he heard next emanating from the closed room caused his curiosity to peak.  
Jungkook rolled to his side and leaned forward to listen better to the unfamiliar sounds behind the door. He could hear the faint muffle of one of the members getting sick hidden amongst the sounds of the shower water running. He didn’t think anybody appeared ill earlier during the quick dinner they had together, but he was especially concerned for the member succumbing to illness currently.

Jungkook got up from the bed after deciding to check to see if the mystery person was okay and walked in on the member. He was flabbergasted to discover Taehyung knuckle deep in his throat and hunched over the toilet bowl. 

Jungkook flinched at the look on Taehyung’s face as he turned towards him and screamed at the top of his lungs to get out. With a vomit covered hand and tears spilling from the elder’s eyes, Jungkook quickly turned and shut the door behind him as instructed. He felt lost not knowing how to handle what he just witnessed his Hyung doing.

Jungkook decided to wait in the bedroom, after the sharped tongue scolding delivered from his Hyung; his plan was to confront him.  
He tore off his tight jeans, revealing comfy black boxers, allowing the cool, air conditioned breeze to nip at his sweaty skin. He removed his black T-shirt, as well, and draped it over the computer chair in the corner of the room.  
As he crawled into the bed and pulled the sheet up over his torso, he heard the faucet sink running. He wasn’t sure how Taehyung would react to his attempts to talk to him about his discovery, especially after yelling with such ferocity and desperation in his voice.

Taehyung opened the bathroom door and flicked the bathroom light off. His breathing was labored with deep inhales, and exhales that shook like a heartbeat. His head was dizzy and floating from the recent event, and he felt like he would faint at any moment.  
As he waited for his eyes to adjust to the shadowed room, he was caught off guard by the soft sound of Jungkook’s coo.  
“Hyung?”  
Taehyung looked towards the bed and saw Jungkook occupying the majority of the mattress. The younger member lifted the cover and patted his hand on the empty space next to him, beckoning the older boy to lay with him.  
Taehyung raised his arm and rubbed the back of his head, tugging on his hair. He was torn with wanting to go to bed from sheer exhaustion, but not wanting to deal with anything Jungkook may question him about.  
“Hyung, come lay with me,” Jungkook soothingly commanded.

Taehyung heaved a sigh, presuming to give up the struggle to hide any more secrets from the maknae. He crossed the dark room, dodging random articles of clothing, and made his way towards the bed.  
Jungkook lifted the sheet, allowing Taehyung to roll into the empty space facing away from him. The younger quickly wrapped his heavy arm around Taehyung’s body and breathed in the scent of his freshly washed skin.   
The exhale from Jungkook’s lips tickled Taehyung’s sensitive skin, sending prickling goose flesh all over his body, and chills up and down his spine.  
“You smell good,” Jungkook said, making an effort to break the ice; but the older male made no attempt to respond.

As the two boys laid together awkwardly, knowing that the other knew the uncovered secret, Jungkook squeezed his Hyung tighter as he softly sang a brief chorus into his ear:

🎶I could make it better  
I could hold you tighter  
그 먼 길 위에서  
Oh you're the light🎶 

Jungkook softly sung the small verse with his lips grazing Taehyung’s neck as he held him to his chest.  
The tears suddenly filled Taehyung’s weary eyes without warning, cascading down as he tightly winced with heartache listening to the soft, soothing vocals of the maknae. So many emotions overflowed the metaphorical bottle he kept hidden, and the hurt he felt from hiding everything from Jungkook and the other members ripped apart his strength until there was nothing left. He desperately wanted to stop fighting.

“Hyung, are you crying?” Jungkook innocently asked as he could feel the older male tense his muscles against his hands.  
Taehyung’s long, nimble fingers covered his teary eyes as he attempted to lurch forward off the bed from the warmth of his dongsaeng to flee the oncoming worrying barrage of questions.  
Jungkook tightened his grip on the elder, using his strength to still Taehyung against his bare chest. His warm hand pressed firmly against Taehyung’s breast bone, allowing him the pleasure to feel Taehyung’s thumping heartbeat.  
“No! Don’t go!” Jungkook demanded while wrapping his arms tightly around Taehyung’s lithe body. He pressed an innocent peck against the side of Taehyung’s thin neck and deeply inhaled his clean scent.  
“Just stay. I promise I’ll make things better, at least for tonight. Just don’t leave me.”

Jungkook listened to Taehyung’s muffled breaths as the elder attempted to hold back his emotions. He allowed him the time he needed to feel the emotions he had stored away from society to put on a brave front.

He reached a soothing hand out to caress the reddened skin on Taehyung’s face, softly stroking the chapped skin with his fingertips. He sat in silence, allowing Taehyung the time he needed to expel the tears he had been holding back.

Jungkook was burdened to a numbing worry. He couldn’t fathom what was driving Taehyung to go to such extremes as to purging his dinner. Was he that concerned with weight loss that he took drastic measures to prevent any weight gain? Taehyung was always slim, and ranked as one of the lightest members amongst the team, but he couldn’t recollect him, or anyone, mentioning his size at any point to instill the need to lose weight.   
He had told Jin earlier that he skipped eating because he was worried about getting sick, but he was making himself sick anyway. Jungkook was beyond confused by the contradictory statements and actions he witnessed his Hyung following through with, but he wasn’t able to get an answer when he asked him about it.

Jungkook released an arm and proceeded to massage Taehyung’s tight muscles, beginning near the base of his neck and moving his fingers down his back.  
As he moved his curious fingers along Taehyung’s back, he slowly traced each rib through the thick fabric of his hoody with curiosity looming from the touch.  
"Hyung," Jungkook stated rather than questioned.  
"Hmm?" Taehyung hazily responded. He was comforted by the maknae's warmth and security and couldn't help but relax quickly after releasing the heavy burden of tears he had been bottling up.  
"You need to eat."  
Taehyung stirred slightly with animosity, attempting to lean forward to create distance between himself and the maknae.  
"I did eat. We had dinner together." He continued shifting forward, but was quickly pulled back into the warm embrace, extinguishing the distance he had created.  
"No. I mean, you need to eat and not throw up." Jungkook paused for a moment to see Taehyung’s reaction, then continued. "I saw you making yourself sick."  
Taehyung quietly spoke in his hazy state, "I just didn't feel good. That's all, Kookie. I'm fine." He patted a loose hand on Jungkook's arm laying across his chest to reassure his lie.  
“Hyung, please talk to me?” Jungkook requested a second time as he tapped soft fingertips onto Taehyung’s bony chest. He whispered assuringly at his elder to coax him to release his stress he had been bottling up.  
“Why were you making yourself sick in the bathroom?”  
Taehyung felt a blanket of guilt envelop him with Jungkook’s question. He knew he had been caught, but his desperation had overcome him and he still persisted with his falsities.  
“Please tell me it’s not what I believe it to be,” Jungkook pleaded in a matter-of-fact way of questioning. “Are you bulimic?”  
“-NO!” Taehyung rejected. He didn’t even want to hear that illness mentioned. His face contorted with a furrowed brow of anger at his denial that anything was wrong.  
“....I wasn’t feeling well,” Taehyung announced with discerning anguish.   
Jungkook froze at Taehyung’s denied outburst, and resumed to just hold onto his Hyung for the moment and softly scratch his fingernails near the skin of his collarbone, hoping the situation and feelings of remorse would dissipate upon further rest.

The moment of calm was lost when the maknae broke the silence in the air with his sudden declaration, “I’m going to tell Namjoon-Hyung,” he announced softly but firm with his decision. “I’m not going to ignore this.”  
“Kookie, it’s just my illness. It’s nothing. Honest,” Taehyung protested, not wanting to be forced to eat anymore by watchful eyes.  
“If it’s nothing than it won’t matter if I tell him or not. And if you’re sick again, anyway, you’re supposed to tell them. Why aren’t you?”  
“Because I can handle it myself. I don’t need anybody’s help.”  
“Yes you do!”  
A silence fell amongst the two youngest with Jungkook’s rise in volume.  
“I’m leaving,” Taehyung said as he tried to pry himself from Jungkook’s forceful hold.  
“No! I’m sorry,” Jungkook quickly apologized as he held onto Taehyung with a tight grip. He wasn’t ready to let him go, yet.  
Jungkook pulled Taehyung in and laid his chin on the elder’s neck, allowing his lips to part next to his ear. His breathy whisper filled Taehyung’s eardrums as the hot air flowed from his moistened lips, “stay with me, Hyung. Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I won’t say anymore about this.”  
He felt Taehyung’s heartbeat race against the pressure of his hand as he spoke his words.  
The youngest pressed his pout against Taehyung’s neck, releasing a long kiss on the clammy skin decorated with beads of sweat. He glided his fingers under Taehyung’s chin and coaxed the elder to angle his face upwards so he could lean in and leave a second kiss on his sharp jawline near the sensitive part of his throat.  
Taehyung’s exhale came out as a gasp when he felt Jungkook’s heavy hand caress down the side of his neck, holding him steady as he continued to leave lingering kisses from his jawline, against the side of his neck, and brushing his collarbone.  
Taehyung reached his arm back to wrap it around Jungkook’s neck while the younger continued leaving marks on his delicate skin. He tangled his fingers through Jungkook’s long hair while he allowed the maknae to express his love on the only available exposed skin.  
Jungkook released Taehyung’s chin and glided his hand down over the elder’s hooded chest until he reached the hem of the fabric. As his nimble fingers lifted the material slightly so he could touch flesh, he felt Taehyung’s stomach flex and quiver in anticipation of the roaming fingers.  
Taehyung’s breathing labored and a deep moan escaped past his lips as he bit down on his pout. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Jungkook’s shoulder to expose his vulnerable neck for more attention from the maknae.  
Jungkook eagerly rubbed his hand up the taut skin on Taehyung’s stomach, gliding it up to caress the sensitive area around his aroused nipple, as Taehyung sensually gyrated against Jungkook’s groin.  
Jungkook’s curious fingers danced across Taehyung’s flesh, reaching now for the waistband of the elder’s pants. He created a gap by pressing lightly against Taehyung’s tight stomach to pop the elastic above his fingertips before scratching his nails down under the waistband.  
“Stop!” Taehyung gasped as he darted his hand against his pants and pressed Jungkook’s palm flat to still its movements. His breathing was labored with ecstasy induced stimulation from the younger, causing him to pant heavily as he forced a dry swallow.  
“What’s wrong?” Jungkook moaned as he ground his hips against Taehyung’s backside.   
He kissed longingly against Taehyung’s neck, not wanting to be taken out of the moment.  
When Taehyung didn’t attempt to stop him anymore, Jungkook hastened his hand again, moving to spread his fingers to allow Taehyung’s stiff member to be stroked in a teasing manner.  
At the sensitive touch, Taehyung grasped Jungkook’s wrist and made a furtive attempt to pull his hand out from his waistband, but Jungkook was stronger and hardly struggled to continue feeling Taehyung’s erection.  
“Kook, stop!” Taehyung said in a breathy voice, slowly coming to his senses.  
“Tell me why,” Jungkook said before softly nipping the skin on Taehyung’s neck. He squeezed him tighter against his chest so Taehyung could feel the massive erection he dug between his thighs.   
Jungkook removed his hand from Taehyung’s pants, for the moment, only long enough to collect the elder’s hands and pin them down against his chest with the other, freeing his hand to slide back down the elder’s sweat slick torso and under the elastic waistband without another interruption.   
He bluntly seized Taehyung’s member in his hand, skipping the teasing foreplay, and pumped his masculine grip along the shaft to induce euphoric pleasure.  
Taehyung flinched sharply with passion and kicked his head back against Jungkook’s shoulder, revealing his quaking adam’s Apple in his throat that danced with the sudden want to scream.   
With Taehyung’s eyes tightly closed, and his mouth gaping with breathy gasps, a deep, throaty moan escaped his lips in ecstasy as he cocked his head against Jungkook’s neck to nuzzle his cheek against the maknae’s soft hair, causing Jungkook’s erection to throb harder in anticipation.  
Taehyung moaned again, but insisted, “Stop, now!” His tone was a bit harsher considering the younger was ignoring him by increasing his lustful movements.  
“Relax,” Jungkook breathily whispered as he leaned in to kiss the sensitive skin of Taehyung’s throat. He continued the movement with his hand, noticing the gliding slickness becoming easier with the lubrication of precum dripping over his fingers.  
“Stop!” Taehyung yelped when Jungkook proceeded to rub past his member with his fingertips to the soft, hot skin between his thighs.   
The elder had managed to untangle one of his hands free from the hindering clutches of the younger, and hastily halted Jungkook’s hand that was at the ready to intrude on his entrance.  
Jungkook suddenly became annoyed in his aroused state and forcefully grabbed ahold of Taehyung’s arm.  
“Let go of me!” Taehyung began to yell back after feeling the painful grip on his arm. He used his other hand in a futile attempt to pull Jungkook’s grip from his arm, but this only angered the maknae more.  
Jungkook grabbed Taehyung’s wrist roughly and slammed if on the bed above his head, causing Taehyung to rotate to his back from the force. Jungkook swept his leg over Taehyung’s body to straddle him and pinned him down with his weight. Taehyung could see the tense muscles in Jungkook’s abdomen flex as he pressed firmly against Taehyung’s resistance with both hands clasping sharply against the skin of his wrists.   
While he adjusted his hips to comfortably straddle Taehyung without feeling the sharp hip bones cutting into his thighs, he noticed the fearful look in the elder’s eyes as he stared up at him in shock.  
“Jungkook, stop!” Taehyung cried out in trepidation, never seeing the maknae with such rage behind his expression. He knew jungkook could overpower any of the members with brute force, and in his weakened state from starvation and his most recent purge, he had no energy to defend himself.  
“You’re hurting me,” Taehyung cried out.  
“You hurt me!” Jungkook quickly retorted. 

When he watched the elders struggle in their hardships, he experienced immaculate grief since he wasn’t sure how to aide them in their problems or burdens. And with watching Taehyung slowly destroy his life, Jungkook couldn’t stand the deep emotional pain he felt daily. He desperately wanted to fix the situation for his Hyung, but the simple fact was, he couldn’t; especially when he kept secrets from him.

“Hyung, you’re destroying yourself!” Jungkook shouted with tears beginning to form as he leaned his heavy weight against Taehyung’s wrists, causing the fragile hands to turn blue from lack of circulation.  
“Let go of me, Jungkook-ah!” Taehyung cautiously said.  
Jungkook held onto the elder in a clutching grip with tears now running down his face as he pleaded. "Please, Hyung! I'm begging you, please stop this! I cant watch you do this to yourself anymore! I want you to be around for longer than what you will be if-"  
A hitch in his voice disrupted his sentence as he caught a breath while trying to hold back the flow of emotions.  
“Kookie, let go of me,” Taehyung said with more calmness, trying to diffuse the situation in hopes Jungkook would release him before things became violent. His wrists and hands were being crushed by Jungkook’s brute strength, leading him to realize how much emotional pain the younger was dealing with as he expressed it through the physical force applied against his skin.  
After seeing the pain in Jungkook’s watering eyes, Taehyung’s guilt started to overwhelm him greater than before. He didn’t want to see the pain he was causing his members. He almost felt deserving of Jungkook’s outrage and the physical pain emitting from the younger.

“No. I don’t want you leaving me,” Jungkook said as he bent down and laid his heavy body on top of Taehyung. He released the thin, bruised wrists, and wrapped his arms around his hyung’s back, pressing the side of his face onto Taehyung’s neck and letting his lips softly kiss the salty skin near the elder’s collarbone.  
While being caught off guard by Jungkook’s softness, Taehyung reciprocated the hug by draping his thin arms around his dongsaeng’s neck and softly rubbing the skin down his broad back to ease the tension. He could feel the tears of regret beginning to burn.  
“Hyung,” Jungkook’s hot breath tickled Taehyung’s skin, sending chills throughout his body again. However, he was still on edge after seeing Jungkook switch to anger so quickly and get rough with him.  
Jungkook’s voice was strong, but he couldn’t hide the escape of a sniffle while he spoke, “please tell me what is wrong. I’ll listen to anything you need to say.”  
“I don’t need anything from you. I’m fine.” Taehyung, especially, didn’t want to involve the maknae in his predicament. He was meant to take care of the younger, but he had been so obsessed with avoiding food, that he hadn’t been able to notice Jungkook. 

The maknae reared up onto his heels so his body wasn’t laying against Taehyung’s anymore. He swiftly swiped at Taehyung’s clothing to expose his soft, sunken skin and emaciated form.  
“You’re not fine when you look this way! It hurts me to even look at you anymore! I can’t even touch you without thinking about how delicate you’ve become and that I’ll hurt you!” The words stung, but it was too late; it was out now.  
Taehyung cautiously smoothed the fabric of his hoody down to hide his body from the maknae. Jungkook solemnly watched the motion as his emotions swirled deep inside him in a confusing symphony.  
“Why won’t you talk to me?” Jungkook spoke, sounding defeated.  
“I will talk to you, just not about this.” Taehyung placed his hands on Jungkook’s muscular thighs and softly scratched his fingers against the exposed skin. He was severely on edge and actually fearful that Jungkook would strike him in his heated state if he didn’t diffuse the situation.  
As jungkook reached out and cupped his hands around Taehyung’s to still their movement, he spoke, “I’m not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself anymore. I promise to protect you, no matter what, even if it’s from yourself.”  
Jungkook spoke boldly to someone older than himself, but he meant every word that left his lips.  
Taehyung couldnt help but feel butterflies flutter in his stomach while listening to Jungkook articulate his battle to save the one he cares for so passionately. His maturity had grown exponentially throughout the years since debut.

Jungkook released Taehyung’s hands and allowed them to fall against his legs. He gave one last pleading look towards his Hyung before crawling off the bed and grabbing his T-shirt from the computer chair. As he pulled the shirt over his head and adjusted the hem, he looked back towards Taehyung, noticing he was watching his every move.   
“Just because I’m leaving right now doesn’t mean I’m mad or anything. I just need a moment to clear my head and then I’ll be back.”   
Jungkook didn’t want Taehyung to feel rejected with his exit, so he felt the need to assure him of his reasons for abruptly getting up. He really did love him, and nothing he did would ever change his feelings.   
With that, he turned and left the room, leaving the older boy to lay alone with his guilty conscience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> •Hangul translation:  
> 그 먼 길 위에서  
> (On top of that far road)  
> 그 (that/those)  
> 먼 (distant)  
> 길 (road)  
> 위 (top)  
> ~에서 (preposition- on)
> 
> •While I easily wrote this chapter, I felt discouraged editing it since I kept wondering if people would accept the theme. Then I thought ‘well, only two people leave a message that they’re reading it every week, are there even any others?’  
> So I’m writing this chapter the way I’d want to read it.   
> Thank you to those that consistently let me know you’re still reading. It’s difficult spending hours each week writing and editing just to wonder if it’s worth it in the end, but then I think of you two, and I continue to try to meet the weekly deadlines.  
> Thank you, again.


	10. Am I Wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook rubbed furiously at the back of his head like he was trying to wring the thoughts out. His breathing was even more labored with the impending secret he was about to blurt out that wasn’t his to say. He almost felt like he was betraying Taehyung for going behind his back, but he had warned him of his plans.  
> “What’s going on, Jungkook?” Namjoon spoke in a loving, concerned tone.  
> Jungkook looked up with tears reddening his eyes, catching both Namjoon and Hoseok by surprise.  
> “It’s V-Hyung,” Jungkook began with a tear escaping down his cheek.

Jungkook went to search for Namjoon in his shared room with Hoseok down the hall. He lightly knocked on the door and waited for someone inside to answer. He forced to suppress his emotions in order to speak formally to his leader, but he could feel the fire building inside him.  
After a moment, Hoseok opened the door. Jungkook tried to fake a smile, but he could tell his expression was off when Hoseok’s smile dissipated and he appeared concerned.  
“What’s wrong?” Hoseok immediately asked the maknae, noticing he was only in his boxers and T-shirt from earlier.  
“Hobi-Hyung, is Namjoon-Hyung inside?”   
“Yeah, he’s here. Is everything alright?”  
“Umm, I don’t know,” Jungkook stuttered, unsure if he wanted a private conversation with just the leader, or if he just wanted to confide in anyone that would listen to unload everything troubling his mind.  
“Is that jungkook?”   
Namjoon’s voice could be heard from deep inside the room.  
Hoseok twisted to allow the youngest to pass through the doorway and go find the one he was searching for.   
He rounded the corner and found Namjoon sitting at the desk with his laptop out, working on composing more music.   
Namjoon looked up at Jungkook’s concerned expression and pressed his laptop screen down to enter sleep mode.  
“What’s wrong, Jungkook-ah?” Namjoon asked as he rotated his seat so his undivided attention was focused on the youngest. Hoseok came up behind Jungkook, curious of what he had to say. He brushed his hand through Jungkook’s long hair until he reached the nape of his neck where he proceeded to squeeze the tense muscles in an effort to relax the maknae.  
“Umm, I don’t know how to say this,” Jungkook stammered once more, scratching at his scalp nervously, feeling like he was going to explode if he didn’t blurt out his feelings at once.  
“Do you want to talk in private?” Namjoon asked, thinking he didn’t want Hoseok to hear whatever was bothering him. Jungkook rarely seemed agitated to the point where he couldn’t speak openly with the older members, but Namjoon wanted him to feel comfortable in anyway, especially if it was something personal.  
“I don’t know! Umm, I just-,” he cut himself off as he looked back at Hoseok, catching his breath in a hiccup as he felt the pressure from what he had to say. He could feel his breathing start to turn to hyperventilated breaths as he panicked, wondering if what he was about to do would be seen as abandoning his friendship with Taehyung. But he really wanted to do what he thought was best for his hyung’s health, despite how he would feel emotionally towards him later.  
Namjoon could tell Jungkook was getting flustered with what was on his mind and could see the panic building up in his quick movements and slight pacing.  
“I can leave, Jungkookie. It’s fine,” Hoseok said as he went to grab his phone from the nightstand.  
“No, I just.... I-I ... I don’t know what to do!”   
Namjoon got up from his seat and crossed the room to reach Jungkook. He placed a hand softly on the younger’s shoulder and leaned in slightly so he could look into the youngest’s eyes.   
Jungkook rubbed furiously at the back of his head like he was trying to wring the thoughts out. His breathing was even more labored with the impending secret he was about to blurt out that wasn’t his to say. He almost felt like he was betraying Taehyung for going behind his back, but he had warned him of his plans.  
“What’s going on, Jungkook?” Namjoon spoke in a loving, concerned tone.  
Jungkook looked up with tears reddening his eyes, catching both Namjoon and Hoseok by surprise.  
“It’s V-Hyung,” Jungkook began with a tear escaping down his cheek. “I caught him throwing up in the bathroom after dinner. He was forcing himself to puke.”  
“Is Taehyungie sick again?” Hoseok asked, worried Taehyung wasn’t getting better from his illness.  
Namjoon closed his eyes while he spoke to his friend, “no. Not in the way you’re asking.”  
Hoseok looked bewildered at the leader, confused what Taehyung could be sick from if not from his illness and why he would be forcing himself to be sick.  
“What are you saying?” Hoseok asked.  
Jungkook looked mystified at Namjoon, suddenly getting the notion that the leader had more information already concerning Taehyung.  
“Jin-Hyung came to me awhile ago about Taehyung-ssi; him and Yoongi-Hyung, actually. They informed me of what Taehyung had been doing during our comeback schedule.”  
“I don’t understand,” Hoseok reiterated to his friend. “What’s wrong with Taehyungie?”  
Namjoon motioned a hand towards the twin beds, “here, sit down.”  
Hoseok didn’t like the fact he had to sit down for this discussion. It was either going to be long, or very bad.  
Jungkook took a seat on Hoseok’s bed, and Hobi sat close to him with his arm around his back to comfort the maknae, leaving the leader to sit across from them on his own bed.  
“Taehyung-ssi is sicker than what we expected. He apparently stopped eating awhile back since he thought food was making him sick, and he was afraid of becoming ill again during the World Tour. Jin-Hyung had confronted him one night, and Yoongi-Hyung gave him an ultimatum to allow him to sing in the next part of Cypher in exchange for eating dinner with him every night.   
“Jin-Hyung told me Taehyungie said he was eating, but then started feeling sick again to the point of wanting to throw up.... but... I guess he began forcing himself to do it to relieve the nausea he was experiencing.” Namjoon sighed as he drew the unfathomable prospect as to how Taehyung was still losing weight, despite eating with the hyungs.  
“Oh, poor Taehyungie!” Hoseok exclaimed. “What do you plan on doing?”  
Namjoon gestured his hand in front of his face and shrugged before resting his chin on his balled fists. “I don’t know.” He looked up to his friend, feeling lost and unsure of how to proceed. “I am really stumped at this point. I don’t know how to help him. And he hasn’t been honest with any of us since he is really afraid to eat.”  
“What if he gets more tests to figure out what’s making him ill?” Hoseok mentioned the idea.   
“I thought of that, but his tests have come back negative every time. I’m wondering if it’s in his head and he’s believing he’ll be sick after eating, so it manifests itself in the way he sees it happening.”  
“What about telling Manager-Nim?” Jungkook asked innocently, struggling to hold back his tears in front of his hyungs.  
“I have a meeting with the managers to discuss scheduling tomorrow morning, so I was going to mention it to them then. I just didn’t realize he was this sick, though.”  
“Namjoon-ah, this is serious,” Hoseok quietly mumbled realizing the degree of intensity with the situation. “I mean, he’s literally starving himself because he’s afraid to eat.”  
“I know,” Namjoon solemnly began. “I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I guess I was hoping it would fix itself, but I was naive and didn’t notice everything going on with him.”  
“Have you tried to talk to him?”  
“Anytime I mention something, he dismisses it and says he’s doing fine. I’m sure he’s hiding it because he doesn’t want us to interfere with anything. And keeping us in the dark also makes him feel less guilty. I don’t think he realizes how much we can see he’s suffering.”  
Jungkook hung his head down, allowing Hoseok to rub soft circles against his back. He never felt troubled until he had to see one of his hyungs struggling with their own hardships. And hearing Namjoon mention Taehyung suffering in silence, it brought a heavy heart to Jungkook.  
Namjoon reached out and gently squeezed Jungkook’s knee. “It’ll be okay. We’ve gotten through every bad day so far. He has us to support him through this and none of us are going to turn our back on him in his time of need.”  
Jungkook lifted his head, revealing the tears flowing from his sad eyes, “I’m really scared for him, Hyung.”  
Namjoon stood up, seeing the pain in Jungkook’s eyes, and cupped his hands under the maknae’s arms to pull him up to his feet. He wrapped his arms around him, knowing he needed the closeness of a friend at this emotional moment.  
“It’ll be okay,” Namjoon formally spoke, “I’ll take care of everything. This is another hurdle, but we’ll get over it together. He just really needs our support right now.”

—————-

After speaking to Jungkook about his worries for his Hyung, Namjoon took matters into his own hands in regards to Taehyung’s health.  
He had confronted the second youngest multiple times about his health and eating patterns, and only received constant reassurance from the younger that he was fine. But with his current physical state, ARMYs posting on social media about their worries regarding his appearance, and now the youngest and oldest confiding in him to do something, Namjoon no longer could trust going to Taehyung directly anymore.   
He was pushed against the wall to solve a dilemma he wasn’t sure how to handle. Taehyung would just continue to lie if he confronted him once more, so he had to figure out another way to get him to cave in and come forward about everything and accept the help he necessarily needed.

Namjoon met up with the directing staff mainly to discuss filming for future episodes of Run BTS, amongst several side projects, as well. The staff hadn’t been informed with the evidence found about Taehyung’s sickness over the course since development, but they had to have noticed his weight loss, especially with the costume fittings and rehearsals showing his lack of energy. He was slick, though. He always seemed more lively when the cameras began rolling, and Namjoon knew it was all an act to convince ARMY everything was going well.

Namjoon sat at the conference table in the rented office alone with the director, assistant director, and writer.  
The director pitched a multitude of ideas for future episodes before asking the leader for his opinion on what he’d like to do, or maybe ideas the other members have mentioned, seeing as he was the voice of the group.  
“I’d like something that deals with food, or cooking,” Namjoon pitched. “Our cooking episodes are ranked pretty high, but ARMY also has put the episodes containing meals together at the top, as well.”  
“But I want to make sure we’re filmed eating, if I may add,” Namjoon politely requested.  
“We could do something like a banquet for the next Festa celebration,” the assistant director added.  
“Festa isn’t for awhile,” Namjoon stated. “Is there anyway we can have an episode pushed to the front of the lineup instead of waiting for months?”  
The directors and writer looked quizzically at the leader adamantly pushing for such an odd request.  
“Namjoon-ssi,” the director began with a questioning tone, “is there a reason you’re pitching so hard for this idea and why it can’t wait for a later date?”  
Namjoon huffed a building sigh and gained the courage to blurt out the worries the group had brought to him.   
“I want to see if Taehyung-ssi will eat something if he knows the cameras are filming him.”  
“Is there something going on, Namjoon-ssi?”   
“Taehyung-ssi has lost a lot of weight, and he’s admitted to a few members awhile ago that he went more than a week without eating. He said he was worried he would become ill again if he ate, so he decided to stop eating to prevent that from happening.”  
The director looked at the other staff members, but didn’t have a change of emotion sweep over his facial features like Namjoon thought may happen. The director contained his professional business composure.  
“I had my suspicions Taehyung-ssi was doing something in terms of weight loss. The editors brought his change of appearance to my attention awhile back, but I dismissed it assuming it would resolve itself; I see i was incorrect.”  
Namjoon was able to keep his emotions at bay when talking to the staff members like business professionals, and showed the curtesy to bring everything to their attention if he thought it would benefit the group for the best.  
“What exactly has Taehyung-ssi been accused of by the other members?” The director asked, folding his hands onto the table and leaning forward in an intimidating gesture that was not deliberate.  
“Jungkook-ssi told me he overheard Taehyung-ssi throwing up in their bathroom one night after dinner and then denying it. Jin-Hyung told me he found Taehyung-ssi throwing food away and had him confess the duration he had been avoiding food. And Suga-Hyung mentioned he had promised Taehyung-ssi to have dinner with him every night, and said it was due to worry for his health.” Namjoon finished, wondering if the staff members would scold him for not disclosing this information sooner; and he wouldn’t entirely blame them if they did.  
“How long has this been going on?” The writer asked in a more stressed tone than the director had expressed.  
“He became sick almost a month before our comeback, but I’m not sure when he stopped eating, or began throwing up. Maybe a month after comeback, around the time we were in Texas, I may have noticed he was losing weight. But I remember him saying that his weight loss was due to the strict diet the doctor had put him on.”  
“What does he say when you bring this up; assuming you’ve spoken to him about this?” The director asked in his monotone voice.  
“He denies everything and insists he’s doing well. That’s why I wanted to see his reaction when being filmed. He can’t avoid food when cameras are rolling, otherwise, ARMY will mention it across all social media platforms. They’ve already been commenting on posts about his gaunt look in recent videos.” Namjoon trailed off feeling his demeanor and tone change as he voiced his concerns to the staff members.  
The director nodded his head and finally unlaced his fingers to sit back in his chair in a more laid back way.   
“Alright, Namjoon-ssi,” The Director stated, “we’ll figure something out to get the ball rolling to see his reaction. We’ll determine our next step regarding his health after that if we think his actions are detrimental to himself and the group.”  
“Thank you, sir,” Namjoon said with a bow in his seat. He felt relieved the staff now had wind of Taehyung’s behavior and he didn’t have to shoulder the burden himself anymore. 

————————

As night fell upon the lake house, the crew was hard at work setting up the campsite for the bonfire they had planned for the members. They brought in an assortment of meats, had ramen packets ready, and various veggies laid out for the boys to choose from.

The members made their way out, making exclamations as they took in the beautiful scenery of the banquet before them, and the roaring fire at the center of a row of comfy chairs.   
Taehyung glared at the food with his mouth watering. He couldn’t remember the last time he left food in his stomach to be digested, but he could feel the intense hunger pangs happening now.  
The members made their plates and found spots to sit at a picnic style table near the fire. Most of the members hardly had much on their plates since they were used to community dishes, so they proceeded to bring the platter of cooked meats, and the hot pot of ramen to the center of the table, leaving only veggies, kimchi, and rice to decorate plates for individual consumption.  
Taehyung was so hungry smelling the food, and knowing he was being filmed, he discretely attempted to sample simple foods here and there; a bite of rice, a rolled, empty perilla leaf, a sip of water.   
Jungkook dipped his chopsticks into the pot of ramen, pulling out a steaming helping of the savory dish, and laid it on a plate to blow the steam away in an effort to cool it down.  
He grasped a smaller bit from the pile in his plate and extended his arm towards Taehyung.   
“Here, Hyung,” he held his chopsticks near the elder’s mouth, forcing the ramen into view.  
Taehyung was annoyed at Jungkook’s caring nature right now. With the cameras on them, he couldn’t push the chopsticks from his face. He opened his mouth and allowed Jungkook to feed the small amount to him. He was hopeful that if he ate now, the youngest wouldn’t attempt to feed him again during the dinner. 

He was sorely mistaken.

Jungkook, along with the other members, continued passing bites of food to each other, as they always did during meals, and Taehyung was no exception..  
He was becoming extremely flustered with the amount he had eaten during the dinner, and was ready to flee for the bathroom to expel the contents of his stomach.

However, after the members were finished mingling and eating, they had to move over to sit by the fire to read their written letters for the rest of the filming duration.   
The contents in Taehyung’s stomach churned as he sat next to Jimin, awaiting for the director’s next cue to begin reading the letters aloud.  
“Who wants to start?” Hoseok asked to begin the scene.  
“I’ll go first and then we’ll work our way backwards through age,” Jin selected.

The members all got situated by the fire to listen to the eldest speak his words of wisdom to the youngest.  
Seokjin stood up, holding his small letter in hand, cleared his throat and began to read his heartfelt speech:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, the chapter never ended. That’s because this week, each member will have their letter uploaded every day this week.   
> Seokjin will start everything off tomorrow, so look forward to daily uploads all the way to next weekend.  
> 💜


	11. For Jungkook-Ah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounding a campfire setting, a letter written by the eldest, Seokjin, lovingly (and humorously) read to the Golden Maknae: Jungkook.

Jungkook-ah,  
The Golden maknae.  
You’re superior in everything that you do, except for the things that you quit.... like learning the drums.  
Since you were so young when you came to the company, I’ve really felt like a parent raising you over the years. It’s remarkable to see all of the incredible qualities from each member bestowed upon you; and you, in turn, have become us six.  
You’re humble like Namjoon-ah,  
you’re dedicated like Yoongi-Yah,  
you’re cheerful like Hobi,  
you’re loyal and nurturing like jiminie,  
you’re fashionable like taehyungie,  
and you’re handsome like me.  
Jungkook-ah, there is nothing in this world that you cannot do. Your strength is to be admired, your passion to be commended, and your ambition desired. You’re willing to try anything with your constant curiosity.  
To watch you mature so much sometimes makes me forget that you’re still young. And someday, while I’m playing guitar.....  
I’d like for you to practice the drums again.  
사랑해!


	12. For Jin-Hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transitioning to the next member, in a more somber, relaxed mood, Yoongi begins to read his letter to the eldest: Seokjin.

Jin-Hyung,  
Sometimes it’s hard to express in words all the great qualities you have, so I apologize that I cannot do this justice.  
I’ve watched you take care of the team when we first debuted, cooking for us every night, making sure we were in our good graces, and even teaching me how to prepare meals, as well.  
You inspire me to look out for the younger members, instead of focusing on myself.  
Your attitude uplifts me whenever I’m struggling with something, and even though I never say anything, you always seem to know when to say the right words to encourage me to do better.  
I’m proud to look up to you as my Hyung.  
화이팅!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 생일축하 정국!


	13. For Yoongi-Hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon rose from his seated position with letter in hand. He cleared his throat to ready himself for the delivery of his speech to Yoongi, as well as, encouraging words to humble the rest of the members.

Yoongi-Hyung  
We’ve lived together the longest and we know everything about each other. Sometimes I see you more as a friend, than as my Hyung, but not for reasons that may seem immature; it’s because of your down to earth nature and the way you speak towards me.  
You’ve inspired me to write my lyrics better. I am impressed that you can write a song every night when it would take me a month to write one.  
You’re dedicated, passionate, and a lyrical genius.  
I hope to one day be able to replicate the speed at which I write songs, similar to you. However, when I get better, you’ll still be far more admirable since you won’t stop working.

I’d like to live in this moment for all that it’s worth.  
One day, the time will come that we will witness our final moments:  
We will witness our final concert,  
We will witness our final song,  
We will witness our final MV,  
We will witness our final album,  
We will witness our final dance practice,  
We will witness our final VLive,  
We will witness our final laughable moment,  
We will witness our final emotional moment,  
We will witness our final bow,  
We will witness our final group hug,  
And we’ll witness our final ‘I love you’, and ‘goodbye’.  
Because nothing is meant to last forever, someday, we will witness our disbandment. But I’d like for the memory of BTS to live on in the hearts of ARMY forever. As I’m a fan of my fellow members individual work and unique traits, I can safely call myself ARMY, as well. So you will all stay in my heart until the very end.  
사랑합니다   
화이팅

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a sad thought that some day BTS will separate, so we should appreciate all of their hard work while they’re producing music for us.
> 
> In correlation with Namjoon’s speech, make sure you do something worthwhile everyday. Don’t waste a moment, because you can’t get it back.  
> Travel, try new foods, learn a language, try different hobbies, take classes, volunteer, etc.  
> Take care everyone; don’t be afraid to attempt something daring today.


	14. For Namjoonie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yah! I have to follow after the leader says such beautiful words?” Hoseok complained as he gathered his letter and took to his feet.

Namjoonie,  
Our incredible leader. It would take an eternity for me to list everything that makes you amazing. Despite us being friends, you seem wise beyond the years. I will forever look up to you.  
Your humbleness is to be envied. Whenever I feel stressed, and I bring you my hardships, you help me to see that it’s not so bad.   
I see the amount you must endure, and sometimes I wish I could take some of the burden off your shoulders, but you stand tall and keep a level head through it all.  
I am proud to be able to call you my friend, and leader.  
사랑해!


	15. For Hobi-Hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a shy smile that made his eyes disappear, jimin stood sheepishly to deliver his letter to his Hyung.

Hobi-Hyung  
H is for the happiness you bring to the world.  
O is for the outstanding choreographies you create.  
S is for the superior rapping skills you possess.  
E is for the enjoyment you bring to my life.  
O is for the originality you write in your lyrics.  
K is for the kindness that warms my heart.  
H is for the hope you give to me.  
Y is for the youthfulness you display with your playful side.  
U is for the understanding when I mess up a dance step.  
N is for the natural way your body moves that looks amazing.  
G is for all of the grandeur that is Jung Hoseok-Hyung.  
사랑해요


	16. For Jiminie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a dizzying haze, Taehyung slowly brought himself to an upright position. Despite his worries clouding his mind, his heart sung soft lyrics to his friend.

Jiminie,  
Your smile lights up the darkest of rooms. Your love fills the widest of jars.  
Your friendship exceeds any relationship ever felt.  
Your voice soothes the most anxious of minds.  
Your dancing energizes the weakest of knees.  
Your beauty compares to those most envied.  
Your happiness means everything to me.  
As my best friend, you’re the first person I think of when I wake up, and the last person when I go to bed. We’ve shared the best days of our lives together, and you’ve been by my side for some of the worst. I wish I could reciprocate everything that you do for me, but I cannot. You’re able to make people forget their troubles just by smiling at them.   
You’re always asking ‘did I do well? Did I do okay?’ and the truth is, you will always do better than what you think. You don’t need reassurance that you’re the best; just know that you are.  
사랑해 친구!


	17. For V-Hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still feeling the heartache from the previous night, Jungkook arose to his stance for the special delivery of his heartfelt poem.

“You’re Beautiful” by Jeon Jungkook

Hyung,  
You’re beautiful in every way that the world sees you.

Your beautiful square smile, that no one else can replicate.  
Your beautiful crows feet, upon your eyes they decorate.  
Your beautiful deep voice, that no one else can register.  
Your beautiful written lyrics, angelic wise messenger.  
Your beautiful thick eyebrows, that no one can forget.  
Your beautiful long fingers, hold my hand without regret.  
Your beautiful kindness, that no one takes for granted.  
Your beautiful love, euphoric feelings steadily implanted.  
You’re beautiful in everything you do,  
You’re beautiful in every way that I see you.

사랑해요 형!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main chapter will be posted tonight, as well, so look forward to it.


	18. Blood, Sweat & Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m so sick of this, Taehyung!”
> 
> .......  
> .......  
> .......
> 
> Then suddenly, it happened.
> 
> He hit him.

Jungkook finished reading his lovely, poetic letter to Taehyung, which concluded the final member to speak his mind.  
“Wah! Jungkookie, that was beautiful!” Hoseok exclaimed with great admiration.  
Jungkook looked over at Taehyung and noticed his head hung low with his bangs covering his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he felt remorse or resentment from the previous night, but his eye aversion made him question if Taehyung would be devastated to find out he went behind his back to talk with Namjoon.

Filming wrapped up and the staff instructed the members to get some rest for tomorrow while they were to return to their hotel accommodations. Hoseok offered to clean everything as punishment for losing so many times at the Rookie King game they had played the day before at the library, allowing the staff to leave earlier for the evening.

The other members grabbed some dishes to help Hoseok clean up, but Namjoon noticed Taehyung bolting past the sliding glass door to enter the house, completely unaware that he had been spotted by the leader’s watchful eye.  
Namjoon slowly crept through the house after placing a tower of dishes in the sink, only to find the bathroom door connected to the maknae’s line room already closed.   
He pressed his ear against the door to hear a faint gagging sound, nearly hidden behind the running tap water from the faucet; a ploy to disguise what was happening, Namjoon guessed.  
He wasn’t sure if he was hoping Taehyung was sick from his illness, which would mean he was still very ill, or if he was forcing himself sick, which he could stop.  
Without knocking, Namjoon twisted the handle and opened the door to see Taehyung with his fingers down his throat.  
The leader reacted without thinking and raced into the bathroom to pull Taehyung’s hand away from his mouth.  
“Stop, Taehyung!” He was against Taehyung’s back, wrapping his arms around him, trying to get his hand away from his face.  
Taehyung furiously fought back. He had to get the food out before it made him sick.   
“Taehyung! Taehyung, Stop!” Namjoon shouted, wrestling with Taehyung’s flailing limbs.  
“Get off me!” Taehyung yelled back, scratching at Namjoon’s flesh to pry his arms off of him. He had to get the food out. He couldn’t wait any longer. It was bound to make him sick if he didn’t take this chance. It had already been too long since their dinner. Why couldn’t Namjoon understand this?  
“Taehyung! I said stop, dammit!” Namjoon forced Taehyung to the ground to keep him from destroying himself further. For being so emaciated, he was putting up quite a fight.  
He wrapped an arm around Taehyung’s neck in a loose chokehold, but without applying much pressure to his windpipe, to avoid causing any damage. He wanted him to stop fighting and accept the help he was being offered, but he was struggling relentlessly with the leader.  
Namjoon, with his back against the wall and Taehyung positioned between his thighs, solidly forced the younger to find the only available defense was to dig brittle nails deep into Namjoon’s fleshy arm, desperate to be released by any means necessary.

Namjoon’s guttural shriek, after bearing the pain long enough hoping Taehyung would give up the struggle, infuriated him to the point that he couldn’t think clearly. His clouded judgement just kept screaming to stop the younger as soon as possible to get the pain to stop persisting.  
Namjoon couldn’t take the struggle anymore and released the chokehold to try to grab Taehyung’s hands. But the younger was adamant about not being caught a second time and quickly scurried forward, pressing off Namjoon’s leg to propel himself further away from the leader’s reach.  
Taehyung made a move for the door handle, knowing he could get ahead of the elder and make it to the other bathroom with the distance he created, but Namjoon was quick with his reflexes and wit, as well.   
Instead of going for Taehyung, whom was out of reach, Namjoon swung his leg sharply, kicking the door closed before the younger could get out, knocking the handle from his grip.  
While Namjoon hoisted himself to his feet, Taehyung attempted to grab the handle a second time with the same goal in mind. But Namjoon was too close for him to dart through the gap before he grabbed ahold of him and slammed him against the sink with all his might.

“I’m so sick of this, Taehyung!”

.......  
.......  
.......

Then suddenly, it happened.

He hit him.

Namjoon raised his arm and struck the younger with a backhanded swing across his face, making contact with his pronounced cheekbone.   
Taehyung crumpled to the floor like a sack of stone, holding the fresh bruise decorating his skin. Namjoon saw crimson seeping between Taehyung’s fingers as the younger stared up in complete shock. His ring must have caught the soft, delicate flesh, or perhaps the violent force of his anger did the deed, but all he knew, he had crossed the line.  
Taehyung immediately tilted forward, bowing his head to the ground with a guttural wail that filled the house, catching the other members by surprise from the horrendous, painful screams echoing through the halls.  
Taehyung wasn’t crying from the physical pain; it was the emotional hurt of having his older brother strike him out of anger. He had pushed Namjoon to this point. He had pushed every member away, and now, even the leader was through with him. He was alone.  
With every howling scream, the veins in his neck became more visible. Spit strings connected to the floor from his gaping mouth as he yelled in heartache.  
Namjoon, horrified from his loss of control and his violent actions, made an about face on his heels and rushed through the house, making a beeline for the front door. 

“What’s going on?! What happened?!” Jin cried worriedly as he stood in the living room with the other members, able to hear Taehyung’s wailing from upstairs. His eyes were wide with fear that something immensely terrible had just occurred upstairs behind closed doors.  
“Namjoon!” Yoongi yelled after him, frozen in his place with disbelief.  
“Someone go to him!” Namjoon stiffly said without slowing down, nearly breaking into tears of his own.   
He couldn’t believe he struck him. He had never been so angry with him before. His actions were inexcusable, and all he could think to do was leave the premise.  
“Where are you going?! Namjoon!”  
While Namjoon rushed to close the door behind him before anyone could follow, Jin and Jimin took off for the bathroom to check on Taehyung.  
Yoongi went after Namjoon, instead, with Jungkook following behind.

As Jin and Jimin made it to the doorway, both males froze as they saw Taehyung on his knees crying as hard as he could with his forehead pressed against the cold floor, and his face held by his blood smeared palms. His face was bright red from the forceful cries, and he clutched at his bangs as he rocked forward to another bow as he heaved more screams.  
The blood from his cheek had been spread through his hair as he moved his shaking hands uncontrollably about his face in his fit of tears.  
“Taehyung!” Jimin shouted as he saw the bright blood flowing down his cheek.  
He moved into the bathroom swiftly as Taehyung leaned back onto his knees as he cried out to his friend.  
“He hates me!” He choked through the tears, wrapping his arms around Jimin who was now sitting in front of him, trying to get him to calm down.  
“No, he doesn’t!” Jimin quickly dismissed with fear in his voice. He couldn’t believe what was happening and was hoping his feelings were not reality.  
“Taehyung, what happened?” Jin asked as he brushed a tissue through Taehyung’s hair before resting his hand on the back of his neck. He was crouching next to the huddling friends, but was also concerned for Namjoon. Taking on the mediating parental role, he didn’t want to draw any conclusions without hearing both sides of the story.  
“Taehyung, did Namjoon-Ah hit you?” Jin was able to keep his composure, despite things becoming violent, since he was very protective as a big brother to all the members.  
“I deserved it!” Taehyung wailed, reaching out for Jin to hold his hand in comfort.  
“Taehyung!” Jimin shouted as he clung to the heavy embrace.  
“No, you didn’t. No one deserves to be hit. Let me see.” Jin said, motioning for Taehyung to turn his head so he could look at the wound. It was a deep gash across his cheekbone, and dark red liquid was flowing down his cheek, staining through his friend’s shirt sleeve.  
“You’re gonna need stitches.” Jin said, releasing Taehyung’s hand, proceeding to grab a washcloth from the sink and slightly wetting it under the cold tap.  
He came back and pressed the cloth next to Taehyung’s skin. The boy had hushed his screams since he was leaning next to Jimin’s ear and he didn’t want to deafen his friend.  
As Jin wiped the excessive blood from Taehyung’s tanned skin, and tried his best to remove the smeared crimson from his hair, he placed his hand against the side of Taehyung’s face while applying pressure to the wound to stifle the bleeding.  
“What happened Taehyung?” Jin asked.  
Taehyung didn’t know how to answer. Namjoon was right to hit him. He deserved it for the amount of burden he had brought to everyone.   
“Where did he go?” Taehyung tearfully asked.  
“He left.” Jin mentioned, knowing full well that Taehyung was mainly concerned with Namjoon being okay, instead of his own well-being.  
“He hates me! I know he does!” Taehyung repeated, releasing more sobs against Jimin’s shoulder.  
“Taehyungie, stop,” Jin commanded, “he loves you. You didn’t see him when he left; he looked terrified.”  
“Taetae, nobody can hate you,” Jimin said as he squeezed his arms tighter around his friend. He had no idea what exchange happened between Taehyung and Namjoon, or what could have pushed the leader to lose his temper and strike the younger member, but he knew there was still love between them. He saw it in Namjoon’s eyes as he fled the house.

———————

Suga ran after Namjoon along with Jungkook sprinting behind. The leader was already a decent way down the street, but it didn’t take much for the two to join up with him and occupy opposite sides.  
“Namjoon-Ah, what happened back there?” Yoongi asked with concern in his monotone voice.  
“I hit him!”  
Yoongi assumed his facial expression contorted to match something similar to the youngest as he watched Jungkook’s face change to a flabbergasted, open jawed expression.  
“What do you mean ‘you hit him’? Why?”  
“I don’t know! I was just so angry and I wanted him to stop hurting himself! I lost it back there and I.... I-I hit him!”  
Namjoon grabbed the sides of his head as his headache had turned to a splitting migraine. The group was still walking down the unfamiliar road when Yoongi asked where he was heading.  
“I have to tell the director, I’m done.”  
“What do you mean you’re done?”  
“I’m done being a member.”  
“Hyung! You can’t quit!” Jungkook interjected with hysterics.  
“Namjoon-Ah, this was a misunderstanding, we can fix-“  
Namjoon stopped and spun on his heels to face his Hyung, causing Yoongi to abruptly stop to keep from colliding with the taller male, “no! I hit him! There’s no going back and fixing that! There’s no trust between us anymore! I can’t be apart of the group if I’m going to assault another member!”  
“Namjoon-Ah, listen! We can fix this. We have fixed all of our problems until now. There is no reason you have to quit the group because of this.”  
“How can I promote a campaign to end violence when I haul off and belt the kid?! That would make me a hypocrite.”  
Namjoon was referencing their global campaign they had been working with UNICEF Korea.  
“Namjoon-Ah, stop for a second,” Yoongi started. Jungkook was holding back his tears ever since Namjoon said he was quitting. He was the reason Jungkook decided to join their company in the first place.  
“Let’s not make any impulsive decisions just yet. Let’s all go back to the house and discuss this; as a group. This is something that affects all of us, not just between you and Taehyung-ah. This can be addressed together once everyone has had a moment to calm down. The situation is still too heated for anyone to make any rational decisions. Okay?”  
Namjoon bit his bottom lip and looked up at the peaceful clouds covering the stars overhead. Yoongi was correct that he was making impulsive decisions, and one person’s exit would be detrimental to the entire group.  
“Yeah?” Yoongi called again to snap Namjoon from his daydream.  
Namjoon nodded and allowed Yoongi to place his arm on his back to coax him in the direction back to their accommodations.   
Jungkook tagged along behind, still attempting to hold back his tears. He was relieved Namjoon was coming back to the house, instead of walking to the hotel to quit, but he was still concerned about the situation with Taehyung; he had never heard him scream like that and with such a painful tone to it.

As the three returned to the dorm, they noticed Jin’s car was missing. They entered the house to find a silence blanketing the open area of the living room.  
“Where’d they go?” Jungkook rhetorically asked, knowing the other two wouldn’t have the answer.  
“They left right when I came in, but didn’t say where they were going,” Hoseok said as he entered the living room from the kitchen.  
“What is going on?” He continued, unaware of the circumstances after being outside tidying up the tables alone.

“Hold on a second,” Yoongi hesitated while holding up a finger so he could find the other members. “I’ll call Jimin-ah in case Jin-Hyung is driving,” Yoongi stated while pulling out his cellphone and selecting Jimin’s name.  
Break  
.....”hello?”  
“Jimin-Ah, where are you guys?”  
“We’re taking taehyungie to the hospital to get stitches.”  
“Is he okay?” Yoongi had no idea Taehyung had been cut during the physical attack, so he was caught off guard by the announcement.  
“He’s okay, it’s just a cut that won’t quit bleeding. Is namjoon-Hyung with you?”  
Namjoon could overhear the conversation and he felt guilty hearing the younger male asking about him.  
“Yeah, he’s back here.”  
“That’s good. Taehyungie was asking if he came back. Is he near you?”  
“Yeah, he’s standing right here.”  
“Can I talk to him?”  
“Hold on.”  
Yoongi held the phone out for Namjoon to take to fulfill jimin’s request.  
“Jimin-Ah?”  
“Hyung! I’m glad you came back. Taehyungie wanted to apologize and he was upset that you left. Do you want to talk to him?” Jimin sounded as if he was shouting into the phone as if the window was down while they were driving.  
“Jimin-Ah, I can talk to him tonight when he comes home.” Namjoon didn’t believe Taehyung actually wanted to talk to him. He assumed it was peace keeper jimin trying his best to mend the fences.  
“No, Hyung, he’s asking for the phone right now. Will you talk to him?”  
If Taehyung was the one asking for the phone, Namjoon would hear him out.   
“Put him on, jiminie.”  
....... “hyung?” Taehyung’s deep voice rang through the receiver.  
“Taehyungie, listen I-“  
“Hyung, I’m sorry!” Taehyung’s voice sounded raspier with the force of his apology. “I’m sorry for what I’ve been doing and what I put you and the other members through! I understand why you got so mad because I feel it too! I’m always mad at myself everyday!”  
“Taehyungie?” Namjoon waited to see if Taehyung heard him call his name or if he was still rambling in his apology.  
When he heard nothing on the line, Namjoon proceeded, “taehyungie, we can talk when you get home. Just listen to Jin-Hyung and get yourself taken care of at the hospital.” Namjoon paused for a moment.   
“I’m sorry, taehyungie.” Namjoon felt great remorse for striking his dongsaeng. He never would have imagined ever lifting a hand to one of the members, especially to Taehyung.  
“Hyung, I need help!”  
“I know, taehyungie. Jin-Hyung will get you to the hospital and you’ll get the help you need.” Namjoon naively instructed.  
“No, Hyung! I don’t want to do this anymore! I can’t take it!”  
Namjoon finally understood what Taehyung was stating.   
“Taehyungie, we’ll talk about this once you’re home, okay? This is not an appropriate phone conversation; this is something we’ll sit down and discuss as a group.”  
“You’ll still be there?”  
“Yeah, I won’t leave again.” Namjoon felt jilted at the innocence Taehyung expressed in his concern for him to be at the house.  
“You promise?”  
“Yeah, taehyungie. I promise I’ll still be here once you’re home.”  
“Okay. Hyung?”  
“Yeah, taehyungie?”  
“사랑해요 .....”  
“사랑해.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those continuing to read every week. Daily updates were very enjoyable, but now we’re back to our regular schedule.


	19. A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung’s wide eyes looked out at the group to see half a dozen eyes looking back at him. Jin saw the scared look behind the younger’s brown eyes, and cautiously placed his hand on Taehyung’s cheek.  
> “Taehyung? What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice rose, unaware of the mystery in the air.  
> Taehyung’s breathing started to speed up as he reached to grip onto Jin’s hand against his cheek. His expression contorted into a pained veil as his eyes winced in fear of telling his secret.  
> “Taehyung?” Jin remained calm, despite the panic rising in his heart of what Taehyung was hiding.   
> “I-“ Taehyung stuttered. He didn’t know how to confess to his Hyung.  
> “Taehyungie, it’s okay. I’m right here, and I promise I won’t be mad, or blame you. Please tell me.”  
> Taehyung took a deep inhale but immediately choked out a sob he was suppressing with his exhale.  
> “Taehyung, are you taking something?”

Yoongi received the phonecall from Jimin that the three were on their way back from the hospital. He told the remaining members still in the house, the others were returning and to prepare to have a group discussion, despite the late night hour.

Jin opened the front door and was met with eyes glancing up from their seated positions in the living room. He moved out of the way to hold the door open for the two younger to enter, whom were holding onto each other in their weary, exhausted state.  
As soon as Namjoon saw Taehyung enter the house with a dark, swollen bruise and a butterfly stitch below his sunken eye, he immediately vacated the couch to go be by his side.  
“Taehyungie,” Namjoon shamefully called with pain even sting from his vocal chords.   
The younger noticed the leader coming towards him and quickly released Jimin to swiftly approach the elder halfway.  
They met up in a collision of flesh, both wrapping tight arms around the other, and apologizing for different reasons.  
“I’m so sorry, Taehyungie! You didn’t deserve that!”  
“I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through! I don’t want to be a burden anymore for everyone! It was my fault! I pushed you to do that!” Taehyung’s dry tear ducts began to burn with emotion as his apologies spilled out.  
“No, Taehyung,” Namjoon said, placing his hand softly against the younger’s cheeks so he was forced to look at him while he spoke, “Nothing is your fault. I failed to see to your needs in the beginning and allowed this to get out of hand. I should have been there as a leader and your Hyung.”  
Namjoon paused briefly before slightly tilting Taehyung’s face and grazing his thumb under the damaged skinned.  
“Look at your face,” he painfully winced in rhetorics.  
Taehyung could hear the regret and sadness in the leader’s voice as he checked out the cut on his cheekbone. The cut wasn’t as deep as the others’ had first assumed, but due to the location, it bled heavily for a time before receiving the stitches to contain the clot.  
Namjoon released Taehyung’s face and wrapped his arms back around the thin, frail body before him in another apologetic hug.  
“I’m so sorry,” he quietly whispered next to the younger’s ear.

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi called from his seated position on the sofa. He motioned his arm out towards the other seats, “we need to have a group discussion.”

As the group made their way to finding seats, Hoseok called for Taehyung to come to him where he had been seated on the oversized recliner. He spread his legs and pulled Taehyung to sit between his thighs, as he wrapped his arms around his stomach for a back hug.  
“How are you feeling?” Hoseok asked, releasing his grip and replacing his touch to soft scratches against the younger’s back.  
“I’m okay,” Taehyung confirmed as he pressed back to smoosh his small frame into Hoseok’s consoling comfort.

“Some very unpleasant events have happened today, and we need to address them as a group in order to move past this,” Yoongi began. “Taehyung-ah, I’ve tried to help you, but this has gotten out of hand for anybody to handle anymore. We need to figure out how to get you better, but that requires you to be completely honest with us. If I ask you a question, you have to tell me the truth, otherwise we cannot progress.”  
Taehyung listened intently to his elder, although nervous, he was ready to open up and accept the help from everyone. He had seen the intense emotions behind everyone’s eyes over that past few months, and disregarded them for his own selfish benefit.

“Namjoon-ah was ready to leave the group about an hour ago,” Yoongi reminded, causing half the group to feel utter shock since they had been away dealing with Taehyung’s injuries at the hospital.  
“He came back because we are a unit. We are more than just a musical act; we are family. And when family is hurting, we don’t turn our backs on them.  
“Namjoon-ah knows what he did was out of line. There’s no excuse for striking anyone, ever. So, I’m sorry, Taehyung-ah. On his behalf, I apologize for what happened.  
“Right now, I’d like to ask you, what you think we can do to help you.”

All eyes turned towards Taehyung, whom shyly looked at the floor in shameful embarrassment. Hoseok laid his chin against Taehyung’s shoulder blade and rubbed his side to coax an answer out of him.  
“I don’t know,” he quietly muttered.  
Yoongi nodded while pursing his bottom lip like he usually did when he was trying to solve a conundrum.  
“Okay. That’s fair since I don’t know either.” Yoongi agreed.  
“How long have you been making yourself throw up after meals,” Jimin quietly asked in a morose tone. He had found out about his purging when Jungkook came to him to vent about the previous night in their bedroom.   
Taehyung rubbed agitated fingers nervously at his eyes and flicked his hair back, not wanting to tell them about his disgusting habit.  
“It’s okay, Taehyungie,” Hoseok comforted, “we’re here to help you.”  
“Umm,” he released a frustrated huffed sigh. His mind was at war with blurting everything out, and fighting to continue to hide his secrets.  
“Since I started making you eat with me?” Yoongi asked to persuade an answer.  
“Like a week after- But I tried! I really did!” Taehyung forced his efforts out to show he made an attempt with a slap on his thigh in frustrations that he gave up so easily.  
“I tried,” Taehyung repeated, rubbing his long, nimble fingers against his eyes to cease the burning behind his dry lids. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” he choked with a hitch in his deep voice.  
“Taehyungie,” Hoseok cooed while gripping onto the younger, “What do you need from Hyung? I’ll do anything to help you.” He despised seeing the other members upset, being the moodmaker of the group after all, so he was desperate to fix the situation with Taehyung.  
“I don’t know! That’s the thing!” Taehyung began to speak with great effort to force everything out that he had kept inside. With tears at the forefront, he unloaded.  
“You keep asking me what you can do to help, but I really don’t know! I don’t know what to do for myself! I’m terrified to eat anything since I’m always wondering if it’ll make me sick again! I hate it! And if I tell anyone that I’m feeling sick, I’ll get more testing which holds everyone up! And they can’t find anything wrong, so it’s a waste of time! I don’t want to be sick, but I don’t want anymore testing! It hurts! This is the only way to make it through each day without hurting!”  
Taehyung’s sad eyes burned red as the emotions flowed from his mouth.   
“Taehyungie,” Namjoon called out for the younger to notice, “going to all the hospitals with you was not a waste of time. The doctors told me the tests are coming back inconclusive because you’re not eating when they’re testing you. Certain tests interact with the nutrients, and when they’re depleted, you’ll get a false negative. As soon as we get you eating again, we’ll get you the tests you need to figure out what is wrong-“  
“I don’t want anymore tests!” Taehyung impolitely cried out due to the overflow of emotions he was experiencing.  
“I know,” Namjoon acknowledged. “But I’m not letting you starve anymore. You’re going to end up killing yourself if someone does not intervene; and right now, you have six people doing just that. There is not one person here that wouldn’t do everything in their power to save you from destroying yourself.”  
Hoseok brushed his hand through Taehyung’s hair to help comfort the weeping dongsaeng. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to experience such sickness from a staple in life that was meant to keep you energized, but instead struck you down in your youthful prime.  
“Taehyung-ah, do you know how much weight you have lost?” Yoongi asked after realizing Namjoon was hesitating to see the younger’s reaction.  
Taehyung shook his head. He avoided the scale, knowing he was rapidly losing weight due to complications during dress rehearsals and costume fittings.  
“One thing that has to start immediately is you can’t force yourself to be sick anymore,” Yoongi instructed. “You’re going to damage your voice if you continue to do that, let alone damage your health.”  
With tears dripping off his nose as he hung his head in sickening grief, Taehyung acknowledged Yoongi’s instructions with a nod. He had already experienced his voice raspy and sore during a concert, causing him to miss the high notes, but at least he could say he attended the concert instead of having to miss it due to his illness. He was still able to dance, and perform, though, it was a struggle.

“We’re not doing this because we’re tired of dealing with it; we’re genuinely worried about you, and care about your health. We love you and want nothing more than for you to get better,” Jin added to the conversation.   
Taehyung held his head in his thin hands as he wept in frustration. He was comforted with his disordered eating since he relied on having an empty stomach to feel better. But now that he was going to have to keep food down, he was reeling with worry about feeling nauseous again. As long as he didnt have to experience that stabbing pain in his abdomen ever again, he wanted to continue what he was doing by whatever means necessary.  
“What are you thinking, Taehyungie?” Jin asked the crying dongsaeng, noticing his distemper altering through the intervention.  
Taehyung wiped his fingers over his eyes to slough away the tears pooling at the brim of his eyelids and looked towards the eldest with a defeated look.  
Hoseok squeezed the younger’s shoulders, noticing the tension hanging in his muscles.  
“Talk to me, Taehyungie,” Jin coaxed once more. He got up from the cushion he was seated on and crossed the floor to sit next to Taehyung and Hoseok. He held out his open palms so the younger could place his hands in his. He curled his crooked fingers around Taehyung’s cold hands and placed them in his lap.  
With a lower voice, nearly a whisper, he spoke again, “please talk to me. I know this is difficult for you to let go, but I’m here for you. I love you so much, Taehyungie; just let me listen to what you have to say.”  
Taehyung’s heart ached with Jin’s kind words. He lowered his gaze and felt the emotions flowing like another tsunami wave.  
Jin reached for Taehyung’s chin and lifted his face to look at him. “It’s okay, Taehyungie. What do you want?”  
“I want to keep starving.”  
“You can’t starve yourself, Tae-“ Yoongi quickly added but was interrupted when Jin held up his hand to cease his sentence. He was the only member that was able to tell Yoongi what to do, and the one that Yoongi obeyed.  
Taehyung looked wearily towards Yoongi before Jin eased his face back to look at him. “You’re only talking to me right now, Taehyungie, so just focus on me. Okay?”  
Taehyung made a slight nod to confirm with the eldest in his delusions that everyone in the room didn’t matter for their discussion.  
“Why do you want to starve yourself, Taehyung?” Jin calmly asked with a hint of pain mingling with his concerning question.  
“If I don’t eat, I can’t get sick.”  
“How are you able to practice and perform without getting exhausted if you don’t eat anything?” Jin asked. He had been pondering this thought since noticing Taehyung’s avoidance with sustenance, but never directly asked the obvious.  
Taehyung’s wide eyes looked out at the group to see half a dozen eyes looking back at him. Jin saw the scared look behind the younger’s brown eyes, and cautiously placed his hand on Taehyung’s cheek.  
“Taehyung? What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice rose, unaware of the mystery in the air.  
Taehyung’s breathing started to speed up as he reached to grip onto Jin’s hand against his cheek. His expression contorted into a pained veil as his eyes winced in fear of telling his secret.  
“Taehyung?” Jin remained calm, despite the panic rising in his heart of what Taehyung was hiding.   
“I-“ Taehyung stuttered. He didn’t know how to confess to his Hyung.  
“Taehyungie, it’s okay. I’m right here, and I promise I won’t be mad, or blame you. Please tell me.”  
Taehyung took a deep inhale but immediately choked out a sob he was suppressing with his exhale.  
“Taehyung, are you taking something?” Jin rubbed his hand against Taehyung’s neck as the younger hung his head in shame. He felt Taehyungs grip tighten on the hand he was holding and knew he must be getting close to discovering the answer.  
“What are you taking Taehyung?” Jin asked, noting the seriousness of having a member resorting to illicit drugs.  
“Speed,” Taehyung mumbled, barely audible for anyone to hear.  
“Amphetamines, Taehyung?” Namjoon asked in clarification from across the room.  
Taehyung nodded as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. He felt so ashamed for what he was doing against his hyungs expectations.  
“Taetae, you’re taking drugs?” Jimin asked his friend with such pain quaking in his voice.  
“What’s the name of the pills, Taehyung?” Namjoon asked, pulling out his cellphone to research the product on Naver.  
“Um, Clobenzorex, I think,” Taehyung answered.  
“Where did you get them from, Taehyung?” Jin asked, trying to refocus the younger on himself so he wouldn’t shutdown from the slew of questions the other members may bombard him with.  
“The internet.”  
“Do you still have them?”  
Taehyung nodded while avoiding eye contact with the eldest. He felt so small with the surmounting guilt washing over his filthy soul.  
“You’re going to give them to me when we’re done here, okay?” Jin instructed. He knew of other idols that took amphetamines to deal with exhaustion and their endless schedules and practices, but the members of BTS agreed to avoid all foreign matters that could injure themselves, or cause ARMY to follow suit with their idols they admired. They took pride in being clean cut and managing their tiresome schedule through hard work alone in regards to their success.

With his eyes still scanning the screen of his cellphone, Namjoon interjected to ask a question, “how long have you been taking the pills, Taehyung?”  
“Maybe a month or two?” Taehyung guessed. He couldn’t actually remember when he began taking them since he left them in his bedside table for awhile before trying them out. He was afraid of the pills, at first, since he bought them from a source in Mexico, but was unable to read the instructions, or directions. He had no idea of the dose, or how often he should take them, but found once a day seemed sufficient for a time. He occasionally doubled up in a day when practice ran especially long into the evenings. He became addicted rather quickly to the euphoric feeling and numbness the pills brought over his mind; not to mention the diminished appetite he experienced.  
“Do you take them everyday?” Namjoon asked.  
Taehyung nodded once again.   
Hoseok leaned forward until his chest was against Taehyung’s back, where he proceeded to wrap his arms around the younger’s waist, resting his fists in the warm lap. He was torn up inside with hearing of Taehyung’s habit, worried that he may have done some irreversible damage to his mental health, or physical health.

“When you go off of them, Taehyung, you’re probably going to have withdrawals. It says your body, most likely, has already developed an addiction to the pills, so you’ll feel pretty bad coming off them.”  
Taehyung acknowledged the leader with a bow of his head. He could tell he was already hooked on the effects of the pills. Within a week, he became short tempered the moment the effects began to wear off in the evenings. Coupling that with the dizzying headaches happening from the moment he awoke until he got the chance to pop a pill, he was adamant on continuing the pills to survive their rigorous lifestyle.  
Namjoon continued, “between throwing up and taking these amphetamines, Taehyung, it’s extremely dangerous for your heart. We’re fortunate that this didn’t result in a deadly concoction with you having a heart attack during a rehearsal, or on stage.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung wept. He felt Hoseok tighten his grip around his waist to give him a comforting hug, but he still didn’t feel better.  
Jin wiped the tears running from Taehyung’s eyes, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re all in this together.”  
“I’m so sorry,” Taehyung whispered a second time. Hearing his hyungs being so supportive made the remorsefulness in his heart deepen.

“Taehyung, why did you start taking the pills instead of talking to one of us,” Namjoon asked. “What made you look into those?”  
“I just didn’t want to feel tired anymore. But if I said anything, you would have forced me to start eating again. I just don’t want to feel sick again.”  
“But don’t you feel sick with the way you’re living now?” Yoongi asked the obvious.  
“It’s not the same,” Taehyung sighed. It was hard to explain the difference with how he felt considering he intentionally was throwing up to avoid feeling nauseous.  
“Taehyungie,” Jin interrupted, “is there any food that doesn’t make you feel sick?”  
Taehyung thought for a moment before responding, “sometimes sweet potatoes are okay. And rice doesn’t always make me sick.”  
Jin nodded with Taehyung’s answer. He knew a meal plan of just starchy vegetables and rice wouldn’t be ideal for nutrients, but if it got Taehyung consuming calories enough to bring his weight up, that would be a start in the right direction.

“We’re going to have to tell Manager-nim what happened tonight.” Yoongi mentioned to the group.   
“Everything?” Taehyung questioned, worried he was talking about him throwing up, as well as the kerfuffle between him and Namjoon. He was hoping to still contain this secret within the group and not involve the staff.  
“They already know, Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon stated, “I told them during the meeting I had early this morning. They already know everything that you’ve been doing, sans the pills, though; but only because we’re just now finding out ourselves about those.”  
“Did they seem mad?” Taehyung innocently asked. Their opinion of him mattered immensely, and he felt this would knock him down a peg in their minds.  
Namjoon shook his head while trying to remember the conversation, “no. They had their suspicions about your weight loss, and I just confirmed it. They seemed more concerned and told me they were going to decide what to do in regards with your health after filming tonight. Once they get wind of this, they’ll probably proceed with a professional treatment plan to get you healthy again.”  
“That means more tests,” Taehyung sighed in dissatisfaction.  
Hoseok had been rubbing the younger’s back for the duration of the conversation and felt sympathetic for Taehyung. It was obvious he was fed up with having tests performed without results, and resorted to drastic measures to alleviate the pain, but he needed medical care until an answer was found.  
“But it may lead to an answer on why you’re feeling sick, and then you can get better and start to feel like your old self again,” Hoseok said to help ease Taehyung’s worries.  
He leaned his chest against Taehyung’s back, wrapping his arms around the younger’s chest at an angle, and pulling him back to rest against him in the recliner. He just wanted to hug him the entire night until he felt the slightest bit better in his heart. He pressed his lips against the back of Taehyung’s head, leaving a soft kiss within his colored locks.

“Does anybody have anything they want to say before we call it a night,” Yoongi asked, taking control of the dialogue.  
“You understand that we’re not mad at you, right Taehyungie?” Hoseok asked, brushing his hand through the younger’s soft hair.  
“Disappointed,” Taehyung mumbled under his breath as he tangled his fingers around Hoseok’s, feeling as though the members would be disheartened to find out he was using drugs to manage his life.  
“We’re not disappointed in you, Taehyungie,” Jin interrupted. “We understand why you did everything you did.....” Jin took a moment to think of how he wanted to word his next statement.  
“I just wish you would have talked to me, or someone, from the very beginning. So much could have been prevented if you would have talked to us.”  
Taehyung had his eyes lowered to the floor as his Hyung spoke. He felt guilt, shame, embarrassed, relieved, angry, frustrated, helpless, but also hopeful. The mix of emotions was causing a cocktail of confusion that he couldn’t sort out in his mind.   
“If that’s everyone, we’ll call it a night,” Yoongi announced. 

“Taehyung-ah, please go get me the pills.” Yoongi stood up from his seat and waited for Taehyung to stand up. He placed his hand against the younger’s back to guide him towards his room.   
Even though Yoongi felt they broke a lot of ground, he still had trouble fully trusting the second youngest to bring all of the pills to him, so he felt it necessary to follow him to his room. If Taehyung had even the slightest addiction to the pills effects, he assumed there’d be some stashed away; hidden somewhere for a ‘just incase’ purpose.

The two males entered the bedroom and Taehyung made his way over to the bedside table. He opened an aspirin bottle and allowed several green pills to fall out of the bottle. He had only brought enough pills to get him through the trip, and the rest remained at the dorm back in South Korea.  
“Is that it?” Yoongi asked as Taehyung obsequiously placed the pills in the elder’s open palm.  
Taehyung nodded, but didn’t disclose that there were more at home. He felt overwhelmed giving every little bit of his safety net up all at once. He retained a piece of mind knowing he still had pills waiting for him when he returned home.  
“Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi called for his attention, “you’re doing the right thing. I know it’s comfortable handling things the way you were, despite it being unhealthy and unsafe, but this is right. You can’t allow your mind to take over and force you to be less than you’re worth. Listen to us when we tell you you’re better than this. Alright?”  
Yoongi cupped his hand against Taehyung’s sweat slicked neck in a fatherly way.  
“Thank you for giving me these. Please don’t buy them again.” Yoongi released Taehyung’s neck after a soft pat, and turned to walk out, “the other two will be in shortly, so find comfort in them for the night.”

Yoongi paused near the doorway before turning back to see the sullen, sunken eyes decorating Taehyung’s sad expression. He sympathized with the depression the younger was experiencing with the multitude of changes happening all at once; it was probably overwhelming to the point of shutting down completely.  
Yoongi returned to his position in front of Taehyung and wrapped his arms around the kid in a tight hug.  
Taehyung, momentarily caught off guard with Yoongi’s physical embrace, found the comfort in resting his cheek against the elder’s shoulder with his face angled against the elder’s warm skin, allowing his lips to softly brush against his neck. He inhaled Yoongi’s scent and appreciated the moment for all it was worth.  
“Lean on us when you need that crutch; don’t turn to drugs or secrets again. Okay?”  
Taehyung didn’t respond. He just wanted to remain held in this moment while his mind was in turmoil. He wanted to explain to Yoongi how sad he had been and that he didn’t know how to dig himself out of his own depression. He was lost in his confusion that he developed with his disordered ways, and couldn’t figure out how to receive the help he wanted without letting go of his newly created habits that made him feel better. He so badly just wanted to ask for help, but his dry mouth retained the words.

Yoongi liberated himself from the younger’s hold, and with that, left the room.

Taehyung stood in the unfamiliar room, lost and alone, but somehow tried to find the ray of hope the members were telling him was vastly approaching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters may become shorter for the next three weeks due to a hectic schedule coming up with personal life and work, but after the first week of October, things should balance out.  
> Not saying they definitely will be different, but there’s a greater chance. I’ll still try to do my best, but my mind is elsewhere and it’s hard to focus on immersing myself in the story.


	20. War of Hormone (EXPLICIT)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook slid a hand under the elder’s jawline and stroked down his thin neck as he passed his tongue between his lips to taste the salty bite of the other male. Taehyung’s deep moan rang in Jungkook’s ears, causing his erection to painfully harden, nearly bursting from the sound alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> This has explicit content. If you are opposed to sexual intercourse between two men, or anything of that nature, please skip this chapter.

“Hyung, are you going to get a shower?” Jungkook asked as he entered the shared bedroom.  
Taehyung had been lost in thought after Yoongi left him alone in the empty room before the youngest came up to see to his Hyung.  
“Yeah, I think so,” Taehyung rasply said with a dry voice. He needed to wash the dried blood from his neck and out of his hair before turning in for the remainder of the night.  
“You want to share a shower? I still need one too.” It wasn’t unfamiliar for the two youngest to share the washroom at the same time, especially when Taehyung had been adamantly recommending it to the group since shortly after their debut. However, the elders appreciated showering solo, instead of brushing up to one of the other members in the stall.  
“Do you want to go first?” Taehyung asked the youngest.  
“No, come on. We can both get it done at once,” Jungkook said as he tugged on Taehyung’s arm to guide him towards their bathroom.

Jungkook reached out, flipping the light switch to illuminate the immaculate space of their bathroom.  
Taehyung noticed the blood that once marked up the clean, white floor, had been wiped up by one of the members while he was at the hospital getting his stitches.

Even though he didn’t have to, Jungkook helped his Hyung undress by first pulling the zipper down the front of his hooded jacket.  
Taehyung felt self conscious, knowing the way his body appeared with multiple bones jutting out from beneath his skin, but he refused to hinder Jungkook’s helping hands as they patiently removed his layers. He was still exhausted from everything that occurred and was feeling troubled to find the energy to help himself with simple tasks.

Once he finished undressing Taehyung, Jungkook peeled off his own tight, black jeans, feeling the cool air bite at his clammy skin. He watched Taehyung stand still with his arms folded across himself in a failed attempt to hide his body and stay warm; his gaze never raising from the floor as he stared blankly at nothing in particular.  
"You ready?" Jungkook asked as he placed a hand on Taehyung's bare shoulder.  
Taehyung nodded while slowly creeping towards the glass shower stall.

It was a large shower that would easily cater to the boys' needs without causing them to bump into each other during the cleansing process.  
Taehyung stepped in first and moved to the back of the stall, out of reach of the awaiting shower stream. Jungkook stepped in second and turned the knob to get the water running. He was hit with the bitter, cold needlelike sting of the water and understood why Taehyung chose to hide at the back.  
Jungkook waited for the water temperature to become warm and then dipped his head under the stream, brushing his long hair back until it was completely soaked. Wiping water from his eyes, he reached out and waved a hand, beckoning for his brother to come closer to him.

Taehyung tiptoed close and began to submerge himself under the beads of water. He quickly recoiled from the sting on his skin when the bite of the water scattered across his broken flesh.  
"Here," Jungkook said after noticing the harsh look on Taehyung’s face. He moved under the shower head to block the stream with his back. He turned Taehyung to face the back of the shower and pulled him against his chest. He tilted his hyungs head back and brushed the water cascading down his chest onto his brother's hair until it was soaked and slicked back.  
Jungkook reached for the shampoo bottle and squirted a dollop in his palm. He swiped half onto his hair and then massaged the rest onto his hyungs colored locks.  
Once Taehyung’s head was covered in small suds, Jungkook massaged the shampoo into his own hair. After quickly rinsing, he readjusted the temperature and placed his hands on his elder’s shoulders.  
"You ready?" Jungkook asked.  
Taehyung contained his eyes fixed down but moved back until he was pressed against Jungkook’s chest. Again, Jungkook tilted Taehyung’s head back and rinsed the bubbles from his hair. He looked at the length and thought Taehyung could use a hair trim since his bangs were becoming  
long.  
As Jungkook ran his hands through Taehyung’s long hair, making sure to get out all the excess shampoo, he watched Taehyung’s sullen face relax. His eyes were closed but he could see the tension flee every time he placed his hands on Taehyung’s body.  
He cautiously wrapped his nimble fingers near his hyung’s throat to caress the moistened skin. Taehyung instinctively craned his neck to allow Jungkook to rake his nails softly across his flesh to stimulate the pleasurable nerve endings.  
The younger reached his other arm around the elder’s waist until he ceased to rest it passionately on Taehyung’s taut stomach.  
He leaned his face down to nip the skin against Taehyung’s neck with a hasty, hungry kiss.  
Taehyung wrapped his thin fingers around Jungkook’s hand on his neck, and brought it against his chest where he proceeded to clasp it flat against his chest as he stroked the skin with his thumb.  
Jungkook flexed his biceps, and squeezed Taehyung’s entire frame against his in a warm, wet embrace.  
“I love you, Hyung,” Jungkook breathily exhaled near Taehyung’s ear, causing euphoric chills to run throughout the elder’s entire body.  
Taehyung reached an arm up to rake his fingers through Jungkook’s slick hair before resting it on the nape of his neck. He leaned his head against Jungkook’s shoulder, and angled his face until his lips almost touched Jungkook’s skin.  
“I’m sorry for being a bad Hyung to you. I really am not someone to look up to in the slightest,” Taehyung apologetically told the younger as he massaged the tense muscle in Jungkook’s neck.  
“No, you’re not,” Jungkook quickly disregarded as he released Taehyung and spun him so they were now face to face. He gently placed his palm against Taehyung’s cheek near the discolored skin, but he still found Taehyung’s features to be breathtakingly captivating despite the sickening bruised flesh flecked with bits of dried blood.  
“There’s nothing I can say to convey my true feelings that you’ll believe right now. So I’m just going to tell you that I love you with all my heart, and that I’ll do anything for you that you’ll ever need.” Jungkook pulled Taehyung into his chest to give him the tightest hug he had ever given someone. “I promised to protect you, no matter what, and that’s what I plan to continue doing for you.”  
Taehyung rubbed his palms against Jungkook’s broad, muscular back, feeling the muscles flexing with the slight rock the younger subconsciously did during his comforting hug.  
“I love you, Hyung,” Jungkook repeated as he slid his fingers down Taehyung’s back until he reached the fleshy part of the elders thin backside where he proceeded to cup the skin in a more romantic, lustful way.  
“I love you too, Kookie,” Taehyung said, resting his cheek flush against Jungkook’s shoulder, and stilling his hands to softly grip the muscles flexed in the younger’s back.  
Jungkook tilted his face and pressed his lips against the pillowy softness of Taehyung’s pout. He inhaled deeply as he partially opened his mouth and passionately passed his tongue between Taehyung’s lips to stroke the elder’s awaiting tongue.  
While kissing his Hyung passionately, Jungkook dominantly took a step forward until Taehyung’s back was pressed against the shower wall. He reciprocated the playful kiss by massaging Jungkook’s roaming tongue with his own.  
The younger ground his hips into Taehyung’s while he stroked the nape of his neck as they kissed. His masculine erection dug into Taehyung’s thigh as he continued to pulsate the throbbing girth against his flesh.

Jungkook detached from the liplock to catch his labored breath, noticing the redness around Taehyung’s gaping square mouth as he panted heavily. The stubble from Jungkook’s unshaven face, and the force of the kiss caused the skin around the elder’s mouth to become decorated pink. Jungkook couldn’t control himself with the sight of Taehyung. Listening to his panting with water glistening across his lips made his erection quiver with more desires.

Taehyung impatiently reached his hand up to grasp behind the younger’s neck to pull him back in for another round of smothering kisses.  
Jungkook slid a hand under the elder’s jawline and stroked down his thin neck as he passed his tongue between his lips to taste the salty bite of the other male. Taehyung’s deep moan rang in Jungkook’s ears, causing his erection to painfully harden, nearly bursting from the sound alone.  
He grabbed onto Taehyung’s hip, running his hand down his cheek until reaching his slim thigh, and lifted his leg up to press his erection deeper into the male’s hot groin.  
Taehyung arched his back without breaking away from the kiss, and swiveled his hips against Jungkook’s throbbing cock, nearly begging for more.  
Jungkook glided his hand under Taehyung’s lifted thigh until he reached the center of his backside where he allowed his curious fingers to prod the delicate skin. The water from the shower, mixing with the shampoo residue, had made Taehyung’s skin slick with moisture on his lower half. Feeling the difference in skin texture, Jungkook gently slid his middle finger around the rim to prepare the his Hyung for more pleasure.  
Taehyung moaned even louder as he broke the kiss to tilt his head back and arch his back even more from the pleasurable sensations the younger was tormenting him with.  
“Oh, Hyung!” Jungkook gasped after hearing Taehyung’s deep, lustful moan singing in his ears again. He leaned his hand against the shower wall while tastefully nipping and sucking at the skin of Taehyung’s shoulder. He was struggling to contain himself, but it had been a long time since they had been together like this.  
“Oh, Kookie,” Taehyung moaned while scratching his fingers down Jungkook’s tense back.  
Jungkook raised his head from marking the elder’s flesh to lean his forehead against Taehyung’s while he panted with uncontrollable arousal.  
“I’ve missed you so much,” Jungkook breathily exhaled, allowing his lips to graze Taehyung’s in a titillating tease.  
He delivered another quick, deep kiss before retracting back, driving Taehyung’s arousal wild with wanting more from the maknae.  
“I want you so bad right now,” he gasped again, nearly begging for an immediate release.  
Taehyung looked into Jungkook’s lust drunk eyes as he panted for air, hardly able to control himself either.  
“I don’t know if I’m ready, yet,” Taehyung warned, after noticing himself tensing up from Jungkook’s playful fingers near his entrance.  
Jungkook aggressively pressed a final hot kiss against Taehyung’s soft lips before whispering, “I’ll go slow.”

Jungkook eagerly glided his hand back around Taehyung’s hip to return his fingers near the awaiting tight opening. He slid his finger around the rim to glisten the hole with shampoo residue to make insertion less painful. He slightly pressed his middle finger into the hole, but ceased his movement when he felt Taehyung tense up and tighten even more.  
“Relax,” Jungkook instructed through whispers before attempting to press his finger further in.  
“Ah!” Taehyung yelped from the frictional pain occurring.  
“Put your arms around my neck and hold onto me,” Jungkook coaxed, taking a dominating stance to support both of their weight.  
Taehyung obediently wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s neck and felt the younger press harder against him, pinning him against the shower wall.  
The Golden Maknae placed his fingers at the entrance a second time before pausing.  
“Are you ready?” Jungkook asked, trying to control his movements so Taehyung felt more pleasure than pain. He knew this was going to hurt since it had been so long, so he didn’t want to traumatize the skin with a lot of needless foreplay since he wanted Taehyung to feel good. A quick love making session should be best to break him in for the future sadist foreplay, but for now, he just wanted love.  
“Not yet,” Taehyung timidly said.  
“Just relax,” Jungkook demanded again. He playfully nipped at Taehyung’s lower lip, before colliding his mouth back to passionately tonguing the elder.  
As they stroked their tongues against each other, Jungkook waited to hear Taehyung’s guttural moan once more before plunging his middle finger sharply inside him.  
Taehyung kicked his head back against the shower wall and dug his nails into Jungkook’s skin while he winced in pain from the quick insertion.  
“It’s okay, it’s okay! Just relax now and it’ll feel good. Just relax,” Jungkook coached Taehyung as he felt the muscle tight around his finger, nearly cutting off circulation to the appendage.  
“Ow-oh!” Taehyung coughed as he gripped the younger.  
“I’m gonna start moving now,” Jungkook said as he felt the pressure around his finger ease slightly.  
“No wait!” Taehyung begged, still experiencing more pain than pleasure.  
“Shhh, just trust me,” Jungkook said, slowly easing his finger rhythmically out and in from Taehyung. He could feel the tension lessening with each pump as his finger became slicker, and easier to slide in and out.  
He felt Taehyung’s entire body quiver and jerk as he pumped his hand faster, realizing the euphoric pleasure was starting to come over his Hyung.  
“You’re doing good. I’m gonna add another now,” Jungkook heatedly whispered.  
Taehyung could barely function anymore. His body was involuntarily jerking with immense pleasure as he felt Jungkook’s fingers massaging his prostate at the perfect angle. His erection throbbed as he neared and he quickly kicked back against the wall before gripping onto Jungkook’s working arm to still his movement.  
“Im gonna cum!” He blurted out with his eyes rolling back in his head as he tried to suppress his orgasm.  
“You ready for me?” Jungkook asked, halting all movements while waiting for his hyung’s answer.  
Taehyung nodded while biting his lower lip, causing Jungkook’s excitement to skyrocket from how sexy he looked.  
He eased his fingers back out, allowing Taehyung to gasp from the sudden change in sensations, but soon pressed his massive, throbbing erection against the opening before he had a chance to lose the slack in elasticity he had built up.  
Jungkook didn’t warn Taehyung before impaling him upon his sword. Taehyung stiffened his body from the swollen girth that was just inserted, but quickly adjusted by arching his back again as Jungkook pumped his hips, allowing the lubrication of his precum to hasten the pleasurable feeling once again.  
“Oh god, you feel so good,” Jungkook moaned as he slowed his hips and began to grind deeply into the elder to prolong his erection.  
“I want to cum together,” Taehyung moaned while holding onto Jungkook’s shoulders, barely able to open his eyes from the intense pleasure.  
After hearing Taehyung’s desires, Jungkook grabbed onto the older male’s hips and thrusted powerfully and swiftly into him, hitting just the appropriate spot that would make both erupt at once.  
“Huff! Huff! Ohhh!” Taehyung could feel his body warm up as he released his load between their bodies.  
Jungkook noticed the sticky semen glistening down the Taehyung’s flaccid cock and made several more rough thrusts before orgasming deep inside of him, filling his hole with hot fluid that was pumped out with the last few quivering thrusts.

Both males gasped as they clung to each other, trying to catch their breath and contain their faulty footing as their knees shook with their orgasmic release.  
As he caught his breath from his panting state, Jungkook lovingly placed his hands against Taehyung’s cheeks and gave him a dry kiss against his chapped lips.  
When he reeled back from the simple kiss, he watched the corners of Taehyung’s mouth raise into the familiar boxy shape he remembered well. It had been months since he last saw his Hyung smile without faking it for the cameras, or the fans, so his heart was content just gazing into his hyung’s eyes for the moment.  
He leaned in for a second kiss, but held this one longer, allowing for a nip of the lower lip, before continuing forward to wrap his arms around Taehyung.  
Jungkook inhaled deeply feeling his heart thumping from the excitement moments ago, slowly going back to normal.  
“I love you, Hyung,” Jungkook softly spoke lovingly near Taehyung’s ear.  
Taehyung reciprocated the hug, and rested his weak arms around the younger’s sturdy waist.  
“I love you, too, Kookie.” With his knees weak and his body tired, Taehyung could hardly stand to finish the shower. He felt comforted in Jungkook’s arms, and wanted to stay in them for the remainder of the night without moving. He wanted to stay in this ephemeral moment for as long as he could.  
“Are you in any pain?” Jungkook asked, taking a step back to look his Hyung in the eyes. It had been a long time since they had done anything, so his concern was getting too rough with the elder and hurting him during their love making. He had a tendency to become overly rough in his aroused state like a wild animal, and had to be told from time to time to take it slow.  
Taehyung offered a crooked smile and calmly tapped his palm against Jungkook’s broad chest, “no, I’m okay.”  
Jungkook gripped the nape of Taehyung’s neck and gave one final, passionate kiss before pulling away.  
“The hot water will run out soon; we should finish up before it gets cold.”

Jungkook reached for the washcloth and splashed it with body wash. He did a quick once over on himself thinking the washcloth would be soiled after cleaning the blood grime from Taehyung, even though the water had washed most of the events from earlier off his skin.  
The younger male rinsed the cloth and added fresh soap to it. He began carefully washing the dried blood on Taehyung’s face, being gentle enough not to break open the small cut on his cheekbone. 

The younger rubbed Taehyung’s back with the cloth before noticing a pink trail of water infused blood trickling down the elder’s inner thigh.  
“Ah, I’m sorry Hyung,” Jungkook apologized with great remorse. He assumed Taehyung wasn’t ready enough and the rough friction from his excitement caused him to bleed slightly from his dominance.  
Taehyung shook his head and tapped his fingers gently against the younger’s shoulder, “no, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”  
He didn’t mind the pain for the moment; it was enough to focus his mind on the physical distraction instead of the roaming thoughts fluttering through his mind regarding the previous discussion with the group.  
Jungkook slowly pulled back so he could gently continue washing Taehyung’s body.  
He ran the sudsy cloth down the elder’s backside carefully so as to not aggravate the traumatized skin further. He could sense Taehyung’s discomfort when he glanced at his hyung’s tight, white knuckled grip on the shelf holding the shower supplies.  
He hadn’t taken into consideration Taehyung was weaker now, and more fragile than he used to be with his weight loss. But his arousal was too much to control from his excitement with just being close to his Hyung once again.

Both males rinsed the soap residue from their bodies and then Jungkook turned the shower head off.  
He stepped out of the shower, letting the warm steam escape the enclosed space, and wrapped a towel around his waist. He grabbed the second towel and held it open for Taehyung to use.

As Taehyung slowly crept forward out of the shower stall, Jungkook placed the towel on his head and aggressively rubbed it over his hair. He draped the towel over Taehyung’s head before long, and let it dangle around the male’s body, nearly covering his entire small frame with the puffy, oversized terrycloth.  
Jungkook grabbed a hairbrush and reached out for Taehyung.  
"Come on," he coaxed as he took Taehyung’s hand into his. He flipped off the light and walked out of the bathroom with Taehyung trailing tirelessly behind.  
The two brothers found Jimin in the bedroom waiting on one of the beds with a change of clothes for both of them by his side.  
Jimin’s eyes fell to his friend and he forced a bashful smile towards him.  
"Hey, Taetae," Jimin cooed. He stretched out a hand and Taehyung immediately padded across the floor towards him.  
As Jungkook handed Jimin the hairbrush, Jimin pulled Taehyung down so he was sitting on the edge of the bed in between his thin, spread legs, facing away from him. He did a quick tussle of the towel over his damp locks and then released the towel so it laid bunched at Taehyung’s waist. It was then with all the blood washed away, Jimin could see every protruding bone in Taehyung’s shoulders and back, rippling down his spine as he leaned forward from exhaustion.  
Jimin raked the brush through Taehyung’s colorful hair while Jungkook grabbed the change of clothes Jimin had laid out for him and proceeded to change furtively.  
"Thanks," Jungkook said as he tied the drawstring to his lounge pants.  
"You're welcome," Jimin replied while still focusing on brushing Taehyung’s hair.

Jimin wrapped his arms around his lithe friend, letting his chin find rest in the crook of Taehyung’s neck.  
"You ready to sleep, Taetae?” Jimin asked, as he was past the point of exhaustion himself.  
Taehyung reached a hand up and held onto Jimin’s forearm, finding peace and safety in his friend’s arms. He closed his eyes wishing he could have this comforting feeling forever.  
Jungkook swiped a hand through Taehyung’s freshly brushed hair, giving a playful tussle before returning to the bathroom to blow dry his own long hair.

Jimin released his arms, gave a loving pat to Taehyung’s chest, and reached for the clothes he had laid out. He grabbed the boxers first while Taehyung stood up and turned to face him.  
Placing his hands on Jimin’s shoulders, Taehyung lifted one foot at a time to help get himself dressed. But after the boxers were on, Taehyung didn't want any more fabric touching his sore body. He moved past Jimin and began crawling onto the queen sized bed.  
"You don't want anything else," Jimin asked while aiding Taehyung up to the pillows. He found the irony of Taehyung wanting to sleep with less clothing, and Jungkook fully getting dressed in lounge pants and a T-shirt quite opposite than usual.  
"No. I just want to sleep," Taehyung replied drowsily.  
Jimin pulled the comforter down and waited for Taehyung to get his spindly limbs under before pulling it over his friend’s body.  
"Are you sleeping here with me?" Taehyung asked, lightly holding onto Jimin’s wrist.  
"Do you want me to?" Jimin inquired, knowing tonight’s sleeping arrangements were for him and the maknae to share a bed and Taehyung had one to himself.  
Taehyung nodded with half lidded eyes.  
"Okay," Jimin confirmed. He removed his black hoody, exposing a white, thick long sleeved shirt underneath, and kicked his socks off. He tossed everything in the corner in a heaping pile, not caring at this point to tidy things up.  
"Move over," Jimin preciously said as he gave his friend a playful shove, careful not to hurt Taehyung’s bruised body.  
He crawled under the covers and laid on his folded hands, resting them behind his head, and exhaled a long sigh of exhaustion.  
He stared at the ceiling knowing sleep would elude him due to the dancing thoughts in his wandering mind regarding Taehyung’s drug use and Namjoon’s future once disclosing the information to management about the scuffle that ensued after the campfire.

Jungkook walked back into the bedroom with his hair soft and fluffy from the hair dryer. He meandered over to the light switch and flicked it off, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness with the small nightlight illuminating his path to the bed.  
“Kookie,” Jimin called out to the maknae. He raised his arm up to express that he wanted a hug from the youngest.  
Jungkook wandered over to the couple and playfully gripped onto Jimin’s small hand, slightly jostling it to lighten the mood.  
“Kookie, sleep here,” Jimin joked as he interlaced his fingers with the younger kid and slightly wriggled his arm back and forth.  
“I’m too big,” Jungkook laughed, knowing he was in the running as becoming the largest member next to Namjoon.  
“You’ll fit. Here,” Taehyung said as he pressed back into Jimin and lifted the covers to expose the open area on the edge.  
“I can’t fit there,” Jungkook laughed.  
“Yes you will. Lay down,” Jimin coaxed while pulling on his arm so he’d lose his balance and sit down.  
“Here, I’ll hold onto you so you won’t fall out,” Taehyung joked.  
Jungkook obeyed his playful hyungs and laid down next to Taehyung. Jimin wrapped his arms past Taehyung to grab ahold of Jungkook’s arms, sandwiching his friend between them both.  
“See, you fit just fine,” Jimin jeered.  
They were in perfect syzygy laying in the bed together.  
Despite the discussion earlier, the maknae line seemed at peace for the moment, laying together and enjoying each others’ presence.  
Jimin’s mind was racing with questions he wanted to ask of his friend, but he disregarded them due to the late hour, and didn’t want to inhibit Jungkook’s slumber. Even if he couldn’t find the opportunity to slip into a peaceful rest, he hoped for the other two to find some sleep.


	21. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Being afraid shows that we are human. You can run from it, or take control of it. I trust you’ll make the right decision.”  
> The manager clapped his hands gently against Taehyung’s shoulders.  
> “Please eat with the members again today. Our flight will happen soon enough, and then we’ll arrange your schedule for a doctor visit.  
> “Take care, Taehyung-ssi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re unfamiliar with BTS staff members, before reading this chapter, you can do a quick search on ‘BTS manager Sejin’ to put a face to the name, as he is introduced in this chapter.

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked Namjoon as his friend entered the shared room in the rental house.  
He had been waiting impatiently for the leader and Taehyung to return from their impromptu meeting with the directors and managers to expose the secrets that were being kept, and the resulting assault afterward.  
“They want to have a meeting with the entire group now,” Namjoon sullenly said. “I have to go get the others, so get yourself ready.”  
“But what did they say? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Hoseok rattled. His mind was running wild with worries of the unknown: are they pulling contracts? Are they still a seven member group? Is Namjoon being punished for striking a member? Is Taehyung being reprimanded for taking drugs? Is he getting treatment?   
Namjoon took the moment to calm his friend down after hearing the stressed tension in his questions, “they didn’t say much to Taehyung and me, rather they said they’d give their decision to the whole group.” He paused for a breath and looked away, “I wish I could give you something more to help, but I can only tell you the facts for now. So come on, get ready.”

After gathering the other members and returning to the conference hall located at the hotel where the staff was staying, the discussion was about to begin with managements’ decision.  
“We’ve talked it over after Namjoon-ssi and Taehyung-ssi brought all the data to us in regards to last night’s ordeal.   
“We’re not going to reprimand Namjoon-ssi for inflicting an injury to Taehyung-ssi since his guilt and regret should be punishment enough.  
“That being said, we are going to make an official announcement that BTS will be taking an official and extended break from all media and work obligations.  
“We decided this to allow Taehyung-ssi‘s wound to heal, and to get medical testing done without worry of performance schedules getting in the way.  
“The rest of you will be free to do whatever you want to recuperate during this undisclosed amount of time.”

The members seemed bewildered by the lack of consequences doled out for fighting last night, and instead, felt rewarded with a vacation to actually rest their bodies.  
“PD-nim, are we really allowed to do whatever we want?” Jimin asked, surprised at their first official break since debuting.  
“That is correct. You may travel, visit family and friends...take time to rest since you’ve been working exceptionally hard this past year since going global. We have noticed you’ve been getting injured and coming down with illnesses often and would like you to take care of your health for awhile.  
“You will be required to take your manager and bodyguards with you when traveling abroad for obvious reasons. And we ask that you avoid situations that look bad for the company and the group. Keep in mind to stay professional with your actions and words.  
“If there are no more questions, you are free to begin your vacation. You can get with a staff member to discuss flight arrangements if you wish to fly out of here, but everyone else will be flying back to Korea in two days if you plan to stay.”

The members each looked around at the staffs’ smiling faces beaming back at them before breaking out in elated grins of their own.  
Slowly, the members began to file out before Manager Sejin called out to one individual.  
“Taehyung-ssi, please stay behind. We have to talk to you about your care.”  
Jimin looked wearily towards his friend and was concerned Taehyung wasn’t going to have a joyful experience like the rest of the members were, fortunately, about to embark upon.

Taehyung sat back down at the conference table to listen to his Manager Sejin’s decision.  
“Taehyung-ssi, I apologize you can’t afford to leave the country due to the procedures we have scheduled for you. We also can’t have you going to airports until your face heals so your image doesn’t get passed around on social media. We can’t allow this dispute to go past these walls with the UNICEF campaign in place. Your makeup artist can cover it for the trip back to Korea, but also wear a mask and hat to cover up as much as possible.  
“You will be seeing a physician in Seoul that will determine the tests you need right away. We also have a feeding clinic lined up if we notice you aren’t cooperating with eating on your own. We would prefer to allow you to go at your own pace, but if you continue to do harm to yourself, we will intervene and take you to the clinic where you’ll be under twenty-four hour watch.”

Taehyung felt his heart sink while listening to Manager Sejin deciding his fate. He was against more testing, but he understood the staff was trying to do the best for his health at the moment.  
“Are you okay with these restrictions?” The manager kindly asked the youngest in the room.  
“Yes,” Taehyung politely responded. There was no point in trying to bargain as the management team had already locked in their decision regarding his health.  
“We’ll schedule your first appointment as soon as possible as to not draw these circumstances out for long. Keep your phone on you and we’ll call you when you need to be ready to leave once we’re back in Korea. Until then, you have these two days to rest.”  
Taehyung bowed his head and gratuitously thanked the staff for being reasonable regarding the entire situation.

He turned again, nearly out the door when another manager spoke up, “actually, Taehyung-ssi, before you go, I received an offer specifically for you.”  
Taehyung stopped in the doorway, hesitating with the odd announcement and unsure if this was meant to be good news or bad.  
“Please, take a seat for a moment,” the manager gestured back to the seat Taehyung had just vacated.  
“I received an email from an American casting agent that was asking if you would be interested in filming for a television series. They saw you in Hwarang, and are willing to work around your schedule to a certain extent. Obviously, they have deadlines they must meet for filming, but they are willing to shoot your scenes more rapidly than a regular filming schedule for a series so you can still promote with the group.  
“However, with recent events, our schedule is now free to better work with the production company. The decision is ultimately yours to make, but this would be an opportunity to break out into western filming for you.”  
Taehyung was caught off guard with the offer, especially after being told he was going to be spending time getting procedures over the next month, but he was excited to have the chance to act once again.  
“Umm, when would filming begin?” Taehyung stuttered, curious about it coinciding with his face healing.  
“They would like you there in a month to start working with a vocal coach to learn your lines in English, and then filming would begin in two months. That would give us time to schedule your appointments, and allow your face to heal properly before you’d have to leave.”  
“How long will I be in America?” Taehyung asked, assuming an American series would be filmed in the states.  
“They’re actually filming in Japan. They’re scheduling fifteen weeks for actors, trying to film thirteen episodes with one episode per week, and then reshoots for two weeks. But they are offering to rush your scenes for the possibility of promotions with the group, so you won’t be there for the full filming duration. It would definitely be at least two months straight including the first month working with the tutor for your English.”

Taehyung was beginning to feel excitement fluttering in his stomach the more his manager spoke about the opportunity.  
“Umm, when are they expecting my decision? I just don’t want to make a commitment when I’m unsure of the testing and then have to back out in an unprofessional way.”  
“You have a week before I have to respond with your decision.”  
“Taehyung-ssi,” Manager Sejin spoke up again, “we can make it work if you wish to take this role. This will be your opportunity to focus on regaining your weight, and building up your health as long as you follow the doctor’s orders for the duration you’re home. But if you disobey the lifestyle we’re implementing, you will lose this opportunity if you are placed in a clinic for twenty-four hour watch.”  
Taehyung nodded, seeing this as an ultimatum the staff was waving in front of him. He desperately wanted to act again, but knowing if he didn’t change his ways immediately, he would lose the opportunity presenting itself.  
“Think it over; you have a week to make a decision, and the staff will take care of scheduling your appointments. One of us will get with you tomorrow morning, so please be awake around 9 o’clock. You don’t have to get ready for anything, just be awake.”  
“Yes, thank you,” Taehyung said, standing up and bowing to the staff seated across from him. He wasn’t sure what the manager meant by ‘being awake, but not having to be ready’ tomorrow morning. Maybe to go over finer details about the acting role is all he could fathom to guess.  
“Taehyung-ssi,” Manager Sejin continued before Taehyung turned to leave, “we run a company, yes, but seeing to your health is our number one priority right now. Don’t think that you can’t come to us when you’re struggling for fear we’ll terminate your contract. If you need something, let someone know. Do you understand?”  
“Yes, thank you,” Taehyung said with another bow.   
He turned and left the conference hall to go find the rest of the members waiting for him downstairs.

The members were dropped off at the rental property for the remainder of the day. They had a lot on their mind with the unusual offer of an official break to be free to do whatever they pleased for an undetermined amount of time.  
Taehyung shuffled to his room with Jimin following right behind. Closing the door quietly behind them, Jimin spoke to his friend, “so what’d they have to say to you?”  
Taehyung turned to see his friend still hanging onto the doorknob with his hands behind his back.  
“I have an offer to act in an American series filming in Japan.”  
Jimin’s eyes widened as much as they could and the corners of his mouth tilted upwards. “Really?! That’s amazing, Taetae!”  
He crossed the room to sit next to his friend on one of the beds.  
“Are you going to take it?” Jimin asked, knowing how much Taehyung enjoyed acting previously.  
“I want to, but I’m not sure with the testing the staff wants to have done if I’ll be able to.”   
Taehyung fiddled with the fabric of his sleeve hanging past his hand in a nervous gesture.  
Jimin reached his arm around his friend and pulled him into his side, “What did management have to say about that?” He asked concernedly.  
“I have to see a physician once we fly back to Korea, but they said they could work around a filming schedule if it’s what I want to do.”  
“That’s amazing, Taehyungie! Why don’t you seem as thrilled as I am?” Jimin said trying to cheer his friend up.  
“I’m just nervous, I guess.”  
“What are you nervous about?”  
“What if I get sick while I’m by myself in Japan? If I could stay this way, I could manage-“  
“No, Taehyung-ah, you’re not doing this anymore,” Jimin’s cheerful tone took a sudden stern sound resonating in his vocal cords with what he wanted to convey. “I don’t care about the filming or opportunities if it’ll keep you sick. If BTS failed and we all had to go our separate ways just so you’d become healthy again, I’d wish for that to happen in a heartbeat without a second thought. I care too much about you to sacrifice your health for career opportunities. I love you, Taehyungie.”  
Jimin wrapped his other arm around Taehyung to deliver a hug to convey how much his friend meant to him.   
Taehyung tilted his head to rest on Jimin’s shoulder while he clutched onto his friend’s arm that was squeezing against his chest.

The next morning, Manager Sejin arrived early to the rental house to check on the members. None of them had spoke about planning to fly out of Cleveland for a solo trip, so he thought he’d make a point to ask, as well as check on Taehyung.

He greeted Namjoon, whom was reading a novel in the living room with his feet kicked up onto the couch.   
“Were you planning to fly back to Korea with the rest of the staff tomorrow?” The manager asked on a friendly basis.  
“Yes. I think I’ll stay in Korea for most of the break,” Namjoon alliterated.   
“Is your guilty conscience making it so you won’t travel?” The manager asked, assuming the leader felt remorseful obligations to stay homebound after assaulting Taehyung.  
“I was planning to go to his appointments with him since he isn’t able to travel like the others.”  
The manager hesitated and then spoke calmly to the leader, “you’re very loyal. I’m sure Taehyung will appreciate the kind gesture. But please don’t let it interfere with your own happiness. You need to forgive yourself for everything you think you’ve done wrong to that kid. Taehyung has already forgiven you; I expect you to do the same.”  
And with that, Manager Sejin left the room.

He crept stealthily up the stairs noticing most of the members were still asleep in their beds, and not wanting to disturb them, he managed to pass unnoticed. He made his way to the room the maknae line was staying in and casually opened the door. Knowing how difficult Taehyung was to awaken in the past, he was surprised to see him sitting up on his bed with Jimin and Jungkook still asleep in the adjacent bed.  
The manager quietly whistled for Taehyung’s attention from his phone, in which he was listening to something through headphones, and beckoned a finger for him to follow him out of the room as to not disturb the others.  
Taehyung swung his legs over and followed the manager out into the hallway, where he quietly closed the door behind him.  
“How was your sleep?” The manager asked kindly.  
“I stayed up playing games most of the night,” Taehyung admitted. His mind was too restless to get any restful sleep, so he tried to focus on video games to clear his mental distress.  
“Well, I’m here to get your weight to see where we’re at, currently. Please follow me to the other bathroom. There’s a scale in there.”  
Taehyung padded along behind the manager, resistant in his mind, but physically obeying his every command.  
They entered the bathroom and the manager closed the door behind him for some privacy. He brought the scale out to the middle of the floor so he could see the numbers clearly.  
“Please undress, Taehyung-ssi. You can leave your underwear on, but everything else needs removed.”  
Taehyung was embarrassed to have his bony body exposed next to the manager in the state he was in, even though he was used to undressing in front of the staff for every concert with costume changes in the past. But this was different; this wasn’t just a quick change for work- this was to see how bad he had let himself go.

Taehyung stepped on the scale and watched the numbers hit triple digits before teetering between a few numbers after the decimal.  
“102.6 pounds, Taehyung-ssi,” Manager Sejin read, sounding disappointed with the number. Even despite the American scale not displaying in metric measurements, both males knew the number was severely low.  
“You may get dressed now.”  
Taehyung hurriedly replaced his clothes to hide his body once again, while the manager took a seat on the lidded toilet.  
“How is your head- do you have a headache?” Manager Sejin asked, referencing coming off of the Amphetamines.  
Taehyung shook his head minimally, “it’s alright.”  
The manager released a long, slow sigh, expressing annoyance with Taehyung’s current health.  
“Did you eat last night with the other members?”  
“Jin-Hyung made me rice and roasted sweet potatoes.”  
“Did you eat everything?”  
“Most of it,” Taehyung said feeling a wave of guilt blanket over him out of nowhere.  
“Did you keep it down?”  
“Yes,” Taehyung responded, nearly whispering the answer. He felt embarrassed to sense the manager finding it necessary to question him like a guilty party in a police interrogation; though, he had reason and wasn’t out of line to ask.  
“Did you feel sick at all during the night?”  
“Maybe a little.”  
“Well, Taehyung-ssi, it’s going to be difficult to tell if any nausea is stemming from your illness, withdrawing from the pills, or simply allowing your digestion to adjust to having food again. But it’s commendable that you are taking steps in the right direction.”  
Taehyung bobbed his head in acknowledgement to what the manager had to say, but he couldn’t help feel annoyed with himself that he was being applauded for the simple task of eating. It was a basic necessity that people did everyday and never received any accolades for attempting. He felt as though his timid, milquetoast persona made him appear childlike to the manager now; someone that had to be taken care of.  
“Taehyung-ssi, your health is my main concern at the moment. I would resign from my position as manager just to ensure you were doing well in life to show you how much I care. I don’t need you to get better for the sake of the group; I want you to get better because you’re worth it. I understand you don’t want to make anymore hospital visits, but it’s the only way to get your health back to where it was before all this occurred. I mean it when I say, if you need anything, please let someone know. Everything is currently on hold, so everyone is available at a moment’s notice. Please use those lifelines when the time arises and you need something from us. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.”  
The manager paused his kind words to notice Taehyung’s head lowered and glistening pearls of sadness falling from his hazy brown eyes.  
“Come here, Taehyung-ssi,” Manager Sejin said, getting up from his seated position and holding his arms open for Taehyung to enter his personal space.   
Taehyung felt frozen as he allowed the manager’s towering stature to offer a consoling hug, conveying his love for the member.   
“Is there something you’re not telling me, Taehyung-ssi?” The manager lifted the veil and exposed Taehyung’s hinderance.  
He felt the boy stiffen in his grip, giving him the idea Taehyung was, in fact, hiding something.  
He released Taehyung and took a step back to send a professional glare to get the younger to speak.  
“What is it?”  
“Ummm, I-I...” Taehyung stuttered feeling uncomfortable speaking to Manager Sejin about this personal issue.  
“Did you do something you weren’t supposed to last night?” The manager asked, signifying that he wasn’t going to drop the subject.  
“No! I did everything I was asked of,” Taehyung forced his words out, beginning to feel frustrated rather quickly.  
“Are you wanting the pills?” The manager quietly asked like it should be a secret kept between them.  
Taehyung froze feeling like the manager was able to read him like an open book.  
“I feel really depressed and angry all of a sudden and I can’t stop thinking about them.”  
“That’s the withdrawals from the effects they have on you. You’re going to feel miserable, and your mind is going to make you crave them so you’ll be more likely to seek them out and take them.”  
The manager hindered his words for a moment to allow Taehyung to understand what he was saying.  
“Please do not seek out those urges once we’re back in Korea. I mean it, Taehyung-ssi. Those drugs are very dangerous and you can have a heart attack during a dance rehearsal, or a concert if your adrenaline gets too high. We can look into counseling once we return to Korea if you find it too difficult to stay sober.”  
Taehyung found it odd hearing those types of vocabulary being thrown out. ‘Sober’ and ‘counseling’ are terms you hear when talking about an addict; but he wasn’t an addict- he was a professional; an idol.  
“Are you afraid, Taehyung-ssi?” The manager asked while eying the younger whom was fidgeting awkwardly, waiting for his chance to leave.  
“About what?” Taehyung wasn’t quite sure on what portion of the discussion the manager was referencing now.  
“About anything. What are you afraid of?”  
“A lot,” Taehyung hindered with his admittance.  
“What exactly? Please elaborate.” The manager had an expression of concern cascade over his face, revealing the more humanesque, fatherly side.  
“I don’t know how to go back to being who I was before I got sick. I’m afraid to eat anything since I don’t want to experience that pain again. I’m afraid I won’t know how to function without the pills providing me with energy for our hectic work schedule. I’m afraid I’ve disappointed everyone that knows me in so many ways...” Taehyung trailed off with his last fear, feeling this one hurt the most. Between the staff, his hyungs, the maknae, his family, and ARMY, he had fallen from glory at a rapid rate and didn’t deserve to be an idolized figure in the spotlight anymore.  
“Taehyung-ssi, I want you to stop living with the hope of returning to the you that is now in the past. You’re now going to have to learn to live with an illness for the time being, you’re going to have to rebuild everyone’s trust around you, and you’re going to have to live knowing that you nearly hit rock bottom. This is your opportunity to rebuild relationships and reinvent yourself into somebody you appreciate. Get the testing done now, so you can move on from this fiasco and continue with your acting career and making music. Right now, you can choose to either ignore this part of your life, or you can make something better out of it; write it down. Compose music. Tell your story for others to hear that may be going through the same situation.   
“Being afraid shows that we are human. You can run from it, or take control of it. I trust you’ll make the right decision.”  
The manager clapped his hands gently against Taehyung’s shoulders.  
“Please eat with the members again today. Our flight will happen soon enough, and then we’ll arrange your schedule for a doctor visit.  
“Take care, Taehyung-ssi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week’s upload is a day early due to a hectic schedule happening beginning early tomorrow. Enjoy.


	22. Jamais Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manager Sejin returned to the group that was eagerly waiting for the news on Taehyung.  
> “They finally found what’s been ailing Taehyung-ssi,” Sejin spoke with great relief.  
> All eyes widened in a whirlwind of elations and mystery; both curious of the diagnosis, and the overwhelming burden finally lifted towards all their troubles.
> 
> ——————  
> The long awaited answer to the question on everybody’s mind: what is making Taehyung sick?

After speaking with the manager, Taehyung returned to his room and crawled swiftly into the empty bed. He caught sight of Jimin hugging himself in a tight ball while Jungkook was sprawled out on his stomach taking up the majority of the bed; both still sound asleep to the noises of the awakening world.  
The second youngest pulled a pillow to his chest, and slowly drifted back to sleep with a pounding in his head.

“Taehyungie.... Taehyungie...... are you awake?”  
Taehyung’s dry eyelids snapped open, revealing bloodshot whites with a doe eyed stare as he was startled awake from his deep sleep.  
He looked towards the edge of the bed and saw Jin hovering over him with his large frame. He quickly relaxed after perceiving his Hyung was the reason for the abrupt transition into consciousness after seeing his hyung’s handsome morning bare face.  
“Taehyungie, it’s almost noon.”  
Taehyung rolled away in the bed, not wanting to be awake. He had a splitting headache and felt like he was going to throw up if he sat forward.  
“Taehyung-Ah, come on and have something to eat with me. What do you want? I’ll make it for you.” Jin pulled the covers from Taehyung’s thin figure huddled in a ball to expose his body to the frigid nip in the air.  
Taehyung scooted further from Jin’s reach in an effort to be left alone to sleep off his debilitating headache.  
“Taehyungie,” Jin called, crawling onto the bed that was now askew with the covers laying haphazardly. He curled around Taehyung’s childlike fetal position, leaning on his elbow and craning over the younger’s torso to try to see his sleeping face.  
“Taehyung-Ah?” Jin called a second time, swiping his hand across Taehyung’s cheek before suddenly inhibiting his own movements with a striking realization. He placed the back of his hand against Taehyung’s forehead, and then moved it against his neck, just under his chin. He was alarmingly warm to the touch with tiny beads of sweat glistening on his tan skin.  
“Taehyungie, are you feeling alright?” Jin asked worriedly.  
“I have a really bad headache and feel sick,” Taehyung hazily responded to the elder.  
“Where’s Jiminie?” Taehyung asked with a drowse in his voice.  
“He went to the art museum with Namjoon-ah a little while ago,” Jin answered as he raked his slender fingers through Taehyung’s hair.  
“Taehyungie, I’m going to call a manager to take you to the hospital. You look very ill.”  
Taehyung didn’t dispute anything Jin said, which worried the elder even more. Normally the younger would relinquish the fight, saying he was completely fine, but he just accepted what the eldest decided without argument.

After Jin hung up from speaking with one of the staff members, he returned his focus to the sick boy laying in bed.  
“Taehyungie, do you want some water?” Jin was sitting upright with his leg running parallel to the younger’s back while he softly brushed his fingers through Taehyung’s hair to comfort him. He could feel the warmth resonating through the multiple layers of fabric and igniting heat on his leg pressing against Taehyung’s body.  
“No,” Taehyung throatily moaned with his discomfort.  
“You didn’t take anything, did you?” Jin asked, worried the younger would feel disheartened finding out he could no longer be trusted, but Jin found it necessary to ask for the sake of his health.  
Taehyung shook his head, but ceased at once when he felt the pounding in his skull increase from the jostling movement.  
“Do you need anything right now?”  
Taehyung began to speak with a sense of urgency, “I think I’m going to throw up.”  
“Okay, come on,” Jin grabbed Taehyung’s side, under his armpit, to hoist him up into his arms and hastily walked to the bathroom connected to the room. He could feel Taehyung’s dead weight in his arms, despite being so thin, as he made it to the bathroom just in time to lift the lid of the toilet.  
He allowed Taehyung’s legs to dangle while he waited for him to catch his footing, nearly falling just to get to the porcelain bowl quick enough to expel the contents of his stomach.  
Jin squatted behind Taehyung and rubbed his back while he listened to the younger retch and dry heave until nothing was left but exhaustion and tear filled eyes.  
He briefly flicked his eyes into the bowl as he reached for the handle to flush away the aftermath, only to notice the liquid was now deep, dark brown filth staining the bowl.  
“Taehyung, did you eat anything?”  
Taehyung shook his head as he leaned against the bowl from sheer exhaustion.  
“When was the last time you ate?” He was hoping the color was from the previous thing the younger ate, but his stomach would have been empty by now.  
“Sweet potato and rice you made me,” Taehyung breathily gasped his response.

Jin watched as Taehyung gasped for breath while leaning on his arm, hunkering over the toilet in exhaustion. It was too reminiscent of the time he found the boy in the same position, doing the same thing. He felt completely alone this time, knowing everyone was out of the house exploring the nearby cities.  
“Don’t worry, Taehyungie, the manager will be here soon and then you can go to the hospital. Just hang on for me, okay?”  
He stood up to grab the hand towel and proceeded to run it under cold water. This was too much like deja vu right now. He was reliving his nightmare and couldn’t wake up. Fortunately, Taehyung was still conscious, and the staff was on their way to help. But he was still frightened that the events would take a turn for the worst.  
Jin knelt back down next to Taehyung and wiped his mouth clean for him. He wiped the cold cloth across Taehyung’s face, soaking up the sweat running down his clammy skin, and then held it against the younger’s neck near his pulse point to cool him down quicker.  
“My stomach really hurts,” Taehyung croaked, nearly bringing himself to tears trying to hold in the pain.  
“Is it the pain, or nausea?” Jin asked.  
“It’s that stabbing pain. I feel like I can’t breathe,” Taehyung’s dark eyes looked scared as he spoke.  
“Here,” Jin said grabbing onto Taehyung’s hand that was clinging to the bowl, “squeeze my hand when the pain is too much.” Jin knew Taehyung had the strongest grip strength, but he was willing to sacrifice his comfort if it helped ease Taehyung’s suffering a bit.  
Taehyung began squeezing tighter as he winced in excruciating pain. Jin assumed the pain Taehyung was causing from his grip was nowhere near as bad as he was experiencing in his gut.  
“Are you doing okay? Do you feel like you’re going to pass out or anything?”  
“I can’t breathe,” Taehyung gasped.  
“Okay. Do you want me to reposition you? What do you need, Taehyung?” Jin was beginning to panic. He didn’t want Taehyung to faint and leave him alone without help. At least if he was awake, he could calm his nerves that Taehyung wasn’t as bad as before. He just needed him to be awake.  
Taehyung continued to gasp and Jin felt his grip loosen in his palm.  
“Taehyung? Please don’t faint! I need you awake with me!” Jin pulled Taehyung to his chest and lifted the boy’s chin to elongate his airway.  
“Breathe in, Taehyung,” he shifted Taehyung’s body so his torso wasn’t being compressed like it was when he was hunched over the bowl.

This was just like last time.

They were in this very position.

It was happening again.

“Are you still with me, Taehyung?” Jin called feeling the panic overwhelm him.  
Taehyung gripped onto Jin’s pantleg and pulled at the fabric in a balled fist to fight the pain he was enduring. He wriggled and kicked his feet in agony, but nothing was making the pain subside.  
“It hurts so bad, Hyung!” Taehyung tearfully cried as his mouth altered to a squareful wince as he grinned and bared the excruciating pain.  
“I know! I know! I’m sorry, Taehyung! Here,” Jin reached for Taehyung’s fist that was pinching the fabric of his pantleg, “I’m right here. Just hold my hand, okay? I got you.”  
Taehyung writhed against Jin’s broad chest as the pain became unbearable. His feet scraped the floor as he kicked, trying to control the tension his entire body was creating.  
“I can’t take it! Hyung, it hurts so bad!” Taehyung practically growled the words between gasps and labored breaths unable to tolerate everything happening.  
“I don’t know what to do!” Jin began to cry in self defeat. There was nothing further he could do to help the sick boy.  
“I’m so sorry, Taehyungie! I’m sorry!” Jin just kept repeating his sorrow aloud without a thought. He wanted to help, but the fact of the matter, Taehyung was on his own at this point. Nobody could help take away his pain until he made it to the hospital.

Jin quickly pulled out his cellphone and dialed the manager’s number.  
“Jin-ssi?” Manager Sejin responded after accepting the call.  
“Please get here quick! Taehyung isn’t doing well!”  
The manager could hear the urgency in Jin’s quaking voice and could have sworn he heard the underlying tears coming out in the desperate tone.  
“I’m almost there. Just remain calm and tell me what’s happening,” The manager tried not to sound alarmingly worried over the phone, especially since he was driving on the freeway towards the accommodations.  
“I woke up Taehyungie and he felt very warm. He said he felt sick and ended up throwing up dark liquid that looked like coffee grounds. Now he’s saying he’s having trouble breathing.”  
“Okay, ill go ahead and call for an ambulance. I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”  
“He’s in so much pain!” Jin hollered with his ever growing pleas.  
“I’m coming! Call me back if he gets any worse.”  
“Okay, thank you,” Jin barely got the ‘thank you’ out before hearing the call drop from the manager.

“How are you doing, Taehyungie?” Jin asked, making sure Taehyung was still conscious. The stress made his fingers shake as he glided a hand through Taehyung’s hair.  
“Is a manager coming?” Taehyung gasped with his labored breath.  
“Yeah, Sejin-Hyung is coming; he’s almost here. He’s calling an ambulance for you.”  
“My stomach hurts,” Taehyung said as he mindlessly lifted his shirt to show the invisible pain hidden beneath his tan skin.  
Taehyung was past the point of exhaustion, nearly ready to slip into an unconscious state from the amount of excruciating pain he just endured. His body was shutting down and his mind wanted a break from the agonizing hurt the world had handed him.  
“I know- I know,” Jin pulled the hem of Taehyung’s shirt back down to cover his abdomen once again. He placed his hand against the puffy, inflamed flesh protruding up from Taehyung’s sunken stomach.  
“Does this feel better?” Jin remembered Taehyung mentioning the pain lessening when he pressed intently on the cantankerous spot in question.  
Even though Taehyung was in dire need of pain management, he nodded slowly so Jin would feel at ease, despite not feeling a difference with the pressure applied. He felt too much and his body and mind couldn’t bare an ounce more. 

“Where’s Jiminie?” Taehyung asked once again, sounding sluggish through his rasping breathy words.  
“You asked earlier. He’s at the museum with Namjoon-ah. Don’t you remember?” Jin was worried Taehyung was lost in his delirium and was slipping out of consciousness. “Do you want me to call him so you can talk to him?” Jin thought if Taehyung was focusing on the conversation with his friend, he’d stay awake long enough until the ambulance, or manager arrived. Any form of distraction would have to be better than just enduring this life.  
“Okay,” Taehyung gasped. His breathing was beginning to slow, but was now sounding congested, like he had a buildup of fluid in his airway.

Jin picked up his phone again and dialed Jimin’s number.  
“Jimin-Ah,” Jin said into the phone after connecting before Jimin even made a sound.  
“Hyung? What’s wrong?!” Jimin could hear the panicked tone emitting from the speaker.  
“Jimin-Ah, can you listen for a few minutes?”  
“What’s wrong?! Is everything okay?!” Jimin repeated.  
“Taehyungie is sick and Sejin-Hyung is on his way to take him to the hospital. He was asking for you, so can you please keep him talking until someone gets here?”  
“Taehyungie is sick?”  
“Yes, please talk to him so he stays awake. I can’t have him passing out on me. Please just keep him talking!”  
“Okay, Hyung.”  
“Here he is-“  
“.....”  
“.....”  
“Jiminie?”  
Jimin was taken aback by the sound of Taehyung’s deep voice coming through his phone.  
“Taehyung, you’re not feeling well?”  
“Are you at the art museum?”  
“Yeah, I came here with Namjoon-Hyung.”  
“Is it pretty?”  
“Yeah, Taehyungie. It’s beautiful.” Jimin strived hard to keep his voice leveled to prevent Taehyung from hearing his worry.  
“I wanted to see it.”  
“We can come back together, okay? You’ll love it here. I promise.”  
“Okay.”  
“How are you feeling? Jin-Hyung said you were sick.”  
“My stomach....”  
“Your stomach’s hurting?”  
“Yeah. I threw up.”  
“Oh no, Taehyungie. Did you eat something?”  
“No.”  
“When did you start feeling sick?”  
“Not long ago.”  
“Does it feel like the time you went to the hospital?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Make sure you let Jin-Hyung know you’re there for him. He sounded worried,” Jimin joked, his only defense when a tough situation arose.  
“Okay.”  
“Is anybody else at the house?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“I’m gonna see you at the hospital, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
“Namjoon-Hyung and I are leaving the museum now.”  
“Did you see everything?”  
“Huh?”  
“Did you see all of the art?”  
“.....”  
“Yeah, Taehyungie. Every last one of them,” Jimin was lying, but he couldn’t bare having his friend tell him to stay while he was ill, especially after asking for him, specifically.  
“You’re not feeling tired or anything are you? Jin-Hyung is worried you’re going to fall asleep on him.”  
“I want to. It hurts so bad, I want to sleep until it stops.” Taehyung had reached the penultimate stage of pain he could tolerate before the mind desired to slip from reality.  
“I know, Taehyungie. But you have to stay awake for Jin-Hyung. He’s going to get really scared if you fall asleep.”  
“I’m afraid.”  
Those two words struck Jimin deep in the heart. “Me too, Taehyungie. I hope the doctors can figure out what’s wrong this time. I don’t want you to be sick anymore. It scares me knowing this could happen at any moment.”  
“It only happens when I eat.”  
“I know. But I’m so happy you’ve been eating again. We’ll have to go back to the comic book cafe again so we can try more of the dishes they had on the menu. We can read a new series together. What do you say?”  
“......”  
“Taehyungie? Are you still there?”  
“......”  
“Taehyung?”  
“......”  
“Taehyung?! Please say something.”

Jimin could almost make out Jin’s voice echoing through the phone line, but it was inaudible what his words were in the background.  
A rustle could be heard as the phone passed from hand to hand that Jimin could make out beyond the electronic piece he held to his ear; Jin finally spoke into his end of the line, “Jimin-ah, Sejin-Hyung just got here, so I’m going to hang up. Thank you for speaking with Taehyungie while we waited.”  
“I’ll meet you at the hospital, Hyung.”  
“Okay. I have to go now.”  
“Hyung!” Jimin quickly shouted out.  
“Yeah?”  
“Please take care of Taehyung; he’s scared.”  
“I know, Jiminie; I am too.”  
And with that, both parties ended the call.

Manager Sejin came running to the bathroom and spotted both boys on the floor; Taehyung laying in between Seokjin’s legs with his head on his thigh, breathing heavily while he weakly held onto the phone, and Jin careening over the young one, rubbing his shaking fingers through Taehyung’s long hair.  
Without saying a word, Manager Sejin hastily entered the room and knelt down beside Taehyung.  
“Taehyung? How are you feeling?” He spoke more fatherly with a level tone, than a business personality while communicating with the second youngest during this vexing moment.  
Taehyung opened his heavy, maroon lidded eyes to peer up at his manager. He was struggling for breath, and his chest ached with every raspy inhale and fluttering exhale. Beads of sweat dotted his skin and he was limp with exhaustion everywhere except his heaving chest. He laid the phone onto his abdomen, forgetting he was having a conversation with his friend.  
“Is it your stomach, or did you take something after I left?”  
Taehyung could no longer speak amidst his heavy inhales; instead, he lackadaisically shook his head, unable to voice his answer.  
“You didn’t take anything?” The manager confirmed the head shake as he felt Taehyung’s thin fingers wrap around his arm for a solace peace of mind.  
Taehyung made a slight nod in response.  
Seokjin lifted Taehyung forward with Sejin’s help so he could free his leg and finish the phone conversation with Jimin while the manager was helping the younger.  
Manager Sejin tilted Taehyung’s head back to open his airway better, but he still couldn’t breathe with the crushing weight he felt in his chest.  
“Is it your stomach?”  
Taehyung tapped Sejin’s arm like a version of Morse Code to tell him he was correct. He then moved to point to the left side of his abdomen, just below his ribs to locate the spot that was harming him.  
Manager Sejin lifted Taehyung’s shirt and noticed his abdomen ballooning out against the rest of his concave stomach.  
“This is where it’s hurting?” Sejin asked as he cautiously placed his hand flat against the distended skin.  
Taehyung nodded and placed his hand on top of his managers, pressing down slightly to feel the pressure.  
Jin hung up the phone conversation with Jimin and spoke respectfully to the manager, “he says pressure makes it hurt less.”  
Sejin bowed an acknowledgement and then looked back at Taehyung. He placed his hand against the younger’s forehead, brushing his bangs back as he steadied his hand, but continued to rub the skin with his calloused thumb.  
“The ambulance is on it’s way to take you to the hospital. The paramedics will stop your pain soon enough.” Manager Sejin assumed they’d give Taehyung some sort of pain killer to alleviate the ache in his abdomen, similar to the events that occurred previously when he first became ill.  
“Taehyung, You didn’t do anything after I left, did you? It’s alright if you did, but I need to know right now so I can tell the doctors when we get to the hospital.”  
“I didn’t...” Taehyung deeply exhaled.  
“Are you being honest right now?” Sejin worried Taehyung may be lying due to past circumstance, but it was very important to disclose any information to the hospital so he could get the adequate treatment he needed.  
“I promise.... I just went.... back .... to bed...”  
“Okay,” Sejin said as he rubbed Taehyung’s hair in a fatherly manner, “I believe you.”

The paramedics arrived and Sejin let them in to ascertain the situation upstairs. They immediately intubated Taehyung to help him breathe better. Sejin explained Taehyung’s recent medical history to better indicate what the paramedics were dealing with in regards to his current state of suffering. They prepped an IV and began a drip of morphine to alleviate the pain.  
They strapped him onto the gurney and wheeled him to the awaiting ambulance to take him to the hospital.  
Seokjin rode upfront in the ambulance while Sejin seated himself in the back next to the paramedic, whom was busying himself with the ventilation bag to help Taehyung breathe.

After arriving at the hospital, Taehyung was quickly taken back to an emergency room to see the doctors on call.  
They abruptly removed his clothing while getting the details from the paramedics. The nurses moved Taehyung to a bed to free up the gurney for the paramedics to take back with them.  
Seokjin and Manager Sejin we’re instructed to stay in the waiting room if the doctors had more questions, and to receive the news of the diagnosis once known.

After several hours of hearing nothing from the residents, the waiting room was now filled with familiar Korean faces alongside Seokjin and Manager Sejin.  
Namjoon and Jimin were the first to arrive after receiving the phone call from Jin, followed by Hoseok and Jungkook from their luncheon, after swinging by the hotel to pick up Yoongi whom was working on his music with a staff member until receiving the call himself.  
With no word on Taehyung’s current condition, Sejin couldn’t inform the group how their band mate was fairing.

———————

“Hi, are you with Mr. Kim?” A friendly doctor, named Dr. Mike, came out from the emergency room doors to the waiting room full of foreign faces.  
Sejin stood up to greet the doctor and shook his hand. Fortunately, the manager was fluent in English and was able to speak clearly with the physician in regards to Taehyung’s health.  
“Yes, I’m his manager.”  
“He’s doing okay, he’s stable now. We had to operate to remove his gallbladder that was full of gallstones. One of the stones actually blocked the biliary duct and caused an acute pancreatitis flare up, resulting in it becoming inflamed and swelling into his chest cavity, compressing his lungs to the point where he couldn’t receive enough oxygen.  
“He’s currently sedated from the pain, but you can go back to see him now. We’re going to periodically come in to check the condition of his pancreas, but while it’s inflamed, we’ll keep him under sedation for the pain.”  
“When will he recover?”  
“It’s hard to determine at this point in time. Some people recover on their own after a few hours, but due to the complications with the gallbladder, it could be longer. Right now it’s just touch and go.”  
“With his gallbladder removed, this won’t happen again, correct?”  
“You said he was hospitalized several months ago with similar symptoms, but those doctors didn’t diagnose pancreatitis?”  
“Yes, sir. We just found out he’s been getting sick off and on ever since, as well.”  
“With more than a few attacks, that could become chronic pancreatitis, meaning he’s going to live with this for the rest of his life. Dietary changes can help keep the chances of a flare up from happening, but there’s always a chance he could become sick one day for no reason.”  
“Why does this happen? What’s wrong with his pancreas?”  
“When a person eats, the pancreas releases enzymes to break down the macronutrients. The enzymes activate after leaving the pancreas; but in Mr. Kim’s case, the enzymes activate inside the pancreas and breaks down the organ, which is irreparable. It’s quite painful according to my patients that have gone through similar experiences. His pancreas is basically being destroyed whenever this occurs, to put in layman terms.  
“Now, I can’t absolutely say whether or not the gallbladder was responsible for the pancreatitis in the first place, or if it was just a coincidence that both occurred simultaneously; I mean, he could have had a pancreatitis attack and a gallstone blockage without there being a link between them. So like I said, we’ll just have to keep checking to see if removing the gallbladder also fixes the issue with his pancreas. Only time will tell.”  
“I understand.”  
“Just follow up with his physician to keep a constant eye on everything and he should be okay.”  
Sejin nodded and then looked back at the crew he had with him, eagerly waiting to hear news of their friend.  
“How many visitors can he have at a time?”  
“He’s actually setup in a bigger room, so I’d say you can all go back. But he’s most likely going to be asleep for awhile to come.”  
“Thank you, Sir,” Sejin said, “I’l inform them of his status right away, and then we’ll be ready to go back.”  
“No rush; take as much time as you need. When you’re ready, just tell one of the nurses and they’ll direct you to his room.”  
The doctor held out his hand, and Sejin lightly shook it out of foreign respect.

Manager Sejin returned to the group that was eagerly waiting for the news on Taehyung.  
“They finally found what’s been ailing Taehyung-ssi,” Sejin spoke with great relief.  
All eyes widened in a whirlwind of elations and mystery; both curious of the diagnosis, and the overwhelming burden finally lifted towards all their troubles.  
“He had emergency surgery to remove his gallbladder which was full of stones and caused a blockage. It then attacked his pancreas, which swelled against his lungs making him unable to breathe.”  
“Poor Taehyungie,” Jimin exclaimed, still upset that he wasn’t able to be with his friend after finding out he was asking for him while he was going through so much.  
“He’s going to be okay, right?” Jungkook asked with worry lingering in his soft voice.  
“Can we see him?” Jimin abruptly blurted out.  
“Yes. He’s recovering now so they have him sedated. Apparently he’s in a lot of pain, so they’re going to keep him asleep until his pancreas calms down.”  
“So he’ll be back to normal once his pancreas heals itself?” Seokjin asked, hoping for the best that Taehyung could get back to his life before this occurred.  
“The doctor said he is unsure if removing Taehyung-ssi’s gallbladder would help, or if it was a coincidence that both acted up at the same time. But we can only wait, and hope for the best for Taehyung-ssi’s health to improve.”  
“Can we all see him?” Hoseok asked with an unusual solemn tone, unbeknownst to the world where he projected such an elated personality.  
“I’d like to visit him alone, first. I know you’re all greatly worried for him, but I’d like a moment.”  
The group didn’t object to the manager’s proposal. The members understood his intentions were well, and he only had Taehyung’s best interest at heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we have an answer, but the story is nowhere close to the climax.  
> Stick around for future chapters when lives are turned upside down from a single event no one saw coming.  
> 💜  
> The story is currently on hiatus until January 2020. Rest assured, it is not abandoned.


	23. Outro: Ego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It will be okay. I’ll help you every step of the way. Learn to lean on the strengths of the other members and the staff and you’ll get through this.”

The somber manager followed the corridor towards Taehyung’s room. He creaked the door open and saw the young man asleep in the hospital bed. He had a tube under his nose providing fresh oxygen for his lungs while he slept with an IV drip steadily flowing into his vasodilated veins. The rhythmic beat of his heart rate sung softly through his monitor with wires dangling off the side of the bed adhering to his thin chest, and casually exposing his, unusually, pale skin to the atmosphere.  
Sejin slowly stepped forward until he reached the side of the bed. The dark circles under Taehyung’s lidded eyes caused him immense grief; the whole sight was much to take in at the moment.   
He lifted the warmed blanket and readjusted it to cover Taehyung’s chest from the chilly, air conditioned room.  
He pulled the chair next to the bed and seated himself next to the sleeping boy. With trembling hands, he curled his fingers around Taehyung’s cold hand poking out from the blanket’s warmth.  
“I am sorry you had to go through this,” he began to speak, holding his composure to prevent his voice from quaking. “The other members are very worried for your well being..... we all are, actually. They’re waiting to see you, but I wanted to say some things before they came back. Whether you can hear me or not, I believe these words will heal us both.  
“I don’t tell you enough how much you mean to the people in your life. As your manager, I have to take on a more professional role and I fail to show emotion during times when appropriate. But you brighten up my life when I am with you. Your childish nature allows me to briefly forget my professionalism and reminds me of the youthful needs to just be happy.....  
“I want you to be happy again, Taehyung. Your smile has disappeared. But I promise you, I will work tirelessly for it to return to your face. You have suffered in silence to allow the group to prosper, but while everyone was benefitting from the endless concerts, performances, and appearances, you were just trying to survive each day. With everyone that works so closely with you, someone should have stepped in sooner. I take the blame, as well. I saw your appearance change and didn’t say anything to you. I saw footage from the editors that they cut from film because of your gaunt appearance. The stylists mentioned taking in your costumes often.  
“....and yet, I never came to you.”  
Sejin paused momentarily to wipe the moisture accumulating at his nose.  
“I’m deeply apologetic towards you, Taehyung. I was in denial that something was wrong. But, I will do better from now on, making your health, and the other members’ health, top priority. I won’t allow anything to be dismissed that my fellow staff mates bring to my attention.  
“Though I express that you can always come to me if you need something, I understand your drive to do your best for your fans. I feel the exhausting effects, as well, during our travels, so I understand how tiring it must be trying to find the energy to perform on top of that.  
“This time of rest for you and the other boys is necessary after having to endure so much this year. I really hope you do see this as beneficial and not as a punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong, so there was no need to reprimand you in anyway. I am very disappointed you sought out the use of illegal drugs, but under the circumstances for the desire to keep your energy up, I understand everything. Just please,” Sejin clasped Taehyung’s thin hand against his chest as he looked up to the heavens, “please don’t ever take those pills again. With your health so fragile and your body so frail, we are all so lucky you did not suffer a heart attack while performing.”  
Sejin placed his warm palm gently against the side of Taehyung’s face, softly rubbing his fingertips against his hairline as he gazed with a fatherly love at the sleeping boy.   
“It will be okay. I’ll help you every step of the way. Learn to lean on the strengths of the other members and the staff and you’ll get through this.”  
Sejin pulled Taehyung’s limp wrist to his lips and delivered a dry peck to his fingertips.  
“I love you, my boy,” Sejin quietly whispered.  
Sejin, in astounding disbelief, felt the long nimble fingers gently applying pressure against the skin of his hand.  
“Taehyung-ssi?!” Sejin exclaimed in a quiet tone. Was it reality he felt, or just his hope playing tricks within the labyrinth of his mind?  
“Taehyung-ssi?” Sejin said once more as he pressed his hand against the crown of Taehyung’s head.  
Sejin felt another squeeze from the fingers slowly curling around his own.  
“Taehyung? Can you hear me?” Sejin asked.  
He remembered the doctor saying Taehyung would be asleep for several hours as a result of the anesthesia still waning, and the pain killer administered earlier.  
Sejin watched as Taehyung’s eyelashes flitted hazily on still heavily lidded eyes, and the beat of the monitor hastened as the pulse slowly increased in a creeping manner.  
“Taehyung, if you can hear what I’m saying, go ahead and squeeze with your hand.”   
Sejin tenderly constricted his palm to let the sleeping boy understand which hand to use.  
He felt the response of pressure gingerly being amassed against his skin as he smiled with tears breaking free.  
Sejin had been so worried seeing the state Taehyung was in when he arrived at the accommodations, barely retaining consciousness while being cradled in Seokjin’s arms, that he felt an overwhelming amount of emotions flood his mind like a tsunami wave. He choked on a sob he attempted to suppress, still remaining quiet in the darkened hospital room.  
“Taehyung?”  
Taehyung’s facial muscles began to show movement as the blood prickled through his sleeping body. Sejin watched a rippled wave run across the thin skin of Taehyung’s eyelids as the balls rotated underneath.  
“Hm!”  
A quick sound emanated from Taehyung’s dried, chapped lips, and Sejin felt the pressure increasing as the thin fingers curled tighter. He watched Taehyung’s crow’s feet scatter near his eyes with a pained expression as the muscles in his cheeks raised and tightened.  
“Taehyung?” Sejin’s tone altered from elated happiness and relief to one of mixed worry and postulating queries.  
“Huh!”  
Taehyung exhaled a pained note as the muscles in his neck began to awaken and stir. He methodically pressed his crown against the pillow, increasing the anguished wince in his contorted facial appearance.  
“Taehyung, are you okay?” Sejin drastically increased his worry watching Taehyung stirring in his awakening haze.   
He quickly reached out and pressed the ‘Call’ button on the handheld remote to get a nurse for help.  
“Mm!”  
The pitch in Taehyung’s painful moans accompanied the quickening pace of the rise and fall in his chest. His breathing reached a rapid hyperventilation, and a tear escaped from his tightly clenched eyes, running down his dry cheek, until taking up residence in the canal of his ear.  
“Shh-sh-shh,” Sejin hushed, brushing his warm hand against Taehyung’s chest, trying to cease the panic the boy was processing.  
“Taehyung! Squeeze my hand again if you can hear my voice.”  
Sejin didn’t feel a difference in the amount of pressure Taehyung was already forcing against his thick skin.  
“Ah!” Taehyung croaked in a higher decibel. His square mouth appeared to make an attempt to vocalize words, but as his tongue flicked against his teeth, no words could be formed with the burning dryness in his throat.  
A male nurse opened the door to Taehyung’s private room and proceeded to step in.  
“He’s waking up?” The nurse asked, noticing Taehyung’s tense posture and heavy breathing.  
“He began moving only a few moments ago, but he seems in pain,” Sejin responded.  
“He probably needs more pain management,” the nurse said, taking a moment to listen to Taehyung’s chest with his stethoscope. “I’m going to call the doctor and see if he wants to do an epidural analgesia.” The nurse wrapped his stethoscope back around his neck and walked hastily towards the exit. “I’ll be right back with the doctor.”

Sejin watched Taehyung continue to brace his body tensely for the pain he was feeling. Sejin felt helpless as he could only wait, callously rubbing the soft skin on Taehyung’s hand as it gripped tighter now.

The doctor entered the room and immediately went to Taehyung’s bedside to listen to his chest. Sejin noticed it was Dr. Mike, whom had delivered the news of Taehyung’s surgery.  
“He’s waking up sooner than expected, so he’s starting to feel the pain. Was he on any medications before this?”  
“He had been taking Amphetamines for several weeks, before I found out. But I don’t believe he’s taken them in the last day or so.”  
“It might be lessening the effects of the anesthesia, and causing his pain to be received more than usual. I’m going to administer an epidural catheter so we can manage his pain over the next few days.”  
The male nurse was bringing the utensils needed for the doctor to use for the procedure.   
“Will you help me rotate him,” Dr. Mike commanded the nurse.   
The two medical workers proceeded to roll Taehyung onto his side gently, while Sejin stood at the bedside ready to help in any way he could.  
Taehyung’s hand flopped onto the bed with the rotation and he subconsciously balled his fist from the surmounting pain, encapsulating the blanket in his grip to bear the hurt.  
“Huh!” Taehyung yelped with a sharp gasp resonating from his dry lips. Tears moistened his long eyelashes as he clenched tightly.  
Sejin placed his hand on top of Taehyung’s balling fist to let him know he was not alone in this endeavor.  
“Please hold him, Chris,” Dr. Mike instructed the nurse.  
The male nurse circled around to force Taehyung into the steady fetal position so his spinal chord jutted out better.  
“Ah!” Taehyung winced, becoming more aware of the motions dancing around him as he continued to battle the sleep away. Tears of pain seeped from his eyes as he sharply moaned aching sounds from his raw throat.  
“It’s okay, my boy. They’re going to help you,” Sejin spoke quietly to Taehyung as he bent low, almost as if he was delivering a secret no one else was meant to hear.  
“He may go back to sleep once the medicine gets into his system. He could just be waking up due to the pain from the procedure, but the anesthesia could also be wearing off sooner than expected from interference with the drugs still in his system.”  
Dr. Mike finished placing the catheter and administering the epidural analgesic with the epidural pump, which was going to continue relief for Taehyung while the pain persisted.  
Nurse Chris released Taehyung from his hold and replaced the blanket over his thin body after Dr. Mike finished taping the catheter in place.  
“The epidural should take effect fully within a half hour, but other than that, his vitals sound good. I’ll have Chris give him a dose of Ativan to ease the hyperventilation for now and in case he does wake up.” Dr. Mike moved the tubing connecting the catheter of the epidural pump so it didn’t get snagged by a nurse within the next few hours while it continuously delivered a dose of pain relievers.   
Sejin nodded and replaced his seating back at Taehyung’s bedside.  
Nurse Chris placed a needle into the IV port in Taehyung’s arm and administered the dose of anxiety medication.  
“Alright,” Nurse Chris began as he capped the dirty needle and tossed it in the biohazard waste bin, dropping his rubber gloves into the waste basket, “did you need anything else for now?”  
Sejin shook his head at the nurse’s kind bedside manner. “No, thank you.”  
“Okay then. Someone will be in later to check his vitals and change his IV.”  
Chris was near the door when he momentarily turned back, “were you ready to have the other family members come back?”  
Dr. Mike had informed the nurse Sejin was going to be visiting the patient, and to stay aware that the rest of the group would need to be told where to go when the manager was ready to have them back.  
“Yes, thank you.” Sejin didn’t look back at the nurse. He was watching Taehyung’s breathing begin to slow down from it’s rapid pace as the drugs started to take effect. He brushed his hand across the boy’s cheek to wipe the drying tears from his skin. Though the other members knew the dire situation, he didn’t want them to know the pain Taehyung was going through for some reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies I never updated the story sooner. I was battling my own, personal demons and had to leave for a bit to seek treatment.   
> My hope is to continue with the schedule I had previously with a new chapter coming out each weekend, but I cannot make any promises due to this still being very early in the recovery process. 
> 
> I hope you all are safe and well during these tough times, and I want you all to know how greatly I appreciate your constant companionship during the course of nearly a year now. I do hope these chapters will help to ease any mental stress you may be experiencing, but know that you’re not alone in this world. It’s okay to tell someone you’re not okay. Everyone breaks at some point; we’re only human.  
> Take care everyone.  
> You matter in this world and are the reason for someone’s smile.  
> I cherish every single one of you, even the silent readers.  
> 사랑해


	24. Fake Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does saying one thing to ease another’s worry, while commiserating secretly of doing the opposite, make someone a phony?  
> Taehyung felt like it did, and he felt fake for the indecisions happening in his mind.

It had been three days since Taehyung first entered the hospital for the removal of his diseased gallbladder. He no longer slept around the clock, but instead, spent the time reassuring his visitors that he was doing well and not to worry.  
Between managers, members, and staff, Taehyung was never alone; especially with the constant companionship Jimin showed by staying at his bedside nearly every moment, except when he left to shower at the rental property. 

Taehyung rolled onto his side in the early morning hours and felt the nudge against his skin as he pressed against a heavy object. He opened his tired eyes and saw Jimin sleeping peacefully on folded arms. His friend pursed his puffy lips as he dreamt, leaving Taehyung to wonder what he was experiencing; whether it was a dream or a nightmare.

Taehyung burrowed deeper in the bed to escape the chill in the room and cautiously crept his cold fingers near jimin. He wrapped his fingers over Jimin’s arm for comfort, but soon watched as Jimin stirred awake with a blissful stretch.  
“You’re awake, Taehyungie?” Jimin said after rubbing the sleep from his eyes and automatically grabbing Taehyung’s outstretched hand.  
“The doctors came in last night to remove the thing in your back,” Jimin explained, not remembering what Sejin told him it was called.  
“I remember them coming in, but I was exhausted and couldn’t speak for some reason,” Taehyung responded.  
“I think it was still dosing medicine, making you sleepy,” Jimin soothingly replied. “How are you feeling? Does your stomach hurt at all?”  
Taehyung had to take a moment to ponder the aches in his body. He didn’t feel sickeningly painful, but the dull ache was a nuisance for the time being.”  
“It’s not too bad, but I don’t know if the medicine is masking the pain for now.” Taehyung pressed his hand against his abdomen, but quickly retracted when he fingered the puffy skin under the sutures. He momentarily forgot about the removal of his organ, but suddenly moved his mind to the vain notion of developing a potential scar upon his body. He had to be careful when dressing, to avoid flowing shirts that could expose his torso to fans during concerts and live performances. This event had been kept under wraps so fans didn’t have to worry about the second youngest member. Left in the dark, ARMY was simply waiting patiently for the next upload from the members; whether a VLive stream, or the next episode of Run BTS. The fans were all Taehyung cared about at that moment.

“Sejin-hyung said we’re leaving for South Korea once you’re discharged from the hospital. He said we can still have our break so you can work on getting better without the stress of work getting in the way,” Jimin explained to his quiet friend. “I thought that was kind of nice for him to take your health into consideration most... he means well,” Jimin trailed off.  
Taehyung vaguely remembered hearing Sejin-hyung’s voice when he was first admitted to the hospital several days ago. Though he couldn’t open his eyes from the surge of morphine flowing through his veins, he could understand the words the manager spoke so passionately.  
“He is a good manager,” Taehyung admitted.

No words were exchanged while the two boys watched an animated tv program on the personal television plastered to the wall of Taehyung’s hospital room. Though they were not fluent in the English language like Namjoon, they were able to understand most of the plot based on visual context. They really just wanted the sound flowing through the air to break the silence of their racing, panicked thoughts; Jimin with worry of his friend, and Taehyung fighting the cravings of drug withdrawals from his amphetamine usage.

Dr. Mike knocked gently, but audibly against the doorframe of Taehyung’s room. Jimin naturally arose from his seated position next to Taehyung’s bedside, but the door slowly crept open before he could take a step.  
“It’s good to see you’re awake,” Dr. Mike mentioned as a second person entered the room behind him. “This is Dr. Hyeon-u; he’ll be our interpreter. Is it alright if he’s here for the assessment?” Dr. Mike didn’t have to ask, but he felt it was polite to consider their emotions as young men in a completely foreign country.  
Dr. Hyeon-u interpreted the request, and received a nod from both men.  
“How are you feeling today,” Dr. Mike asked as he moved to hover over Taehyung as he listened to his patient’s heart through the cold stethoscope.  
Taehyung spoke in short replies to the interpreter, knowing it was impolite to face away from the person conducting the interview.  
“Your heart sounds strong, your lungs sound clear and it seems you’re recovering well with the antibiotics.” Dr. Mike acknowledged as he administered the final dose of IV antibiotics himself, rather than ordering the nurse to do so in common hospital protocol. Taehyung would move on to oral antibiotics to keep any bacteria from causing future infections in the fresh sutures covering broken skin, and no longer needed the IV antibiotics since he was able to stay awake more regularly.  
“You’ll be able to be discharged tomorrow if we don’t see any complications regarding your pain management with the cholecystectomy,” Dr. Mike delivered the favorable news. “I’ll have the nurse come in to untangle you from some of these machines and bring you breakfast, alright,” Dr. Mike joked to Taehyung’s foreign ears.  
Jimin smirked generously after the interpreter repeated what the doctor had said, but Taehyung just gave a nod of acceptance with the situation, failing to make light of the joking manner.

Dr. Mike and Dr. Hyeon-u left Taehyung’s room after asking if either male needed anything, in which they received dual shakes as quiet responses.

Jimin waited for the door to close before he turned off the silenced television.  
“What are you going to do when we get back to Korea?” Jimin asked with ever growing curiosity.  
“Sejin-hyung says he’ll find a private practice therapist so there’s not a possibility of being photographed entering a rehabilitation program,” Taehyung spoke through dry, chapped lips.  
“Do you think that’s enough to I get better?” Jimin asked after finding out his friend had ceased to eat meals and was dabbling in the habitual use of narcotics.  
Taehyung looked at his friend by his bedside wanting to reassure him, but unable to predict his future actions was what kept him from speaking as it felt like a possible lie.  
Jimin curled his warm fingers around the lengthy hand of his friend and gripped it similar to a meaningful hug. “You don’t have to feel like you’re recovering on your own, Taehyungie.” Jimin looked sincerely at Taehyung’s dark rimmed eyes. “I’ll stay with you the whole time and we can work through everything together; we’re a team and nothing less.” Jimin paused to fight back the sudden tears prickling his senses, but continued speaking after a brief sniff. “You’re my best friend, Taehyungie, and anything you’re struggling with, I promise I will be there to share the burden and help ease your suffering.”  
Taehyung felt the pierce of honesty strike him low and hard deep in his chest. While he whole heartedly appreciated Jimin’s compassion and empathy, he was apathetic for the help being offered. He was fearful of becoming sick again since the doctors couldn’t fully diagnose him as healthy, despite the removal of an organ. He wanted to continue the learned techniques of starvation to cope with the uncertainties of future possibilities of the recurring illness.

Taehyung looked at his friend and flicked a crooked, forced smile in hopes Jimin wouldn’t feel disheartened at the imposter sitting before him with the toxic thoughts dancing in his mind. 

Does saying one thing to ease another’s worry, while commiserating secretly of doing the opposite, make someone a phony?  
Taehyung felt like it did, and he felt fake for the indecisions happening in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may seem shorter than previous chapters, but until I can get back into the habit of a proper schedule, this length is manageable during this time.
> 
> I thank you for your constant support and appreciate the time you spend reading each chapter. I hope you feel inspired to express yourself through creative outlets and feel the love the world has to offer.
> 
> I’d love the chance to see the art you create, whether in writing, music, art, or designing and witness the beauty within.  
> Though a little unprofessional, tag me on Instagram at _mybutt_ for that chance.  
> I can’t wait to see your creativity flow.
> 
> Stay healthy my friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Weekly chapters will be uploaded every weekend.  
> I have an outline, but we’ll see where the characters decide to take this story.  
> Leave any comments or constructive criticism for me to see.  
> Love you all! Stay safe and healthy.  
> 화이팅


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